How do you put a baby to bed?

[TreeRose]

Our DD is 8 weeks old yesterday.
We were spoiled by the last couple weeks of 6+ hour stretches at night without her waking.
I don't know why that ended. I've been diligent about sleeping during the day, going to bed with her when she is down for the night, etc... but it's changed.
Now we still all go to bed between 9 and 10 and she pops her eyes open when we lay down, no matter how deep a sleep she was in (in a wrap against one of us). She eventually goes back to sleep while nursing / suckling. But she's waking up sometimes midnight, other times 2 a.m. - still I was spoiled by her not waking til 4 for a couple weeks. What's changed? And, now she wakes around 2-ish and will suckle/nurse off and on for a couple hours! If I fall asleep patting her back she'll start stirring again and I have to wake up and continue or she's wide awake. And... (there's more) she's been wide awake by 5:30 a.m.! It's just starting to wear on us. And of course my DH wants me to explain why things have changed, but I don't have an answer.

I'm reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" and feel like maybe she should go to bed earlier? But if so, how? She's not a child that falls asleep nursing except in the middle of the night. Tonight around 8, after our shower I tried nursing her lying in bed with the lights off, as if it were bed time and she cried and cried so we brought her back out, put her in the wrap and she fell asleep pretty quickly, but it's not a deep sleep.

I just know nothing stays the same for too long and I want to be flexible for those changes, but wish I knew what was going on. I'm also reading "What's Going On In There?" but haven't really gotten to a point where they talk about changes.

I think she's an amazing child, perhaps high spirited / high needs... she definitely ALWAYS needs help falling asleep. But when she's well-rested and well-fed, she is super alert, happy, smiling, laughing, "talking", etc... I just wonder if there are patterns I should adopt during the day (let her sleep longer or shorter, different routines) that might help at night? Or how to "put her to bed"? I am not one for CIO at all - I couldn't handle it. I feel better if she's crying in one of our arms, but then, how to put her down? Or help her get longer sleep at night again?

Thanks for listening!

[MamitaM]

my son is just 6 weeks and we co sleep. sometimes i put him in bed to wait for me while i brush my teeth then i join him and we nurse. i try to have him latched off though before he's asleep. last night though i saw him yawning so i put him in his sleep sack and put him bed and said goodnight and within minutes he was asleep. he's a very calm baby though so it works for us.

[mommariffic]

Beats me? I think routine at night is what's key, but I also think that 8 weeks is super young for a "bed time.."

DS is 4 months and this is what we do: bath OR wash clothe + oil massage + feeding and rocking or hanging in bed. Some nights I am able to put two down at once, and other nights. If DS isn't into sleep, we just make sure he's in a dark room/no play nothing for "bed time" and eventually he gets it.

[SeattleRain]

We are also fans of HSHHC! We've used it thus far with great success. I'd highly recommend swaddling your daughter as it really increases the amount of deep sleep they get if you do it properly. You have to do it REALLY tight. If you want to see what that looks like, go on YouTube and see some videos of Dr. Karp swaddling a baby. He has a really good swaddle called the DUDU wrap.

The reason your baby is waking up more is because she's becoming for socially aware. She wants to interact with you and smile with you and generally hang out with you. When she finds herself waking up in the middle of the night, instead of closing her eyes back up she says to herself "Let's see if mommy wants to hang out!" That might explain why she's not nursing for "real" when she wakes up, just sucking on and off. She might not legitimately be hungry. She may just want to suck on something, in that case, perhaps try a paci (if your nursing is well established and you feel comfortable with that).

Our system is as follows: Daniel gets a bottle at 6pm and a bath at 6:30ish and then gets in his jammies. DH and I usually eat dinner around then and he hangs out in his swing, listening to music quietly until about 7pm. At that point DH plays with him on his lap with his little toys until 7:20-7:40pm. He'll start to sort of fuss a little and right when we start to see the cues, we lay out the swaddle and swaddle him up tight. DH gives him a paci and rocks him gently in a rocking chair while jiggling him (this is a tip from Happiest Baby on the Block, by Dr. Karp, another book I'd highly recommend). Sometimes if the timing isn't so good with the bottle, DH will give him a bottle while rocking him. Once he's nice and asleep, we put him in his crib. This typically takes until 7:40-8:00. DH is in charge of bedtime because he gets home late and doesn't see him at any other point in the day, and I need a break


Happiest Baby on the Block really teaches you tips to soothe your baby and help them wind down. It could be really useful for you.

