So we've discussed a lot about how to respond when relatives, friends, coworkers, and total strangers tell us we should be using CIO. But how do you respond to people when they tell you, often accompanied by them saying it somehow saved them and their child, that they used CIO on their baby?
This has happened to me twice recently and I'm never sure what to say to that. Yesterday I was strolling with my new next-door neighbor and our babies. She was saying how her son (who's now 14 months) wanted attention at night and if she picked him up he would cry the next night too, so she "did it the hard way and let him cry". I was like "ooh!" ~said with the painful tone of "Ouch!".
And left it at that. I mean, I really don't feel like getting into it with my new neighbor, who I otherwise like well enough and would like to keep the door open, so to speak.
However, it's on par, in my book, with casually saying "Our baby cried a lot so we slapped him upside the head and now he doesn't cry as much any more." In that case you could at least call CPS, kwim? There is a feeling like I want to intervene and help save the poor baby from this awful fate. And I would say if you know a baby's being abused it's your obligation to step in. It's just that, sadly, CIO is not seen as abuse in our culture and even the opposite. So saying something about it mostly falls on deaf ears.
On the other hand, I hate it when people butt into my parenting ("He should have his own bed" "You shouldn't pick him up when he cries", blah blah blah), and I don't believe I'm going to convince anyone of anything, so I mostly feel it's not worth the energy. If someone is attacking my parenting by saying I should let my baby CIO, then I feel the need to defend myself and explain why I don't use CIO. But to argue it with someone else who's already done it, and isn't telling me I should do it? What's the point?
Still, it's a really awkward situation.
This has happened to me twice recently and I'm never sure what to say to that. Yesterday I was strolling with my new next-door neighbor and our babies. She was saying how her son (who's now 14 months) wanted attention at night and if she picked him up he would cry the next night too, so she "did it the hard way and let him cry". I was like "ooh!" ~said with the painful tone of "Ouch!".
And left it at that. I mean, I really don't feel like getting into it with my new neighbor, who I otherwise like well enough and would like to keep the door open, so to speak.However, it's on par, in my book, with casually saying "Our baby cried a lot so we slapped him upside the head and now he doesn't cry as much any more." In that case you could at least call CPS, kwim? There is a feeling like I want to intervene and help save the poor baby from this awful fate. And I would say if you know a baby's being abused it's your obligation to step in. It's just that, sadly, CIO is not seen as abuse in our culture and even the opposite. So saying something about it mostly falls on deaf ears.
On the other hand, I hate it when people butt into my parenting ("He should have his own bed" "You shouldn't pick him up when he cries", blah blah blah), and I don't believe I'm going to convince anyone of anything, so I mostly feel it's not worth the energy. If someone is attacking my parenting by saying I should let my baby CIO, then I feel the need to defend myself and explain why I don't use CIO. But to argue it with someone else who's already done it, and isn't telling me I should do it? What's the point?
Still, it's a really awkward situation.
