Intro/first post and 16 month old with heightened oral fixation and frequent nursing

[thaihotmama]

Hi. This is my first - of I am sure many to come - post. I don't even know how I made it this far along without these forums!! I assume everything I will write is completely normal, but I have to let it out to a receptive and understanding audience.

My only child, 16 months old, is still nursing. In fact, he is nursing more now than he did a few months back. He nurses easily 8 times a day when we are home and asks many more times, including right after finishing. I want to respect his requests, but it has really gotten to be too much. When we are out and otherwise distracted, the requests are much more reasonable. I truly think he is just bored and my huge hooters draw him in like a moth to a flame. If I slip away, he and his daddy get along fine for long stretches without me. OK. I'll give him more credit. The boobs are comforting. But I would rather play more these days than we get to due to this situation.

He has a (aagh) paci for naps and night time, that we remove when we can. Lately, his fingers, hand or whatever else is pretty constantly in his mouth. Drool everywhere. He has all but his secondary molars and has for a couple of months now. No new teeth on the way that we can tell.

He would never have anything to do with his crib, so he has co-slept. However, sleeping with me will NOT work, as he tosses and wants to nurse many times during the night, keeping everyone awake. Sleeping with his daddy (me in a separate room) works perfectly. He generally sleeps well all night long, without tossing and nursing. Napping? Yeah, we are down to a daily 1 hour nap (plus 9 or so at night - he has never slept much at all). He has to take that nap with me, generally in my lap. If I "abandon" him in any fashion, he wakes up and is a terror the rest of the day.

Everything on course? I'd love to either all share the family bed or get the baby in his own bed, even if in our room. I would LOVE to be able to get away during his naps. I would LOVE not to be a boob slave so very much of the day. I get NOTHING done as I am either holding him for naps, nursing him, being led around the house to do the things he wants, etc. My husband is, truly, a saint for all the cooking he does. We DO need a maid, though!

Anything sound too out of whack? Any suggestions?

Thanks for any advice and I am so glad this community exists!

[pbjmama]

I can relate to your post. I became exhausted and started looking for solutions when my ds was about 18 months. A couple of months later I decided to have an occupational therapy evaluation. Sure enough he had some sensory issues. We started OT at 22 months and did it for about 6 months, more intense at first and down to 2x a month towards the end. The difference was night and day - he slept. He was able to function. I was able to function. At the beginning I kicked myself for not trying to find a solution earlier! It was life changing. And, in our case ds didn't get a diagnosis, his problem isn't ongoing and he functions at a typical level now at 4.5 years. I'm not sure about your case but it sounds so similar to ours that I wanted to post in the event it helps you get something figured out!

[mamazee]

Are you positive it isn't teething, because it sounds so very very much like that.

[crunchy_mommy]

Hmm that sounds a lot like a milder form of my DS but my DS has never been very 'normal' so I'm not the best judge...

Around 18mos I started limiting nursing (not because I wanted to wean but because I *needed* to do something besides nurse all. day. long. (He would nurse several times an hour before that, so 20+ times a day & all night long). He has taken to it OK and is nursing far less, though we still have some days where he requires the constant nursing (he's now 21 mos). Your DS nursing ~8 times a day sounds very normal to me, though I'm sure many toddlers nurse less & if it's not working for you, it's understandable to change it! We cut down on nursing by offering snacks instead, lots & lots of distraction (reading books & other favorite activities), and spending tons of time out of the house.

He doesn't do the hand in the mouth thing all the time but I'm pretty sure it's related to teething. He has been teething since 3 months old but didn't get his first teeth 'til after a year I think? His teeth come in & retract so it's pretty painful & frequent for him even when we see no teeth... are you sure your DS isn't teething?

As far as the nightime nursing, DS woke up every 30-90 minutes for most of the last 20 months (and every 5-10 minutes many nights) but I see more & more nights lately where he is sleeping better. I notice a big correlation between daytime nursing frequency & nightime nursing frequency, though it's a bit of a chicken & egg scenario, I can't say for sure that nursing less causes less nightime waking or vice versa!

I'm sure I'm being no help at all here... I guess I'm saying that regardless of whether your DS is acting 'normal', he's certainly not the only one acting that way & there are things you can do to make it more bearable (sounds like you are already doing that with sleeping in separate beds etc.) DS always naps on my lap so I understand that frustration but if you don't think he'd be receptive to napping any other way, try to make naptime useful for you too -- whether you nap along with him, or spend some time reading or on a laptop, or watching a favorite movie -- whatever would make you look forward to that time.

[pbjmama]

I came back because I agree with the other posters too - this could be really normal. My point, which I didn't make very well, is that if you feel there is something off there might be something off. In my experience parents are not always the best judge of these things because they are too close to the situation. Similar to you can always tell what the problems are in other people relationships but you can't figure out yours.

[thaihotmama]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Hmm that sounds a lot like a milder form of my DS but my DS has never been very 'normal' so I'm not the best judge...

YIKES! Bless your heart, crunchy_mama! We had colic here, major bf difficulties, on and on... So I feel your - degree of - pain, perhaps, though in somewhat different areas. Naptime is definitely my Facebook and now MDC time! He usually won't let me nap with him - in that he either wakes up when I lay us down or he just won't go to sleep laying down with me, nursing.

Everybody, thank you. It's so strange how it sort of helps to feel like you aren't completely alone in all the craziness, even though I hate to hear others have trouble, too. Maybe we will go along with a teething theory for a while. We had a good day today, so I am not feeling beat up right now. Teething has been very hard on us in the past and I can't wait to be through it. Seems like canines may have been the worst so far. REALLY hope the last molars are somewhat easier?!?