UPDATES #8, #17. What happened to DD's sleep?

[maptome]

For the past week, DD, 15 months, has been fighting sleep on a new level. Before, she would fuss a little when it was time to go down or go back to sleep in the middle of the night. Now, sudeenly, she goes berserk when she doesn't want to sleep. She crawls out of bed (mattress on the floor) and runs to her bedroom door and starts banging on it. If I try to nurse her to sleep, she gets mad and pushed my breast away. She gets so upset that she will continue to cry inconsolably in my arms a full 20 minutes after we've left her room. It's the worst crying I've ever seen her do. Needless to say, significantly less sleep than she used to, maybe 10 hours total.

DP and I don't know what is going on with her. Is it nightmares? Is she scared of the dark? Is it teething? She finished cutting her first set of molars a good 3 months ago, but nothing like this ever happened for those teeth. I still suspect that her canines could be bugging her really badly, but I don't see any signs that they are near eruption. Does she just really really not want to sleep? When she gets up after these crying spells, she is very clingy and cranky for the following hour and then resumes to normal.

BTDT advice? I'm super stressed about this.

(Mods, feel free to move to nighttime parenting if you think a better fit.)

[maptome]

OP here, I finally got her to nap by cradling her firmly while she was flailing and screaming. I had to sing loudly until she calmed down. Then I sang quieter and quieter, and then I nursed her until asleep.

What is wrong with her? She is suddenly totally crazy. Does she just think that if she puts up a good fight, I'll give up?

[just_lily]

My DD did this for a while, probably at around the same age. Hysterical tantrums for no reason at 3am. Enough to drive you batty.

She was crib sleeping by that point and anything I tried to do seemed to just make it worse. So I would leave her in her crib but stay with her until she calmed down.

I still don't know what caused it - maybe teeth? Her eye teeth took forever to come in. But one day it just stopped happening.

There is a great list in Sears' The Baby Book for causes of night waking. I would list them all for you, but I gave my copy to my SIL. But it has things like too hot/too cold, itchy jammies, wet bum on it. I would try to find that list and make sure nothing on it is bothering your DD, and if that doesn't work I would just focus on trying to help her through her mood.

This too shall pass....

[Summersquash]

Oh that sounds awful Mama. Is there anything new in her room/on her walls that might look weird to her in the dark/that she might be afraid of?

We realized around that age through trial and error that DD liked her shades only partially drawn (she likes the brightness given by a streetlight outside) and won't fall asleep if her closet doors are open at all.

I hope it passes soon! You all must be so tired!

[RaeDyCo]

For my DS1, the canines were the reason for a sudden change of sleep. He would wake up hysterical at night, took a long time to calm down but once they cut through, he went back to sleeping normally.

[slgt]

DD#1 has gone through a lot of unpleasant sleep cycles - my guess is that it comes with a development spurt most of the time. Take note - is your DD making any leaps in the way she communicates (more complex thoughts, or more words, e.g.), or plays (greater/more coordinated physical activity; some pretend play; different attention level to books; etc.), or seems to understand the world?

I can very clearly remember a few times that would last for weeks or a month or more when DD would wake up during the night and just be up for 3 hours. It sucked, plain & simple. I don't remember how we got through it - I think we kept a bed on the floor next to hers, and one of us would go in & lie with her for as long as it took.

Good luck - this too shall pass!

[maptome]

Update

Just got back from the doctor and DD checks out medically, so I guess she's just acting like a maniac for fun. She's always woken every 2 hours, but I used to be able to get her to go back to sleep.

She is talking a lot more suddenly. No teeth visible to me or doctor.

So,...just give up and relax? Doctor told me to CIO in crib. Useless, we don't even have a crib.

I still need advice with how to deal. I'm kind of coming unglued. (Rant: My cat peed on our mattress right before bedtime last night.)

[AndtheStars]

Huge hug to you, mama! I understand a sudden change in sleep can totally unbalance your whole world. And I also understand the cat bathroom problems as our one cat randomly poops and pees on our furniture or beds because of some emotional funk he's in Is she capable of telling you what's wrong? Does she seem like she is really awake and with it, or does she seem out of it? I think alot of the times that I think DS is awake and trying to torture me, he's really in a half-sleep and doesn't know what he's doing. What happens if you are in the room with her, she wakes up, goes to the door and you don't go after her? Would she come back to bed if nothing happens? How is her daytime sleep? Sorry for the 20 questions. I spend too much of my day trying different scenarios in my head regarding DS's sleep.

[maptome]

Originally Posted by dicksonley

Is she capable of telling you what's wrong?

She just doesn't want to sleep. She shakes her head if we go in her room. Starts crying if we go to the bed. Kicks and flails if I try to rock her. Runs away if I put her down.

Originally Posted by dicksonley

Does she seem like she is really awake and with it, or does she seem out of it?

She freaks out during the day when we start walking towards her room and she is wide awake. If we start trying to nap, she will go crazy. She also goes from 0 to 100 in the middle of the night within seconds of waking.

