But what if they WON'T eat when they're hungry? (spinoff from alternate meals thread)

[LCBMAX]

Our issue is not so much about what food we offer our son, so I didn't want to crowd the other thread with this, but I read through it (to date) hoping someone would speak to our issue, which is:

Our son will mostly NOT recognize that he's hungry, so if we follow our very free-range inclinations and leave appetizing things available, we just live in the land of melt-downs -- even more than we already do, I mean. To avoid the extra meltdowns each day, we will sometimes end up kind of tricking him into some eating. (Like, "Oh you look like a lion in the zoo! Do lions like cheese? Here you go, Lion!") Once there's a little food in his belly, he can be enticed to the little table and he will often gobble up what is there. Even if there is no gobbling, at least he'll eat some on his own.

What we really hate is that we find ourselves reading to him or telling stories just to distract him enough to pop some bites in there. So much of the time it's as if we're feeding someone who can't feed himself.

We have a vague goal of letting him eat what he likes and then excusing him to go play, but 1 - he just won't eat, and 10 minutes later there's weeping and wailing and demands for breast milk which is no longer my favorite thing and 2 - he won't go play by himself, so even a brief meal in which we adults sit there and scarf up a fast salad just can't happen. We have to tag team.

We also still suffer with less than good sleep many nights each week. It's just he and daddy in the bed, so I'm more or less in the clear, but hey, daddy needs a brain too. I still am attached to the idea that a full belly helps with good sleep. At dinner I offer healthy fats and proteins which he enjoys anyway. Clearly it doesn't always work, but the nights he does sleep well are consistently well-fed dinner nights too.

I should say that when he refuses, we clarify that he's done, and go through our end of meal ritual (being excused, wiping hands and table, off you go.) We never force or coerce any eating, we just totally enable all of it!

So basically, we've worked ourselves into a kind of corner in order to avoid a meltdown (which leads to nursing) and poor sleep (which leads to meltdowns for all ages.)

thoughts? flames? suggestions? btdts?

[EviesMom]

I have a younger child who will, if I don't keep on top of it, go so long without food that he's starving and cranky and crazy. Then he's basically too cranky to eat. Frequent snacks help. And appetizers that are super simple, always loved stuff helps too. Cheese, cashews, carrot sticks, and the like.

I also make meals that are customizable for each person. IE-I make a big pot of pasta, broccoli, tomatoes and onions, and I make sauce, but I put them all on the table separately. DH and I mix all. DD does pasta and broccoli, no sauce. DS does pasta and sauce, and broccoli on the side. All fine, everyone eats. I haven't made different special meals or gone to a lot more effort though. Tacos/burritos and omelets are also good for this.

[treeoflife3]

I don't have the issue of kiddo not recognizing that she is hungry and having meltdowns - but we are in the midst of a phase where she just plain doesn't want to eat for me. She'll eat tons if other people serve her food and participate in her eating it.. but me? she'd rather go to bed hungry and wake up in the middle of the night to nurse. It is frustrating to say the least.

[fairejour]

My daughter has this problem, and it is BAD! She is 7 and it has continued everyday. It is because she has sensory issues. She is actually, physically unable to feel hungry. She just isn't sensitive to it. Her blood sugar drops just like everyone elses, so she gets very crabby. We have had to schedule her meals very carefully to make sure she doesn't get too hungry.

[MamaPhD]

DD is going throuhg a similar thing. She won't eat, gets hungry, gets cranky so won't eat. What has worked for us is to snack right before meals. It seemed counter-intuitive at first but it works as appetizer. I usually give her part of what I am making as a preview or fruit or cheese. Also, DD will eat the weirdest food combinations, so she will eat grilled fish and ask for a plum. Then she eats both the fish & plum at the same time. Sometimes I feel like my morning sickness is returning just looking at her, but hey, as long as she is eating! Also if I ask her "do you want some steak?" she will almost always say no. But if she is hanging out in the kitchen while I'm making steak, and I cut up some pieces and present them in front of her mouth (not forcing it, just showing it to her I guess), she always opens wide and eats them happily!

