Do you ever feel genuinely envious when you compare your kids to others?

[loraxc]

Not a rhetorical question. This is something I have really been wondering. Hope the thread can stay civil.

I have sometimes felt jealous over little things, like wishing I had kids who stayed close in crowds (both my kids are such wanderers!). In the broader picture--I used to feel sincerely jealous of people who had easygoing kids who did not freak out and throw tantrums and generally...obstruct. This was when I had just one. As it turned out, kid #2 IS easygoing, and I don't really have that worm in my heart anymore.

In terms of being jealous of other kids' accomplishments or talents or looks or whatever--no, not really. However, I know my DH feels a little envious when he runs into kids who are really musical. (DH is musical, but the kids don't seem to be.) I don't. I truly feel happy for the kids/parents when I see awesome, unique, amazing attributes that my kids don't have.

But I do know what it is like to feel jealous of another parent whose kid seems to BEHAVE so much better than yours, or to be so much easier to parent.

[EviesMom]

You know, I think everybody is jealous of something about other kids or parents sometimes. It's human nature. Unless you live with a lot of jealousy, constantly, I think just let yourself feel it and let it pass on.

[loraxc]

Maybe I should clarify, because I think my title is misleading. I'm not concerned about my own jealousy levels. I just wonder how common it is in other parents, and how serious the feelings are. I wonder this in part because of some situations in my life that are making me feel the need to get a feel for how common jealousy of other parents/other kids is.

I suppose it will be really hard to get accurate answers.

[LaLaLaLa]

All the time. And I comment on it, and we bond. I'm jealous of the way my niece is so polite all the time. My SIL is jealous of the way my two kids can play together and entertain each other.

I'm jealous of the way my friend's kid listens so well. She's jealous of the way my DD is so outgoing and makes friends so easily.

Everyone has something.

[Petie1104]

Yup, I'm jealous that other parent's don't have a child that is as demanding as my dd. I'm jealous that other parent's have children that are coordinated enough to excel at sports. I'm jealous when I see children who know what an inside voice is. Doesn't mean I love mine any less, but jealousy is a human emotion and I believe we possess it for a good reason. It can go overboard, but it can also make us reach for higher goals. I accept it.

[fairejour]

No, but I get really pissed when other people don't appreciate how lucky they are to have healthy, whole children. My daughter is profoundly deaf, has a tremendous language delay, and struggles to learn to read because of brain damage caused by a doctor's negligence. My daughter doesn't deserve to have to struggle every minute of her life because of the arrogance of one man.

Jealous, no. Mad, yeah.

[liliaceae]

Nope. I wish my kids were easier to deal with sometimes, but I'm never jealous when someone else has easier kids.

[Norasmomma]

I am, my DD has been extremely difficult at times. She would scream, throw crazy tantrums, run away and just be awful. I would see other moms with kids her age who mellow children and wonder "WTH?! am I doing wrong?" Really though, she is an amazing, precocious, spirited little girl who now makes me laugh most days. As a toddler she was just rough. Still there are days I wish she would just calm down a bit.

I'm jealous of my SILs who are both mothers of more kids who do it more gracefully than me, I feel like a boat being tossed in a hurricane half the time. My friend tells me I run a tight ship, but I always feel like it's half sinking.

Mostly though I am happy, I have 2 beautiful bright children who are wonderful for who they are.

[VBMama]

When I just had one, and he was an INCREDIBLY high needs baby/toddler, I was jealous of the parenting experience that I thought other parents were having with their children when it looked easier than mine. Now, a few more years and a few more kids into parenting, I realize that everyone has different struggles and different joys with their children, no matter what you see on the surface. So in answer to your original question, yes, I used to feel envious of other children sometimes, but I rarely do anymore.

[Smokering]

When DD was a baby, yeah. Other people had babies who'd sit happily for hours in a bean bag or bouncinette. Mine wouldn't do that for two minutes. I loved holding her, but, you know, occasionally I wanted to do wild things like brush my teeth or make dinner.

Now as a toddler, I mostly feel lucky. She's not abnormally good, but she's healthy and happy and attractive and smart and generally delightful. I occasionally feel guilty about how easy/privileged she is.

[Tigerchild]

My jealousies are mostly perceived behavior ones. I say perceived because literally EVERY time I have mentioned it (generally only to people I am close to/trust), the mom enlightens me that yes, they did/do have difficult moments! And not in a self-deprecating or putting their kid down way--just in a very real way.

