I would like some advice & feedback on a situation that happened recently.
The short story is that at a play group recently a 2.5 yr old (we'll call him Jake) threw a toy directly and intentionally at my 6 month old's face (we'll call her Molly). I said it wasn't nice, his mom seemed upset at me, and did little to address/correct Jake's behavior.
Specifically, Molly was sitting on the floor with me being entertained by another older child, Zoe. Jake came over and was standing less than a foot away with a toy in his hand watching Molly being entertained by Zoe. He looked right at Molly and threw the toy at her face. It hit her forehead and she was fine, but the toy could have done serious damage if it hit her eyes, nose, lip, etc. Jake did NOT throw the toy and accidentally hit her. He looked at her and threw it right at her face. Molly did not cry, and since Zoe was entertaining her, she pretty much didn't miss a beat.
I said in a calm voice to Jake, "Oh, sweetie, that wasn't nice. You could have hurt her" and checked Molly for damage.
Jake's mom, who was not paying attention then asked, "Did he throw that at her?" And I said "Yup!" -- Yes, I said this a bit annoyed/short, because her reaction was pretty delayed and she didn't express any concern for Molly, just incredulity that Jake would throw something at someone. Also, her kids had been pretty rude/annoying/toy-hoarding/rambunctious the entire group with *very* little redirection from her. Jake had also already pushed another boy his own age with hardly a response from his mom. So, yes, my annoyance shone in my "yup," but I was very gentle in speaking to Jake.
Jake's mom then called him over and said something like "We don't throw things" and told him to go apologize.
He walked back to Molly and me and stood there silently, looking upset.
After a few seconds, Jake's mom told him to come back and stand there with her until he was ready to apologize. He never did, nor did his mom, and she let him go back to playing after a minute.
Jake's mom let him continue to play until they left. Neither one apologized. She did ask, belatedly if Molly was ok.
So, I should have used a different tone in my response to Jake's mom. Aside from that, how should I have handled this? What is ok to say to someone else's kid? I don't get involved in toy/food stealing or other kid squabbles, just when there is violence. When is it ok to intervene in your opinion? Does it matter if it involves people you will continue to interact with vs. random families in the park that you won't necessarily see again?
Also, shortly after this, Jake's mom posted an article on gentle discipline to a group we both subscribe to. I don't now her well enough to know if that's coincidence or passive aggressiveness.
The short story is that at a play group recently a 2.5 yr old (we'll call him Jake) threw a toy directly and intentionally at my 6 month old's face (we'll call her Molly). I said it wasn't nice, his mom seemed upset at me, and did little to address/correct Jake's behavior.
Specifically, Molly was sitting on the floor with me being entertained by another older child, Zoe. Jake came over and was standing less than a foot away with a toy in his hand watching Molly being entertained by Zoe. He looked right at Molly and threw the toy at her face. It hit her forehead and she was fine, but the toy could have done serious damage if it hit her eyes, nose, lip, etc. Jake did NOT throw the toy and accidentally hit her. He looked at her and threw it right at her face. Molly did not cry, and since Zoe was entertaining her, she pretty much didn't miss a beat.
I said in a calm voice to Jake, "Oh, sweetie, that wasn't nice. You could have hurt her" and checked Molly for damage.
Jake's mom, who was not paying attention then asked, "Did he throw that at her?" And I said "Yup!" -- Yes, I said this a bit annoyed/short, because her reaction was pretty delayed and she didn't express any concern for Molly, just incredulity that Jake would throw something at someone. Also, her kids had been pretty rude/annoying/toy-hoarding/rambunctious the entire group with *very* little redirection from her. Jake had also already pushed another boy his own age with hardly a response from his mom. So, yes, my annoyance shone in my "yup," but I was very gentle in speaking to Jake.
Jake's mom then called him over and said something like "We don't throw things" and told him to go apologize.
He walked back to Molly and me and stood there silently, looking upset.
After a few seconds, Jake's mom told him to come back and stand there with her until he was ready to apologize. He never did, nor did his mom, and she let him go back to playing after a minute.
Jake's mom let him continue to play until they left. Neither one apologized. She did ask, belatedly if Molly was ok.
So, I should have used a different tone in my response to Jake's mom. Aside from that, how should I have handled this? What is ok to say to someone else's kid? I don't get involved in toy/food stealing or other kid squabbles, just when there is violence. When is it ok to intervene in your opinion? Does it matter if it involves people you will continue to interact with vs. random families in the park that you won't necessarily see again?
Also, shortly after this, Jake's mom posted an article on gentle discipline to a group we both subscribe to. I don't now her well enough to know if that's coincidence or passive aggressiveness.