[tzs]

ya know, those kiddos, their sleep is always changing...you'll see.

you might get in a great rhythm for a while and then bam! readjust. or they start sttn and stop again. i always thought there was like this magical date where they would sleep and then we'd go forward from there but alas...

anyway, i also read the same book and i did find it helpful....just ignore the CIO stuff which really only starts (in the book) later (4months??).

at such a young age i think all you can do is roll with what she gives you. i did find the nap scheduling from the book helpful in getting things sorted out a bit better (every 1.5 -2 hours)

the early bedtime didn't come until a little later for us. i remember reading it in the book and dreading doing it...thinking she would then wake up earlier. but at a certain age, dd just started not being able to stay awake past 8pm. so it wasn't something i had to plan or force on her.

i think for us just really being on top of naps (although by the end of the day i would often lose the rhythm of the whole thing) helped the most at that age. but i also think she was still waking every 2-4 hours or so. it does get better!!!

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by mommariffic

Beats me? I think routine at night is what's key, but I also think that 8 weeks is super young for a "bed time.."

DS is 4 months and this is what we do: bath OR wash clothe + oil massage + feeding and rocking or hanging in bed. Some nights I am able to put two down at once, and other nights. If DS isn't into sleep, we just make sure he's in a dark room/no play nothing for "bed time" and eventually he gets it.

I disagree, 8 weeks is the perfect time to start working on a bedtime routine. They're starting to be more socially aware of cues, so it's a good time to start "cuing" about bedtime to trigger their circadian rhythms. I'm not saying you need to put the baby down at the same time every night, tired or not and force them to sleep, like it or not. But its good to start showing that nighttime is for sleeping and daytime is for playing and that the bedtime routine is the transition. It sounds like you have a good bedtime routine!

[GuavaGirl]

The most important rule my mom told me is that it always changes while they're babies. It's just par for the course. (Let your husband know) Her sleeping schedule will probably change many more times before she's 1 year old. ...and the 6 hour stretch at that age is pretty rare. It's not the best thing for the milk supply either.
She doesn't sound high needs at all. Most babies, once they about 2 months, need help going to sleep. At that age it's a little unsual to even have a set bedtime. It's more like a continuous cycle and they usually shouldn't be up for more than and hour and a half or so in between naps.
She might be having a hard time sleeping in bed. My baby sleeps a lot better in his crib right next to our bed. Less disturbance that way.
For putting her to sleep, after nursing, swaddle and rock or bounce her to sleep while making a shooshing sound. The book "Happiest baby on the Block" really helped me at that stage. I was like "what? what's going on? He doesn't sleep like he used to!?" ...and it really helped me.

Just for some perspective, my 8 month old still needs swaddled and rocked to sleep for every nap and bedtime...and wakes 2-3 times a night for milk. I know it's hard and it's starting to wear on you....but you've actually had it easier than most, up until now. This is a hard gig. No joke.

Let me know if you have any questions. ....but I would definitely go get that book. It changed my life about 5 months ago.

And! Congrats on your new little baby!

[octobermom]

Baby is probably in a growth spurt.. While 8 weeks isn't listed as a normal age for one I've both experienced it and talked to many moms who said theirs deffiently went through one around 8 weeks.
I've been pretty much blessed with a great sleeper since birth but during growth spurts we get at least 2 added wake up times and often tiems where she wakes and is UP... Its frustrating I get used to those long streaches but after a few days it seems to regulate it self back...
It might also be time for an earlier bedtime you can try sometimes that all we can do is try.
My LO sleeps in her crib from 7-3am nurses and cosleeps with me till 7am shes is almost 8 month now though..

Deanna

[pacificbliss]

Octobermom beat me to it. i was going to say it sounds like you were doing great and have hit a growth spurt. Baby needs the milk and is encouraging your body to make more. Hang in there.

[marsupial-mom]

At 8 weeks we were still waking multiple times at night for evening feedings.
To get him to go to sleep at that time we swaddled and fed and rocked with a lullaby.
Around 6 months we started a more regular bed time and ritual: dinner, bath, moisturize/massage, feed, rock, lullaby.

[paxye]

I agree... it may very well be a growth spurt, or something changing in babies life (more aware, starting to turn over etc... that often is the cause of babies waking up again more when they start to crawl or walk)... It could be hunger, it could be thirst... she might also be waking to pee...

