Do you still believe in "happily ever after"?

[red and lulu]

While I am (and always have been) comfortable not being in a relationship I find myself increasingly aware that I do sorta want to be in love, to want to marry someone (or at least share my life with them). That was a huge indicator for me that xp and I weren't a good match-- I was so jealous of my girlfriends getting married and having these shared pregnancy and birth experiences with their partners, and there I was "with" someone who I don't feel connected to at all.

My friends all say that love is out there for me somewhere... but it feels kinda silly holding my breath for that "perfect" relationship. No relationship is 100% perfect, i know, but something functional would suffice. I feel sorta defective, not fit for fairytales. I'm just feeling hopeless in the love dept.

How do you feel about it?

[meemee]

here is my attitude. just because i got it wrong the first time, doesnt mean i can never have it.

will i have it? i dont know. i have become extremely choosy and stubborn. with the kind of life i am going into it is not condusive to a family life if my future partner is not into it.

however i really do appreciate the history of a relationship + same residence.

i am at a point in my life where my friends are extremely precious to me. i would not want to lose any of them. we have shared too much to just give up.

no i dont hold my breath. i would be fine if there was someone, i would be fine if there was no one.

i have a passion in my life. anyone who comes along has to compliment that. i am not giving up my goals. i mean i cant. if future partner cant join my life then i cannot have a partner.

OH MAMA i just read your last part. you must be new at this. NO please dont feel defective. if you got a D in your first test does that mean you are not an A student? dont wait around for love to come with you.

do things. get involved. get busy and they will come. and because you met at a common ground you would have a great relationship.

oh please. what an insult to feel defective. that is such a horrible word. as if something is wrong with you. hate this social conditioning.

[Avani]

Happily ever after? Well happiness comes from within and if you aren't happy with yourself then you will never be happy. Partner or not. So my belief is be happy with yourself and be grateful for every little thing throughout your life. That way whether or not you have a partner, you're still happy and satisfied with life.

[RollerCoasterMama]

I don't know. I have some fabulous examples around me. Long term PARTNERSHIPS with shared goals, where both parents were equally motivated in starting a family, and that continued once the kids were born. I thought that's what I was getting. I tried SO hard to get there.

I'm perfectly comfortable being single. It's simple. I'm busy and there's really no one I'm vaguely interested in anyway! More importantly, I need to get where I feel like I'm worth it. I wasn't even in an abusive relationship or anything, and *I* was the one that initiated the divorce. But I still came out feeling like damaged goods--MUCH healthier! But still damaged.

It's going to take super fabulous amazing guy to make me actually commit. I can see dating a bit in a year or so (bleh! but ok, a girl gets lonely sometimes!), but *relationship*...yikes!
Maybe one day.

I like living on my own. But I also miss having a best friend. Having someone to always have my back (besides my ex--who wants to be super helpful, but we need some boundaries!). Grown-up time. Not feeling like the odd one out.

So I'm continuing on my quest to rediscover ME and like ME. Then we'll see where things land. I put ten years into trying to have a healthy marriage. I can put a few into a healthy ME before complicating things.

[kblackstone444]

Happily ever after in the romantic sense? No. You can think you have it all, no warning signs, literally someone fool you up to the very morning of the day they tell you they no longer love you and want a divorce, and destroy your family in a heartbeat, leaving you and your children literally lost. Happily ever after as is happy with your life as you make it? I hope so... I'm working on it...

[Sativarain1]

Originally Posted by kblackstone444

Happily ever after in the romantic sense? No. You can think you have it all, no warning signs, literally someone fool you up to the very morning of the day they tell you they no longer love you and want a divorce, and destroy your family in a heartbeat, leaving you and your children literally lost. Happily ever after as is happy with your life as you make it? I hope so... I'm working on it...

This is how I feel, when you trust and love someone so much and then they turn on you, it's the worst feeling. I did see warning signs though and blindly ignored them because things were still somewhat good then.

I don't know if I can ever trust again.

[One_Girl]

I don't ever want to go through a romantic relationship again. There were very few good things and a whole lot of bad things about my marriage and I don't have any desire to go through that again. I trust lots of people and have no issues there, I just don't want to chance being blinded and suffering (especiallly now that I would be dragging a child through that hell with me if I make a bad choice because I am blinded by love).

[lilyka]

I do believe it is out there. I just don't know if it is out there for me. I feel like I missed my chance. I want so badly to get married and have another kid or two and I want it all to be perfect but I don't see that happening. I am not under the delusions of the perfect life like I was last time. I know more about men. I know more about me. At this point I would settle for not dying alone.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by lilyka

I am not under the delusions of the perfect life like I was last time. I know more about men. I know more about me. At this point I would settle for not dying alone.

Me, too. I don't want to get into anything else, and if I do, I'll need to wait until the kids are grown (18 years for the little one!), but I don't want to die alone. I was never meant to go through life alone.

[simplemama32]

Originally Posted by kblackstone444

Happily ever after as is happy with your life as you make it? I hope so... I'm working on it...

[PoppyMama]

I agree with KB4. I'm hyper vigilant about my partner's responses and behavior (as well as mine) but I don't want to blow it that way so I keep it to my self unless it's very important. We have a lot of "talks". My relationship is a ton of work and I kinda resent the loss of the belief that it should be easier.

[Storm Bride]

I'm not a single mom, but I saw this thread on the main forums page...

I believe in "happily ever after" and I believe in love. However, to get from love to "happily ever after" takes a whole lot of work, in a whole lot of ways. And, love and happiness don't mean "perfect". I agree that there are no perfect relationships...but I'm very, very happy with dh, and we love each other very much.

[pregnant@40]

Do I still believe in the "happily ever after" myth, where they ride into the sunset & all is wonderful for the rest of their lives? After ten years of marriage, no. In fact, the idea of marriage doesn't really bring up hugely romantic ideas for me anymore. I think it's all really about children anyway, and "falling in love" & sexual desire trick us into pairing up w/ someone so that we reproduce & raise children. Otherwise there would be no population. How cynical is that?

But I do love & like my husband, it's just a redefined type of love (more realistic).

And I do think life is more enjoyable and secure w/ a partner, if the two people are compatible. It's definitely easier to raise children when you share it w/ someone, and the kids greatly benefit. There are many moments of fun & laughter, too. With reasonable expectations, I think looking for & finding a partner would be a great thing to do, if it's something you want in your life. I wouldn't look for "perfect", but rather comfortable & honest & generous & fun. Just general compatibility and mostly shared vision, w/ built-in room for having differences, too.

[smeep]

I have so many friends who have been in similar situations and found their "happily ever after" SOs....but I can't help but think I won't. It's like logically I know that it's very possible, but I don't truly believe it anymore. Though considering I'm pregnant right now, I am not in the place to really be focusing on dating at all. lol So that helps me not dwell on it.

[mommy_to_2angels]

I believe in love, but I'm a little wary of the happily ever after thing. The long term relationships around me are fraught with disagreement and unhappiness and it worries me. I believe that we can find true happiness. It may be with someone and it may not. I am so happy with the man I am with now. But it could change and honestly, I would be okay with that. I don't need a man to be happy.

With that said: Relationships are like raising children. There are bumps and bruises, there are fights and there are meltdowns. You have to nurture and cherish the relationship and it will grow and expand with time. There has to be give and take on both sides. If there isn't, you will fail. You cannot expect to have a successful relationship without a lot of work.