Needing support

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I have had a really hard year. I went through a major health scare that thankfully has turned out to be nothing major but I seem to be stuck. I have always had issues with OCD thoughts (bad thoughts coming out of nowhere and multiplying) but have been able to make them stop with distraction and without them throwing me into a panic attack. Now when they happen I freak out for lack of a better term. I feel like I am going to fall apart emotionally and it scares me all the more.

I also have a family history of mental issues on my mom's side and my mom has had 2 near nervous break downs that happened when I was at home and 1 that happened after my oldest brother was born. So I know what is in store for me if I cannot get past this

I am on Buspar 10mg 2 times a day and it has helped but when af came this time the panic attacks returned horribly. It has now been almost 5 days of near constant fear, stress and panic I took a valium when it was at its worst but I hate having to do that it feels like cheating or something silly I know when I need the help. I am going Thur. to get the dosage increased on the Buspar, something I should have done sooner but kept thinking I was doing better.

When an attack hits and my kids are home I have my dd come sit next to me and talk to me or play a game online but I know she knows something is up with me though I try with everything I have to hide it from her. My ds is acting out at school and I think it is a result of him picking up on my issues and my dd is as well though she seems to be reacting to it by being more emotional than normal that hurts my heart and increases my stress as well.

I am posting for support and possibly words of wisdom from those who may have been through something similar and came out the other side back to "normal" I am so scared that this will be my life from here on out and it is really taking its toll on me. I need to know that there is hope that I will get past this.

I cannot handle being criticized right now so please if you dont have any support to share just click on by thanks

[Naturopath Mom]

s to you, hang in there

I have not gone through anything like this, but my sister has had panic attacks and I have had to talk her through them. She had a lot of irrational thought, she'd think things that she knew were not true but she couldn't help it (although there was a point where she did believe these thoughts). Do you have someone you can talk you through the attacks? It always seemed to help her.

I can tell you that she is better and counseling helped alot. I put her on some flower essences as well and those calmed her down. She's read some books about anxiety and the whole mental connections of it. (sorry, don't remember the names). She had function more now, the attacks are less and less as she works through her issues.

I'm sorry I am probably not much help, I hope some other mothers here may have more help for you. Just wanted to post some support and let you know that I have seen people get better. My dear friend also has panic attacks but she will not do anything to get better, she's just not in that place. She asks for me to pray for her and I do. Her husband is a HUGE stress so her work is spent trying to improve that cituation.

There is always hope.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Thank you for taking the time to post. It is hard to admit that something is wrong with me and I need help. I was hoping that by posting this it would help me. Maybe others will stumble across it soon.

[freestylemama]

I don't have any advice, but I saw this in new posts and wanted to offer a .

[Naturopath Mom]

Admiting is a hard step, but an important one. Denial is difficult, very hard to get better when you're in denial. You've taken a step in the right direction!

And just another lit bit if it might be helpful, I think EVERYONE can benefit from some counseling, we all have SOMETHING in our lives that could need sorting out. It is always worth trying.

[Surfacing]

It's hard being in this place right now. Panic attacks ARE treatable and will not last forever. It's good to hear you're taking steps to increase your meds which will likely be helpful, right?

I have BTDT with panic attacks. There is a WONDERFUL book for panic and anxiety, it has worksheets and basically helps you retrain your thoughts and help calm and soothe yourself when you have a backslide. I will say that you know you've made progress when you have some regression... you can't go back without having gone forward, right? It won't last forever. But you are wise to get some help. I will come back with the title of the book in a minute.

A feature of anxiety is this feeling like it's never going to end... but that's the anxiety speaking and it is not a fact.

Are there certain triggers in your life right now Mama? How is your self-care routine (getting good nutrition, vitamins, adequate sleep, exercise, laughter, socializing)? What seems to help? If there were three wishes you could have granted right now, what would they be?