I don't agree with any of those sleep books... all kids are different, if all babies were meant to STTN then they would do it and there would be no need for books...

How do I put my baby to bed? I have always nursed them into a deep sleep and held them or laid them down near me in the living room.. then when I head to bed I bring them with me.. if they wake up. a quick nurse usually does the trick...

If they wake up after, no lights, no getting up... I EC so I offer the potty, and then nurse if needed and then we all just continue to sleep...

When ds#1 was a baby, I was really stressed about sleep because everyone was so focused on it... it made nights really hard and it made ds stressed and made him sleep less and made him fight sleep. The more I stressed, the less sleep we all got. The primary thing for me was to stop stressing about sleep, stop having expectations and instead trust that my baby knew what he needed more than an outsider. I stopped looking at the clock by turning it towards the wall...I stopped expecting things from him unrealistically. The more relaxed I was, the more I didn't care if we woke up or not, the more sleep we all got.

[TreeRose]

First of all, thank you all for your responses. It's just great to hear other women's experiences! It helps ease my mind... some nights I just dread going to bed because I'm wanting sleep and I'm realizing I probably won't get it. Last night she was up off and on from 2-5:30 when I gave her to DH til she actually needed to eat. She will wake up to eat (around 2) and then just mouth at me and fuss if she loses the breast, which happens constantly because she's just open-mouthing all over the place. It is exhausting. I have actually woken up with hickies around my nipples where she's missed!

I should have mentioned that we do almost all the Happiest Babies on the Block recommendations. She refuses to be swaddled - screams bloody murder! She doesn't fall asleep nursing (rarely will she) - she will doze and then wakes herself up. We use a Didymos wrap and wrap her up to us (she loves this) and we play rain or ocean sounds while bouncing on an exercise ball. She will go to sleep but just not deeply.

Every once in a while we can tell it's a super deep sleep (during the day) and we'll transfer her to the swing with vibrator and swing going and noise machine. If we're lucky, we get another 20 minutes together before she wakes herself up... I was thinking of getting one of those Woombie's or Pods that allows them to move and stretch but not fly their arms all the way out. I just hate to spend more money on this stuff if it doesn't really help...

Ah, I know every day is different and I really enjoy her so much; I adore and love her but yes, as one PP mentioned, the stress of sleep habits has me stressed. I get used to something. Or expect something. And that's when I get so tired and wonder what I've done wrong!

Thank you again everyone!

[newmamalizzy]

Around this age DD started waking more for feedings simply because she was getting bigger and couldn't keep up with her feeding needs during the day anymore. She's gone through such swings several times - she'll increase her daily intake to a point where she doesn't need to wake up to feed, grow a bit bigger, then need food at night again.

As for putting her to bed, well, we were awful at that, so not much advice on that front, except: The most important thing for us in improving DD's sleep has been removing stress from the situation. From 3 - 5 months I could never get DD to sleep and it was so frustrating for both of us. We would try and try, bouncing, rocking, she would cry, I would cry...it was awful. At some point we just let it go, and the more stress-free things became, the easier it was for DD to get to sleep. I try to focus on keeping baby soothed rather than putting her to sleep. It's an easier goal for me, and the baby usually ends up asleep anyway. Good luck!!!

[MrsBone]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain

We are also fans of HSHHC! We've used it thus far with great success. I'd highly recommend swaddling your daughter as it really increases the amount of deep sleep they get if you do it properly. You have to do it REALLY tight. If you want to see what that looks like, go on YouTube and see some videos of Dr. Karp swaddling a baby. He has a really good swaddle called the DUDU wrap.

The reason your baby is waking up more is because she's becoming for socially aware. She wants to interact with you and smile with you and generally hang out with you. When she finds herself waking up in the middle of the night, instead of closing her eyes back up she says to herself "Let's see if mommy wants to hang out!" That might explain why she's not nursing for "real" when she wakes up, just sucking on and off. She might not legitimately be hungry. She may just want to suck on something, in that case, perhaps try a paci (if your nursing is well established and you feel comfortable with that).