[tzs]

i don't really have this problem but one idea i always likes was the idea of a toddler snack tray that is always available with stuff like fruit, cheese cubes, etc... would he graze on that? maybe if it was a cute tray that he picked out???

for us if dd isn't really getting started 2 things tend to work.
one is if we are all sitting at the table and eating the same thing. it works if i eat with her but works 100% better if her tatty is there too.

the other is to load something up on a fork for her. she loves eating with the fork and trying to poke things so sometimes just the sight of something stuck on the fork will get her to stick something in her mouth that she even previously wouldn't try.

hope you get good ideas from btdt moms!

[alfabetsoup]

Scheduled mealtimes work better than grazing for some kids, especially the ones that "forget" to eat. I think some babies find it hard to make the transition from milk=food to food=food and the best way to do it (IME) is to offer more formal meals and snacks. When DD2 was making the switch I sat at the table with her for every meal and snack for a few weeks and it really seemed to help. She was super skinny and just not eating enough actual food--just a cracker here, bit of cheese there. She doesn't have snacks at the table anymore but does eat all her meals there, with at least one other member of the family eating at the same time.

The other strategy I've used is to pre-empt hunger--it seems once they feel it, it's almost too late iyswim. So we have breakfast as soon as we get up, lunch between 11:30 and 12, and dinner between 4:45 and 5:15, snacks in between (though I limit for about 30 mins before a meal) and milk and a small snack at bedtime. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.

HTH!!

[ellemenope]

Yes, DD (27 months) is uninterested in food. I think I can count the number of times she has asked for a meal on one hand. In fact, we have, for whatever reason, forgotten to feed her without her complaining many more times. Sometimes, I think I am only feeding her for my own good. She does not whine for food and only rarely seems to have a 'low blood sugar reaction'. But, this is something I am watching for more carefully now as she is getting older.

She of course loves ice cream and cookies, but even these she picks at compared to other kids. She will also eat butter by the pad.

For meals we basically focus on all of us sitting down for three meals a day and maintaining an appropriate balance of fat, protien, vitamins and minerals, with carbs. We take into account the week as a whole and not just the one meal. Of course, she prefers carbs. We do try to hold those back. We never hold back fats or dairy. And, we are always gently hoping for her to eat meat and veggies.

She is very anti-fruit, and has only just recently tolerated gnawing on a peeled apple. As far as vegetable and meat. She has a major texture issue. She seems to enjoy the taste of some but only chews it up and spits it out. She does not swallow most meat or veggies. We always let her do this but then offer her alternative protien and vitamin supplements.

Then, on top of that, she is extremely picky and stubborn. She picks apart food (will not eat a sandwich) and hates when food is mixed (esp. different textures.) You just cannot hide food in anything with her. She tends to focus on one food item a meal and eat only that (like the melted cheese in the quesadilla, but then the next day it could by the bit of tortilla on the side she only eats.)

I do believe in keeping her appetite up with snacks. Snacking definately upps her caloric and nutritional intake for the day. We have not seen a any negative affect on mealtimes.

These are our go-to snacks right now:

peeled apple
sliced avocado
spoonful peanut butter
dried blueberries
cheese
kefir smoothie

She seems really healthy. She has shiny golden hair, nice nails. She does have a variable palor that might correlate to her diet. That is the first thing I address when I think she looks a little pale. She is active and well-behaved and smart as a tack.

She just has no interest in food.

[34me]

My 14 yo ds is still like this. and, as such is an even more cranky teenager than most. I wish I had known the words texture aversion when he was that age. Getting him desensitized to textures would have made living with him so much easier now.

[blizzard_babe]

DS1, 2.5 y/o, is totally like this. He'll play and play and play and refuse all offers of food, no matter how tantalizing, until he's so cranky that he's even LESS likely to eat.

I've found that I sit down on the couch (not at the table... he's totally on to that trickery ) and just start really obviously eating something I know he likes, he'll come over and nosh a few bites. It can be enough to break the cycle. "Ooh, you want a peanut butter sandwich just like mine? We can match." He's in a matching stage . Or I'll just let him eat whatever I'm eating, since the whole point wasn't that *I* was hungry anyway and lordy knows I don't need the extra calories .

[brennan]

Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one! Dd just doesn't eat! I offer, I make what she asks, she helps me make them, but NOTHING and she is so small. I try really hard not to worry, but when she goes a really long time without eating, I worry. She will drink cow's milk like its going out of style, but other then that.....oh she'll drink broth too. We went to see a pediatrician because she was so small and she said as long as I'm offering its fine, she won't starve herself, but sometimes I feel like she kind of is.

No advice, just commiseration!