"So is she in her crib yet?" and other questions.... - Page 2

[lizzylou]

My MIL was the same way. I do like my MIL very much but this question was getting soooo old. She mostly would ask my husband.

About 6 months ago, after not asking for awhile, she casually asked my husband how DS was sleeping. My husband nonchalantly said "oh he sleeps great, still sleeps with Liz." At the time I actually would have preferred that he just not discuss it, but I think the shock of that revelation (co-sleeping at 18 months) was so great that after that, she just stopped asking.

She's always so impressed with the way he goes down for naps at her house, so hopefully realizes that the co-sleeping has not messed him up in the least.

If your MIL is not rude about it, I think I would just say "oh yeah, the baby sleeps well. Isn't this nice weather? Did you hear about that news story?" Etc.

[LZP]

Wow! thank you so much for the support and great ideas to deal with this respectfully. Since we're asked so often, I'm sure we'll get a chance to try out all of the responses!!
I'm printing those Dr Sears things...
As an aside, I read in an older copy of The Baby Book (Sears, Sears, Sears, and Sears- Ha!) and it actually discourages night nursing sessions after 6months, because the "greedy child" will get used to it and grow to expect it! wwwwhhhhaaaaatttt????!!?!?! Isnt that one of the great benefits of co-sleeping? anywho, a little tangent, but I found it funny and a little contradictory to the other principles in their collection, especially the phrasing.

I'm actually looking forward to them asking again, now!

[lizzylou]

I am really, really surprised that the Sears wrote anything like that! Definitely not consistent with their usual message IMO.

[Purple Sage]

All I can say is that this too shall pass. My MIL used to say the same thing, but then she saw that it is possible for a toddler to learn to sleep alone after cosleeping for two years. She also learned that CIO isn't a necessity, and neither is formula. My advice is to tell the truth, over and over again if you have to. The best education is experience, and she'll be able to witness the experience you have with your child and hopefully that will make an impact on her opinions.

[onyxravnos]

I would go with something along the lines of

" SIDS can happen at any time during the first year, it's important that she is right next to me so i can hear her breathing at night, make sure nothing is covering her face, and help her if she needs it"

that would probably solve her 'concern'

[JudiAU]

After many many many many questions and lots of rude/nasty suggestions I had enough one time and finally said, Yes, it is wonderful whenever someone asked me about co-sleeping. If they continued, I just said the matter was open to discussion anymore.

And about CIO (after the 1700th suggestion that was starting to even sway DH) I just started being honest. I think children should always have their needs responded to, that CIO is mean, and I don't want my kids to think they are growing up in Romanian orphanage. Alright, the last one I only said once but I never, ever got another CIO comment and I took at least 200 peacefully. (MIL was all about CIO because the "staff" could do it)

[luckymamaoftwo]

Ha! I have to laugh only because the SAME question comes up every time I talk to my Mom. She means well, but it's annoying nonetheless. I just tell her..."as long as he keeps waking all night long, he'll be in our bed." Of course she insists that he'll sleep better in "his crib" but I seriously doubt that. Gotta love well meaning mothers and MIL.

[Asiago]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

To make your point clear print out some good articles on it and say "oh yes, i knew you'd ask, i brought you these. Maybe we can talk next time when we're on the same page."

Oh, I like this idea!

[Shaki]

Another thing that may help you keep your sanity is knowing that in a couple of years these questions will stop (new ones may come up, but the sleep stuff will stop--I promise ). The more confident you are in your choices and the less you need other people to agree with you or confirm them the easier it'll be.

[peaceful_mama]

I finally quit discussing my "alternative parenting choices" with people who don't understand. Took me till after child #2 pregnant with 3 to get to that point. So only select people know exactly how long I BF, that we bedshare up to somewhere between 12-18ish months, that 2 of my children are entirely unvaccinated and the oldest is only partially, that we don't buy jars of baby food (yes, even THAT has been found 'strange' on occasion), that NOBODY else feeds my infants. People find out I use cloth if they see it, but I only rave the good. (not that I've found bad at all! ) Oh and there are people who do not know to this day that my 3rd child was born out of hospital with a CPM--because I am 35 weeks pregnant and don't want to hear the negative on my planning to do the same with this one! (DS2 will be 2 years old next week.)

Just plain out not discussing it at all has saved me from a lot of negative comments from people who just don't get it and aren't GOING to 'get it.'

There's also "well, *we* are happy with what we are doing." Or "That just depends on how you look at it"--the line I used when my child's school secretary said it was just too bad for my children that they're unvaccinated.
There are some people who are not going to 'get it' and it's just not worth the time to try to convince them. They've got their reasons for their choices, I have mine for my choices. I don't have time/energy to debate.

[dakotablue]

One thing we did...I moved our crib into our room. DS doesn't sleep in it, but when people ask (mostly my G-ma who is my mom) I just say "oh his crib is next to our bed"
No one has yet asked if he is in it.

With MIL I just told her we were very concerned about SIDS and if she wanted the research she was welcome to it, but honestly we don't have a good relationship so there is no hope there. I just asked Dh to tell the same half truth I do.