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Jealous of DH's life - how pathetic am I?

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Have any other mamas felt this way about their DH/DP's life? I'm not a SAHM, I work full time just like he does. But his job offers him the chance to travel, he gets to go to 'work functions' at local venues/bars, go watch a football game when he pleases with his friends. I always have to check HIS schedule before I plan anything and he doesn't need to do that with me and that really bugs me. He's not doing it intentionally, it just sucks that my life is so boring, people continually cancel/reschedule on me and I'm getting tired of it - but that's a whole different thread!

I go to weekend playgroups and try to make new friends. I try to plan evenings out with current friends but something 'always comes up'..... It's sad and it's pathetic.
post #2 of 7
{{HUGS}} The good thing about jealousy (and envy) is that it show us what we want for ourselves and where we need to make changes, in order to achieve it. Looks like you know this, already.
post #3 of 7
Well it sounds like there is an imbalance if he goes out without checking your schedule. Have you talked to him about that? Could you ask him to check in with you so you can feel more free to make plans as well (or Tuesdays he can go out, Thursdays you get to go out?) Are there things you can do on your own that you would enjoy? I struggle with my social life as well, it seems like 'something came up' for my friends every time I tried to plan something so I'm back in 'not making plans' mode & trying to work up the mental energy to try again. But at the same time, I'm also trying to come up with some things I can do on my own... I'm thinking of joining a gym, for example.

Anyway, yes, I do feel a little envious of DH's life at times. I work at home and he works at the office. I miss having that social outlet. I envy him the breaks he gets from DS's crankiness, that half hour lunch where he owes nothing to anyone, and being able to focus on his career (vs. me barely keeping up with work because DS is my main focus)... But then he comes home miserable because some work gossip got taken out of context and caused major office drama, or he gets stuck in a huge traffic jam, or he feels like he missed out on the fun activities I do with DS, and I feel like maybe my life isn't worse than his after all. I know it's different because both of you work out of the home but I think many of us experience that 'grass is greener on the other side' thing... maybe your DH wishes he didn't have to travel so much, for ex. But I would really try to find a few things that would give you some personal satisfaction. What about something social but with a set schedule (like a kickboxing class or a book club)? Then you would have something to look forward to that's not likely to get canceled... and don't totally give up on your current friends either...
post #4 of 7
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post
Well it sounds like there is an imbalance if he goes out without checking your schedule. Have you talked to him about that? Could you ask him to check in with you so you can feel more free to make plans as well (or Tuesdays he can go out, Thursdays you get to go out?) Are there things you can do on your own that you would enjoy? I struggle with my social life as well, it seems like 'something came up' for my friends every time I tried to plan something so I'm back in 'not making plans' mode & trying to work up the mental energy to try again. But at the same time, I'm also trying to come up with some things I can do on my own... I'm thinking of joining a gym, for example.

Anyway, yes, I do feel a little envious of DH's life at times. I work at home and he works at the office. I miss having that social outlet. I envy him the breaks he gets from DS's crankiness, that half hour lunch where he owes nothing to anyone, and being able to focus on his career (vs. me barely keeping up with work because DS is my main focus)... But then he comes home miserable because some work gossip got taken out of context and caused major office drama, or he gets stuck in a huge traffic jam, or he feels like he missed out on the fun activities I do with DS, and I feel like maybe my life isn't worse than his after all. I know it's different because both of you work out of the home but I think many of us experience that 'grass is greener on the other side' thing... maybe your DH wishes he didn't have to travel so much, for ex. But I would really try to find a few things that would give you some personal satisfaction. What about something social but with a set schedule (like a kickboxing class or a book club)? Then you would have something to look forward to that's not likely to get canceled... and don't totally give up on your current friends either...
I used to take art classes, but then that became expensive and I had the boys and my time was taken up with them and DH's travel schedule became inconsistent, so I had to work around that......
A book club is not a bad idea at all although I don't have much time to read anymore it seems like, maybe it would give me the initiative to do more reading!
And yes, I hear where you're coming from about the grass being greener. While his industry is fun and his job is hard, but yet fun, the traveling does get to him while the mundane job that I do also gets to me.
If I'm not a the gym, then I also go running outside when he's home and that's a good 30 mins to an hour of 'me' time.
post #5 of 7
Definitely consider a book club, I started a (very informal) one with some friends and managed to read all the books so far, despite not even finishing a magazine article in my pre-book-club days!!

Maybe too just focusing on the positive rather than what's missing? That's awesome that you are getting 30-60 minutes of 'me' time a day, I'd kill for that lol... But then I'm sure that makes it all the harder to miss it when your DH isn't home (so maybe have a backup plan, babysitter etc. so you can continue with these things?)
post #6 of 7
Yep, a book club could come to you. I also do a tea group that comes to my house once a month. And find a decent sitter for the kiddos so you can go with your hubby to a few of his events.
post #7 of 7
Ok. Me too.

I'm a SAHM, but DH is deployed for six months. I'm pregnant, tired, and stressed. The deployment isn't a dangerous one, more like a forced vacation (although work hours are long, there's much down time). So he goes to movies, listens to live music, eats out for dinner and talks with other adults. Am I just crazy, or does that sound like a decent time? Sure he has to be away from us, but we have to be away from him. My job is doubled with no back up and I'm giving birth while he's gone too.

So now I don't even want to talk to him to hear about whatever he's doing. It just depresses me.
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