Our system is as follows: Daniel gets a bottle at 6pm and a bath at 6:30ish and then gets in his jammies. DH and I usually eat dinner around then and he hangs out in his swing, listening to music quietly until about 7pm. At that point DH plays with him on his lap with his little toys until 7:20-7:40pm. He'll start to sort of fuss a little and right when we start to see the cues, we lay out the swaddle and swaddle him up tight. DH gives him a paci and rocks him gently in a rocking chair while jiggling him (this is a tip from Happiest Baby on the Block, by Dr. Karp, another book I'd highly recommend). Sometimes if the timing isn't so good with the bottle, DH will give him a bottle while rocking him. Once he's nice and asleep, we put him in his crib. This typically takes until 7:40-8:00. DH is in charge of bedtime because he gets home late and doesn't see him at any other point in the day, and I need a break


Happiest Baby on the Block really teaches you tips to soothe your baby and help them wind down. It could be really useful for you.

I like this routine. I didn't do anything "routine" with DS and wished I had. My DS nursed to sleep until just a few days ago and he's 22 months. It was a hard habit to break, but now that I'm 13 weeks pregnant and my milk is all dried up, it's alot easier. I'd love for other people to be able to put the next baby to sleep without needing me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the attachment, but with how much DH is gone during the week, I need him to be able to take over bedtime so I can get a break. I need to get that book!

[Hannah32]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain

I disagree, 8 weeks is the perfect time to start working on a bedtime routine. They're starting to be more socially aware of cues, so it's a good time to start "cuing" about bedtime to trigger their circadian rhythms. I'm not saying you need to put the baby down at the same time every night, tired or not and force them to sleep, like it or not. But its good to start showing that nighttime is for sleeping and daytime is for playing and that the bedtime routine is the transition. It sounds like you have a good bedtime routine!

I also started a bedtime routine around this age. Once he learned how to roll over and became a belly sleeper, it really paid off. My routine is pjs, sleep sack, nursing while reading a story. As he's matured, he no longer even has to be asleep for this routine to work. At four months, he laid awake in his crib for a good half hour last night, chattering to himself. Then, he fell asleep.

[ann_of_loxley]

Sounds like a growth spurt in all honesty.

How are you feeding her? I know a lot of people make a habit of getting up or shifting or whatever... I think its a good idea to just have boob right there so you can both sleep through the feed. I honeslty don't know what I would do without the ability to nurse laying on our sides! lmao

I find it helps that when he is showing he is tired for the evening, to go to bed with him. At first, this meant that I had to go to bed then too - mind, I was so tired I was thankful for this! hehe (rather than getting him to sleep in the sling and then going to bed later - he would be super grumpy and fussy about that shifting about!)

It is only now at 6 months that he is very clear about being tired and wanting to go to bed that I am able to nurse him to sleep and walk away as he is tired and asleep much earlier than I would want to be going to bed. An hour or two later he will stir as he is hungry again.

[moondiapers]

Around 7 or 8 weeks we started a routine. It was still cold out so we didn't do bath everynight....but we did do a rub down with lotion, then dress her in pjs and rocked her. When she was getting close to sleep I moved to the bedroom, layed down next to her and nursed her to sleep on top of a receiving blanket. Then after a few minutes I shifted her, and her blanket into her sidecarred crib. She's almost 9 months now and is used to being shifted into her own bed after nursing to sleep (unless she's sick). She sleeps on her own in the sidecarred crib until about 1am now, then nurses back to sleep and gets shifted over again, then we're good until about 5am.....she's up for good between 8 and 9am.....and goes to sleep for the night between 9 and 10pm.

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by MrsBone

I like this routine. I didn't do anything "routine" with DS and wished I had. My DS nursed to sleep until just a few days ago and he's 22 months. It was a hard habit to break, but now that I'm 13 weeks pregnant and my milk is all dried up, it's alot easier. I'd love for other people to be able to put the next baby to sleep without needing me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the attachment, but with how much DH is gone during the week, I need him to be able to take over bedtime so I can get a break. I need to get that book!

It's a great book! We have always had DH do bedtime, its just part of our routine at this point.

OP, I agree that it might be a growth spurt. But if she's just sucking but not really eating you might want to give the paci a shot. She might be TRYING to get back to sleep (through sucking) but doesn't seem to be able to do it. Always offer the breast so that if she's really hungry she can eat, but if she's not really eating, try the paci.

As for screaming through the swaddle, sometimes they do that. Sometimes they calm down though, so you might want to try perservering with that. We use the SwaddleMe, but you could also try the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle which has detachable "wings." The wings pin the arms down, which is great for swaddling, but if it doesn't work out you still have a usable sleepsack.

