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Thank you cards- how much do they matter to you

Poll Results: Thank you cards- how do you feel?

  • 39% (67)
    Yes, thank you cards are essential!
  • 8% (14)
    I could go either way
  • 49% (84)
    Thank you cards are not necessary- save a tree and thank me in person/some other way
  • 2% (5)
    Other (explain)
170 Total Votes  
post #1 of 92
Thread Starter 
Ok so for the backstory: DH and I got married back in September. We planned and financed the entire wedding ourselves, with help from our very close friends and family. We have an 18mo DS and are building a small cabin for ourselves, so money/time/sanity are very, very tight right now!

For wedding favors I handpicked blackberries and made jars of jam for each of our 60 guests to take home with them, with a little tag that said "Thanks for Jammin' With Us!" For the close family and friends that helped us out tremendously, I made gift bags with a note, jam and a loaf of homemade bread (so I made like 20 of these).

Well, my grandmother called and said that my aunt was very upset that she has not seen a thank you card in her mail box from us and couldn't believe how rude I am. To tell you the truth, I completely forgot to send thank you cards to everyone who came and I really think I thanked everyone before they left and with the jam.

I don't ever 'look' for thank you cards after events, am I alone?
post #2 of 92
IMO, the jam (such an awesome idea!) was the wedding favor, and doesn't take the place of a proper, personalized thank you note. "Thanks for jammin' with us" is a sweet sentiment for a favor, but a real thank you note is addressed to an individual (or family) and specifically thanks them for their presence and their gift.

That said, I think that your aunt passing along her irritation about the situation is just as rude as not writing a note in the first place. It doesn't really bug me not to receive a thank you note, but I do always make sure to write them.
post #3 of 92
A wedding favor is not a hand written thank you for my thoughtfully chosen gift. I realize this is getting to be a generational thing but I'm 44 and most of my friends still write them.
post #4 of 92
its not cheap to send mail any more. I would e-mail and nice thank you to everyone that does e-mail and for the older folks.... a post card type thank you would be the least expensive.
post #5 of 92
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by philomom View Post
I realize this is getting to be a generational thing but I'm 44 and most of my friends still write them.
That was what I was wondering! We have a large circle of late 20's to late 30's (mostly) crunchy friends, so it feels like we are constantly going to baby showers, birthdays, weddings, etc... and we've never gotten/sent thank you cards, and no one has ever said anything about it
post #6 of 92
For me, you can just save the tree. I don't expect thank you's beyond what you give at the wedding. Writing out a personalized thank you card is fine if you only have a couple of people to send them to, but when there are a whole bunch of people it just because a tedious, time consuming task that I assume the person who got married doesn't have time for.
post #7 of 92
i actually prefer to not get a card.

an email, a phone call or a text... but a paper card? seems like a waste.
post #8 of 92
my sister and i were just talking about this and we think it is ridiculous to HAVE to send a card to someone who was already thanked in person or shown appreciation in some way. i would prefer to call someone to say thank you than to mail a small generic card that is going to get thrown in the garbage.
post #9 of 92
I think thank-you cards in that situation are necessary, and I'd be insulted if I never received a thank-you card for a wedding gift. I mean, I wouldn't be sitting around waiting for it, anxiously checking the mail daily. But if it happened to occur to me that the person hadn't sent one, I'd probably think to myself, "How rude!" And move on.

Also, I'd never dream of not sending thank-you cards out after a wedding. In my experience it's just what's "done," and I wouldn't dream of not doing it!

I'm 36, if that matters.
post #10 of 92
I think they are wasteful, but I send them because I think it's the appropriate thing to do, especially for a wedding or shower.

That said, I thought etiquette "rules" state you have three months to send them out.
post #11 of 92
I don't care about thank you cards at all. I also think they're particularly pointless if you've thanked the person already (in person, over the phone, etc.).

I do get that they're expected after weddings, and am mortified that dh and I never got ours sent out (comedy of errors, involving missing addresses- most guests were invited by phone, misplaced list of who gave us what, pregnancy fatigue and a move). But, I don't care at all if I get them or not.
post #12 of 92
I love thank you cards. I love sending them and I love recieving them.

Honestly, I just came across a thank you note that I received a few months ago that had been tucked into some pile of papers and reading it for a second time warmed my heart all over again. To me it is a really nice gesture to let those who love you know that their gift is appreciated.

I've been known to send second thank you notes several months (or years) later to let the giver know that their gift is still blessing me.

I guess it doesn't have to be pen-paper-USPS, but I feel like some sort of specific, personalized thank you is due after gift giving occassions.
post #13 of 92
While I personally think it is silly to write someone to thank them for a gift I thanked them for in person, I do it for my mom. She is the kind of mom who wants her girls to write thank you notes, so we do. Sounds like Grandma is getting the grief about your thank you notes, so I would write them for her sake.
post #14 of 92
I rarely receive thank you notes from anyone. I do insist that my children send personalized thank you notes after birthdays and Christmas (or for other occasions when a gift is received). I think if someone took the time to pick up a gift for you the least you can do is send a note letting them know how you feel about it. If sending a note is too much trouble than a quick phone call would be nice too.

It is disappointing to not receive a thank you in some form after a wedding. While your wedding favors were cute they don't recognize the individual's specific gift to you.
post #15 of 92
I'm sick of writing thank you notes. Especially for gifts that I've already said thank you to the giver in-person. And usually I will call or email if a gift has come through the mail. However, I think some of the older generation feel that it's rude not to. How about thank you postcard...those are less expensive to send and you don't have to write much on them!
post #16 of 92
I also wanted to add...

I feel like (for me) thanking someone at the moment you receive the gift and sending a thank you note are two separate things. The first is a "thank you for handing me a gift" and the second is more of a "thank you for the thought you put into this gift. We love [insert specific something about it/ your life/etc]"

Not always, but many times, in my experience. Especially in a party or group setting. It takes me a while to really appreciate some gifts in a way that I wouldn't right away when I thank them in person.
post #17 of 92
I love the idea of sending cards for any occasion, but I also am lazy

Thank You's are great but honestly? I think outdated. When I get thank you I go "oh, cute" and normally it ends up getting chucked which I hate. I'd much much rather get/give a heartfelt email, or some sort of baked "thank you" good!
post #18 of 92
I can't honestly remember the last time I sent a 'thank you' note to anyone, let alone received one. I'm sitting here trying to think, and I really don't know. I think they're (in general at least) an utterly huge waste of both paper/trees and money!!
post #19 of 92
I remember as a small child thinking that thank you notes were a really dumb idea and still do.

I was about 8 or 9 when a friend sent one for a present that I got her for her birthday. Of course her mom made her and she thought it was a weird thing to do too. Even at that age I told my mom that I thought there were much better things to kill trees for.

I also think birthday cards, and all other cards just for the sake of giving them is really dumb. I can call my parents and grandparents on their birthday, but they are offended if I don't also send them a card. Kill a tree appease a family member. I don't send them, so most of my family is ussaly mad at me most of the year.
post #20 of 92
I have to say that I really appreciate thank you cards. If my dh and I go to a wedding out of town, take two days off of work to get there, pay for a hotel, meals, give an envelope with $$$ in it ....I think that acknowledging with a card and a 57cent stamp is not really alot to ask.....and it confirms that the people really received the $$$ we gave.
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