Originally Posted by dicksonley

What happens if you are in the room with her, she wakes up, goes to the door and you don't go after her?

I go after her, but she is FAST. If I try to stop her, crying intensifies.

Originally Posted by dicksonley

Would she come back to bed if nothing happens?

Don't know. I doubt it. But maybe it's worth a try. The kid doesn't even fall asleep in the car, ever.

Originally Posted by dicksonley

How is her daytime sleep?

I can get her to nap, but it is very difficult. Almost every time is traumatic for me.

[nwatt]

Will she let you put her to sleep somewhere else in the house? What if you moved her mattress into your room? Maybe she is associating something in her room with sleep in a negative way.

My only other suggestion is maybe she is having some sort of digestive issues. I only say this because my DD was a terrible sleeper up until 9 months when we started her on probiotics. If we miss more than a day of them she is back to waking every couple of hours.

[thaihotmama]

Hugs, Mama! Sounds like the last 16 months of my life, to varying degrees. My guess would be canines, but I know you see no evidence of that. They were ROUGH for us.

Our nap (recently went to one) is also a struggle everyday, even though it STILL ONLY happens in my presence - usually my lap. =( Good luck!

[slgt]

Try to get into a place of "this, too, shall pass" and adjust your expectations. Easier said than done, I know - but if you can try to make some adjustments to your day so that you can just expect that you are going to get less sleep. Can you try just lying next to her & reading stories?

I hate to say it, but I know this is not uncommon - as gentle as we are as parents, there have been times when one of us has had to physically restrain DD to get her to sleep. It sucked - but one of us would sit in the rocking chair holding her tightly but 100% without anger or frustration until she could just calm down and fall asleep. Nothing else would do - she would end up otherwise throwing herseful around the room like a lunatic, completely unable to settle. We in the end figured that she just couldn't settle herself down, we tried everything. This let her know that she was loved, we would sing or whisper stories to her as we held her, but she couldn't use the time to just wind herself up.

I think toddlers reach points where they literally just don't know what to do with themselves, how to deal with all the things going on in their heads or the physical sensations of development.

[just_lily]

I relate to the experience of gentle restraint. Just holding her gently but firmly until she calmed down. I think toddlers can get to the point of craziness where they don't even know what to do with themselves. Expect her to yell more as you do this, but my DD always seemed to fall asleep mid-scream. (And it only took a couple of minutes, even though it felt like longer.)

There was a stage where I started putting her to sleep in her stroller, in her bedroom I was so desperate. The straps on the stroller prevented her from flipping around, but I could stand behind it so she couldn't see me. I would rock her back and forth and then sneak out of the room.

I do remember very cleary that whenever DD's sleep cycles got to the point where I was sure I was going to lose my mind and have to do something drastic she changed all on her own. I think sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

Hang in there, mama! And definitely leave her with your DH if you need a break. I don't find anything more frustrating than trying to get a resistant toddler to sleep just so you can get a rest yourself.

[ASusan]

Another one for gentle restraint. DS isn't quite as over the top as your LO, but he does have difficulty settling and rarely goes to sleep on his own. He will flop all over, lurch around, etc when I'm with him. If DH goes in, he is able to hold DS in his arms (gentle restraint) and he is able to settle, relax and go to sleep. Last night, DS actually asked for it. He had been flopping around, trying to "be quiet" with his cars and books, for about 1.5 hours. (This is after an hour of me being with him.) DH went in, and DS asked for him to hold him. Sleep after 10 minutes.

[skybluepink02]

My son just went through this stage. We ended it by moving him to a toddler bed from his crib. He's never liked sleeping while touching someone, so hasn't co-slept since he was 6 months old. I think it's just a coincidence that it ended at the same time though. I honestly think that it's the novelty of expressing an opininon, and the beginnings of the "twos". I just treated it like any other tantrum. I empathized, and stayed with him, but didn't give in either. He cried because he didn't get his way, but he was comforted and stayed with. I just rode it out for a bit over a week.

This worked for us, but it is hard. The only reason I stuck with it was because I believe children's sleep is so important. There are so many documented detrimental effects to not getting enough sleep, that I didn't want it to turn into a bad habit.

[maptome]

Thanks so much for all your replies. I've learned to avoid the waking-from-sleep tantrums. I realized that DD never goes back to sleep once she's decided she doesn't want to. Last night, when she got to the door, I just let her out carried her around in the dark, taking her every where she pointed. After only about 5 minutes, she let me take her back to her room, and she went back to bed without a fight, 25 minutes later.

For the past two nights, she's followed the same rhythm. Up every hour, easily settled, for the first 5 hours, then really awake and demanding a nighttime tour. Then, sleep for 4 hours straight (unheard of, ever).

I believe that she is having a developmental language spurt that is making her sleep wacky coupled with the realization that she has power to control her sleep (and me).

Again, thanks for all of the words of encouragement. I was a complete wreck for the past few days, but I'm starting to relax as I learn to deal with this new behavior. Also, I've accepted that sleeping 11 or so hours every 24 hours is not that bad, and I can't force it.