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Calling MIL Mom or FIL Dad? - Page 2

post #21 of 34
I called my Mil Mom for awhile several years ago. We had a falling out for a couple of years so I went back to her first name. But as we grew closer again and I had children she became Grams. My Fil is Pop.
But I'm like that with names. I always have a nickname for people I see a lot. Usually names are shortened, so my own way of recognizing someone is usually by calling them by their full name. For example my dear friend Nate to others, is Nathan to me. I do that a lot.
post #22 of 34
Im on the opposite side of this situation. Id love it if my MIL asked me to call her mom. She has never introduced me as her "daughter in law" Its always "this is my Daughter Krystina, My son David, and his wife Holly" I dont think Ive ever heard her refer to me as anything other than "my sons wife". So, I call her Granny, and when Im making lists and stuff I call her Mom, but i try to think about it in the same way as when I tell my kid, "We dont chew on plastic bags." Of course I would never chew on one, but saying we just feels better. So, saying Mom when talking about meeting her, or what to take to her house, I feel like Im just saying it to keep from pointing out that she isnt MY mom .
post #23 of 34
Another who went to first name after years of "Mom." I started out confused and desperate to appease; after a couple of decades, I realized her treatment of me, DH, and our boys was appalling-cloaked-in-affection. The change in title reflects the distance from her that is healthiest for my little family. She did go from signing cards with "Mom" to using her first name. I don't know how I would have handled it had I wanted to salvage or maintain a connection with her.
post #24 of 34
I called my in-laws by their first names until we had kids, even though I think they expected me to call them Mom and Dad. Now I call them Grandmommy and Pop-Pop, just like the kids - so much more comfortable! Its very easy to do that with little kids, you're teaching them what to call the grandparents and so it makes sense to use those names around them. I even call my own parents Grandma and Grandpa around the kids pretty often!
post #25 of 34
I don't call my inlaws Mum or Dad. We get along OK in a slightly strained way, but... they're not my parents. It would seem very odd. Unfortunately I never really hashed out a decent alternative. FIL mentioned when DH and I started dating that he didn't want me to use his first name (I think because he's a teacher), and even though I think he eventually revoked that, I still feel awkward about it.

So I do a lot of "you and your excellent wife" or "hey" or otherwise stammering. Now DD's a bit bigger I can use Nanna and Grandpa if necessary, but that doesn't work in all contexts.
post #26 of 34
I am no sure I could either but thankfully it's a nonissue as my spouse calls his parents by their first names anyhow... Lol
post #27 of 34
I don't call my ILs Mom or Dad, but my BIL does. So that makes it akward sometimes. And my SIL calls them Mom and Dad too. I guess I'm just crusty that way.

I really enjoy calling them Grandpa and Grandma. It has been great since the kids were born. It works very well and I am comfortable with it. When that really isn't appropriate I go by first names.

OP, can you just switch to Grandma? If your kids already call her that it could be pretty normal.

Tjej
post #28 of 34
I call my in-laws by their first names. I've been married 10 years and I LOVE my in-laws but still I would feel weird calling them Mom and Dad.

It's too bad your MIL is trying to pressure or guilt you into calling her Mom. Would it be possible for you to explain how you feel to her? Or if you are comfortable with it could you call her Ma or another mom-substitute to appease her?
post #29 of 34
I've never even considered calling them mom and dad and I've never seen any sign that's what they wanted either (fwiw, BIL doesn't call them mom and dad either). Part of the issue may be that they were still very young when we got married (DH was born when his mom was 18, he married me at 24) and although I'm confident they were/are happy he married me, at the time, it may have been a little much.
post #30 of 34
This thread just reminds me that my MIL signs cards to her children, Love, "Mom."

She actually puts the word MOM in quotation marks. As in, I'm not really your "mom"?

It always makes me laugh.
post #31 of 34
I haven't read the whole thread, but I don't call my in-laws "mom" and "dad". I call them by their first names. I also called my first in-laws by their first names. My sister called her late MIL "mom". I think it depends on many factors.

I can tell you that I would never call someone "mom" because they pressured me to. In fact, I'd be very unlikely to ever call someone "mom" if they had ever pressured me about it. "Mom" is something that one calls their real mother and, if applicable, someone they feel plays that role in their emotional life. It's up to the person saying it, imo. (I usually feel that a polite person addresses a person the way that person wishes to be addressed. I don't feel that applies with "mom", "dad" or other family type titles.)
post #32 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoetryLover View Post
Also, if you're comfortable calling your in-laws Mom and Dad, what makes you comfortable doing so? Was it something you had to learn to be comfortable with or were you comfortable from the beginning?
Well, first off I guess I should say that my mother died when I was 3. My dad remarried when I was 6 and made me call my stepmother "Mom", I did so until I was 15 and no longer under "his control", now I call her by her name. So I've never really had a GOOD mother figure

I do call my mother in law Momma, she lives 4 hours away so I see her about 4x a year, but when she's here or calls or on FB I call her Momma.

But, she's also pretty freaking awesome. lol. She's a biker/hippy/free-spirit and so I totally love her.

But I was married before and did NOT call XH's mom anything other than her name because I didn't like her at all.
post #33 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoetryLover View Post
Also, if you're comfortable calling your in-laws Mom and Dad, what makes you comfortable doing so? Was it something you had to learn to be comfortable with or were you comfortable from the beginning?
Well, first off I guess I should say that my mother died when I was 3. My dad remarried when I was 6 and made me call my stepmother "Mom", I did so until I was 15 and no longer under "his control", now I call her by her name. So I've never really had a GOOD mother figure

I do call my mother in law Momma, she lives 4 hours away so I see her about 4x a year, but when she's here or calls or on FB I call her Momma.

But, she's also pretty freaking awesome. lol. She's a biker/hippy/free-spirit and so I totally love her.

But I was married before and did NOT call XH's mom anything other than her name because I didn't like her at all.
post #34 of 34
I never did...I felt it was incredibly awkward for me to do so.
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