Those conversations have helped me grow immensely--both in how I perceive my own kids, but also in modeling how to compassionately respond to parents having a hard time/going with their kids through a difficult phase.

[Storm Bride]

Never when it was just ds1. I have had envious moments over some behavioural things with dd1 and ds2. I envy my own mom, because my sister and I didn't fight, and dd1 and ds2 squabble. all. the. time. I was sometimes envious of the other moms at ds2's preschool, when their kids followed them to the car, and ds2 ran outside or went into the squash court and started screaming (it echoed - yes, it was way cool, and I'd have loved it as a kid). I envied moms with babies who wanted to cuddle, bedshare, be worn around the house, etc. when dd1 was a baby (she wanted none of those things). I sometimes envy people who can offer the advice of "just read to him if you're not feeling well", because their child will actually sit still and be read to for more than one short paragraph (dd1 will - ds2 won't).

So, yes - I have my envious moments. Like you, OP, I'm okay with them. I adore my kids - they're a crazy, highly energetic, creative, intelligent, active, engaging bunch, which is a lot of fun. It's just very tiring sometimes.

[kcparker]

I am jealous of people whose children have beautiful, luxurious heads of hair, and the ones who are totally potty-trained by their second birthdays, and I am a teensy bit jealous of people who have girls. DS1 was a high-needs baby, but it actually never occurred to me that other babies were any different. I assumed EVERYBODY'S babies were like him. DS2 is pretty mellow, and I am grateful every single day for that. Really, I think my guys are pretty wonderful, and I have no complaints. They will grow hair and take care of pottying themselves if I just keep waiting. Chances of one of them turning into a girl are pretty low (though I suppose not inconceivable).

[Peony]

I am jealous of people that have children that actually sleep. 3 children and almost 8 years and not a single one actually STTN. Apparently my genetic material does not produce sleeping children.

I am slightly bitter after weeks of even more nightwaking then usual and a 18m old who has been up since 1am.

[Jaxinator]

Quite honestly, no. He's completely perfect for me.
Sometimes I wish my kid was a bit less picky with food, but other than that....

I'm pretty sure I lucked out completely and I'm scared if I have another child that it'll be difficult.

[Wild Lupine]

Originally Posted by Peony

I am jealous of people that have children that actually sleep. 3 children and almost 8 years and not a single one actually STTN. Apparently my genetic material does not produce sleeping children.

I am slightly bitter after weeks of even more nightwaking then usual and a 18m old who has been up since 1am.

As I was reading I was thinking that the only thing I'm ever jealous about is parents who are well rested- or at least better rested than me. Everything else I just attribute to the ups and downs of each stage and personality type.

[Ninetales]

The only thing I ever really envy is when my sister puts her baby in her crib for a nap and she just...lies there, and goes to sleep. Mine thinks naps are a joke and it can be really hard going for a visit with someone when she gets tired, because it's very hard to get her to sleep anywhere, especially when we're not home. But at least she sleeps well at night so I cling to that.

[Alyantavid]

The only time I'm jealous of other parents is when I'm in a store and my kids are all over the place and then I see some family walking along with their kids being nice and quiet and just behaving.

Other than those times, I'm glad I have kids with energy and curiosity. I just wish they weren't so curious when we are shopping.

I do wish ds2 didn't have a food allergy. It just makes his life so much harder when he can't have what everyone else has.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I try not to. I mean I REALLY REALLY try, because I do know how lucky I am. They are healthy, happy, have two arms, two legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, two eyes, a nose, a mouth, no sickness, no behavioral or developmental delays. REally, im very blessed, and I remind myself of that every.single.day.

But on days where I see a 10 month old sitting in a stroller, quietly occupying himself with a baby toy, giggling and squealing to himself, I get slightly jealous that neither of my kids were every like, and STILL arent. They are go.go.go all.day.long, and I get worn out. But when i put them to bed, and i sit in the quiiet living room after picking up the toys, putting away the dirty clothes, cleaning up the juice spills and dirty floor, and reflect on the evening and the moments of pure bliss, I remember just how lucky I am.

WAs that totally hokey or what?

[petey44]

Nope, my kid is the kid everyone else is jealous of
But seriously, in my mind it is like that. I think my daughter's great, and I just assume that she's her grandparent's favorite and a favorite at daycare. I guess I could be wrong...