ETA - the title of the book is "Overcoming Panic, Anxiety and Phobias: New Strategies to Free Yourself from Worry and Fear" by Shirley Babior and Carol Goldman.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Right now triggers can be anything I mean something as simple as a computer glitch can make me start down the OCD thought road. My self care right now is better than it has ever been because of the health issues I was having I had to make major changes in my diet and activity levels. I get plenty of sleep to much really since I sleep more than I probably should to get away from the thoughts. The only thing I have found that helps is extreme distraction usually reading or watching TV but sometimes that isnt enough. When it is at its worst nothing helps.

Three wishes is a hard one. But at the top of the list would have to be knowing that I will not fail at this new way of eating so that I am here to see the kids grow up. I do wish that I had a RL friend who I could confide in and who could be there to offer a shoulder to cry on when I needed one. My dh and my mom especially are the only ones that I have and I cant put everything off on my mom she has her own issues to deal with. I havnt had a RL friend since I was in school 20 years ago and even then they where not my friends they where the epitome of the saying "with friends like these who needs enemies".

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Went to the Dr. today and though I got the increase in the Buspar he was less than helpful to me

He wants me to take Paxil along with the Buspar and I am not sure that is a good thing since in the past I have had side effects from that type of anti d.

What really got me though was when we where talking and I was saying how I hoped that I would get back to normal eventually he said "Well some do and some dont" then when I talked about loosing weight because of my liver issues and the liver Dr. had told me it was reversible he looked at me and said "maybe" tell me what kind of health professional says something like that to a person who is already suffering from severe anxiety??

So of course since the visit I have been really having trouble with the anxiety and the OCD thoughts have been really bad. Even though I totally trust my liver Dr. (he was actually the Dr. to the president at one point, not that that means much but it sure sounds good ) over him but still just hearing him say that was like a punch to the gut

It is so hard to find a good Dr. I know that I need to find a therapist but right now it isnt financially possible.

Gahhh I hate myself the way I am now. I am worse than useless I am a burden and I cant make it better

[Surfacing]

Your doctor does not have a crystal ball and just because he said Maybe doesn't mean the worst will happen.

This is a good chance to practice reviewing your Peril Predictions, physical symptoms of anxiety you're having, the three that worry you the most. Then look at What Is The Likelihood of Your Worst Fears Happening? Often when we actually sit down and look at the rational statistical likelihood, it can put it into perspective for us. Chances are usually low that the worst will happen, yk?

Buspar has helped you in the past, no? Have you had times when you were able to go off the meds? If not, that's certainly not a character flaw, and you would not be alone.

I am sorry you are feeling so helpless right now. It will not always be this way. You have had better times in the past and you will again in the future. This is a hard time right now. Be gentle with yourself.

One more thing, about the OCD - my dh has obsessive thoughts and there's this book called Brain Lock which is supposed to be helpful. Also for OCD I've read that some people use a technique of imagining a big huge red STOP sign and shouting "STOP!!!" in their mind when they have obsessive thoughts. Or they imagine a warrior with a sword slashing their sword through the air and shouting STOP! to the thoughts.

Just one final thought. Your thoughts are not you. They come and go. Just because you fear things, doesn't mean they are going to happen. Just because you are afraid doesn't mean there is something to be afraid of. Just because you feel stuck in a hole now, doesn't mean that you are or always will be. This is all said in the gentlest way, in a relaxing voice (I'm mimicking one of my relaxation CDs here)

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Thank you for that it did help. I know a lot of my thoughts are not rational but at the time they are all that is there so it is hard to get past them.

I can sometimes stop the thoughts by doing similar to what you said it just sucks so bad that that they even happen It really is like a roller coaster or a yo yo one minute I can be fine then the next down in the hole again.

I have a relaxation cd but havnt listened to it yet. I need to do that and see if it helps when things start to feel overwhelming.

I have been on anti d's in the past for ppd and for depression and yes I have successfully came off them. This has just been by far the worst as far as the panic attacks go and it has me worried obviously.