[beebalmmama]

We're not big on bedtime routines or times. Wtih ds 1 he always went to bed when we did, or if he nursed on the couch and fell asleep, I would take him with me to bed when I went. Ds 1 always nursed to sleep and nursed a lot at night until 18 months. Nothing I did or attempted ever changed this. A paci really helped though.

Ds 2 at 8 weeks was still doing a night time cry down. He'd cry in arms for 20-30 minutes before falling asleep. He was usually waking 2-3 times a night, most of them after 2 am. He would go to sleep early (6:00 pm usually), this was his own rhythm but it never seemed to help him sleep longer stretches.

I agree that at this point they are so little and their sleep patterns will be changing so much during this first year. Right when you think your on a roll it will probably change again. Ds was sleeping really well with one night waking and one early morning. So I was getting a one good 6 hour stretch. He's almost 11 months old now and now we're still in the midst of the so called "9 month sleep regression".......I think he has just been developmentally hitting milestones each week that it may not wind down for a while. He took his first steps last night, so maybe we're on to something more.

[TreeRose]

Originally Posted by Hannah32

I also started a bedtime routine around this age. Once he learned how to roll over and became a belly sleeper, it really paid off. My routine is pjs, sleep sack, nursing while reading a story. As he's matured, he no longer even has to be asleep for this routine to work. At four months, he laid awake in his crib for a good half hour last night, chattering to himself. Then, he fell asleep.

Goodness, I can't imagine her falling asleep on her own! She will sit in a chair or swing or lay down UNTIL she's tired and then it's all-out wrap + bouncing + shushing (or ocean waves on YouTube) for 30+ minutes. Then MAYBE after another 30 minute she'll settle into a deeper sleep. I want to do a routine, but she seems so "angry" at night. She definitely doesn't seem to want to be read to... just nurses til she gets too fussy to stay on anymore. And then back to the bouncing wrapping shushing routine.

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley

Sounds like a growth spurt in all honesty.

How are you feeding her? I know a lot of people make a habit of getting up or shifting or whatever... I think its a good idea to just have boob right there so you can both sleep through the feed. I honeslty don't know what I would do without the ability to nurse laying on our sides! lmao

I find it helps that when he is showing he is tired for the evening, to go to bed with him. At first, this meant that I had to go to bed then too - mind, I was so tired I was thankful for this! hehe (rather than getting him to sleep in the sling and then going to bed later - he would be super grumpy and fussy about that shifting about!)

It is only now at 6 months that he is very clear about being tired and wanting to go to bed that I am able to nurse him to sleep and walk away as he is tired and asleep much earlier than I would want to be going to bed. An hour or two later he will stir as he is hungry again.

I definitely nurse lying down. It's made a huge difference and at least in the middle of the night she won't wake up much to eat, just eats and goes back to sleep.

Originally Posted by SeattleRain

It's a great book! We have always had DH do bedtime, its just part of our routine at this point.

OP, I agree that it might be a growth spurt. But if she's just sucking but not really eating you might want to give the paci a shot. She might be TRYING to get back to sleep (through sucking) but doesn't seem to be able to do it. Always offer the breast so that if she's really hungry she can eat, but if she's not really eating, try the paci.

As for screaming through the swaddle, sometimes they do that. Sometimes they calm down though, so you might want to try perservering with that. We use the SwaddleMe, but you could also try the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle which has detachable "wings." The wings pin the arms down, which is great for swaddling, but if it doesn't work out you still have a usable sleepsack.

I mentioned to DH that I wanted to try swaddling and paci again... neither of us really wants to deal with an unnecessary meltdown though. She took the paci week 2 for 24 hours. After that, if she saw it coming towards her she would turn bright red and scream all holy heck breaking loose. Same with the sleep sack. We have the Halo sleepsack and thought it would help but she hates being swaddled, wants her arms to move and touch me and put her hands in her mouth, etc. And she sweat too much in it, we felt bad.

I think it's just more changes, like everyone's been saying. I love all your ideas and routines. I'm going to be grateful when we have something more predictable. Right now it's all over the map. Obviously when she is fussy, we put her right in the wrap and she goes to sleep without too much screaming. If we miss the window, though, there's a huge fight and I feel terrible that she's screaming so much from exhaustion!