length of adjustment to daycare?

[VisionaryMom]

DD started daycare full-time last week. She is 3.5. She does not like it, but she doesn't really *dislike* it either. She said that the other children are loud (though I think it's one particular child who does seem really, really loud). She also said that the boys keep calling her a boy b/c she has short hair. I think she's overwhelmed. She is overly mature for her age, which I think may be hindering her here because I think the other kids are basically acting like 3YOs.

This is the first time 6 years that I've had the chance to freelance on a consistent, full-time basis. I'm over the moon about it, but obviously I don't want to keep dropping DD off there if she's not happy. How long do adjustments to daycare usually last? This place is supposed to be awesome and usually has a long waiting list. (We got in by a strange sequence of events.)

[ASusan]

I think they can last for some time, and I think the adjustment happens in waves.

My son recently moved up a room at daycare. They transition the month before they turn 3, and spend an increasing amount of time in the new room each week. DS LOVED the new room, activities, and being with his "old" friends (who had moved up before him). He wanted to go there every day, first thing, and stay all day. Fine, although we still did it in increments. (1 week - stay for morning; 2nd week - stay through lunch; 3rd week - stay through nap; 4th week - all day).

Now, we're 2 weeks after his 3rd birthday. He's been going to the "new" room for 7 weeks. I learned yesterday that he's whining, crying over toys and turns, insisting on playing with ONE boy (the closest in age, so they spent the most time together in the former room), not sleeping well or long at nap, not eating snack (which he NEEDS). Basically, he's kinda fragile - NOT the kid I know - and the teacher indicated that she thought it was related to adjustment to the new room, and that it wasn't limited to just yesterday.
I tried to talk with him about this last night/this morning, and he refused the conversation.

"You play with the tricycle a lot at daycare, sometimes xx needs a turn." "No, I ride the bike." and

"YYY is your friend, but YYY gets to choose who he plays with. Sometimes he plays with you, and sometimes he chooses to play with someone else." "No, YYY play with me."

Yeah, he's three. I'm just trying to plant a seed of discussion here.


SOOO, I think it can take a while. My typical approach has been to ask if he had fun, did he play with xxx toy? What did he play with outside? and reinforce the positive.

[petey44]

I think a lot of it depends on the individual child and his/her particular circumstances. DD started at a new center, after a summer home, 1 month before turning 2. It took her about 2 weeks. But the staff (and my cousin, who works at a daycare) were telling me that it's common to take MONTHS to fully adjust.
Also, like the PP said, it can take time to readjust after moving to a new room within the same center.
My advice is to pay close attention to your daughter, and use your instincts to guide you. You'll know if it's normal, jsut having to learn to deal with something new or annoying sort of stuff, or if it's really not a good fit.

[philomom]

I used to work daycare. If your child hasn't settled down in a month's time... she may be in the wrong place for her.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by philomom

I used to work daycare. If your child hasn't settled down in a month's time... she may be in the wrong place for her.

i changed 5 dcs in 4 months before we found one that dd settled in when she was 2.

however in some of them she was crying her eyes out. and we quickly realised it was not a good fit for her.

she hated, hated anything inhome. she finally settled at a center. i think an inhome was too painful for her.

i think dd is at a great place to take some lessons from you. i used to do that by sharing my own experiences rather than lecture (i do that a lot so i try to stay away from it). its a perfect time to have dd think about how important others words are. so if they call her a boy does that make her a boy?

are there things she does enjoy? but like older kids going to school who need a month to readjust i think that's the thing happening to your dd.

[VisionaryMom]

She was better when I picked her up yesterday. I had a meeting that ended early, so I got her then. She was upset that she'd "wasted time," and I was there already.

She also said that she told the boys that she didn't care what they said, she was playing on a piece of playground equipment. I guess they'd told her she couldn't play on it, and when she climbed up anyway, they said that she looked like a boy anyway because of her hair. So, we had a talk about it, but I think she feels better. She tends to do really well standing up for herself with children a bit older, but when she perceives someone as younger, then she struggles more. The boys aren't chronologically younger, but I think they seem younger to her.

I hope things settle down for her. We've had a huge upheaval with this, so I want to give it enough time. She also hasn't napped in 18 months or so, but of course, lying down is required. She falls asleep everyday for about 45 minutes, and that's thrown her whole routine off. I think we're going to have to go back to naps on the weekends, too.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

I hope things settle down for her. We've had a huge upheaval with this, so I want to give it enough time. She also hasn't napped in 18 months or so, but of course, lying down is required. She falls asleep everyday for about 45 minutes, and that's thrown her whole routine off. I think we're going to have to go back to naps on the weekends, too.

you might be able to talk to the center about not doing naps. perhaps she could read quietly in her cot instead?

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by texmati

you might be able to talk to the center about not doing naps. perhaps she could read quietly in her cot instead?

I'm pretty sure for her age it's a legal requirement. They do allow her to take a book to her nap area, but she falls asleep looking at it. TBH, she's actually much less grumpy in the evenings with the naps. It's just making bedtime a bit of a chore!