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If you could only SAH for 3 years of your kid's life.... - Page 2

post #21 of 77
I vote first 3 also. If you get a high needs baby like my dd1 — whew! I just can't imagine her in daycare. She would have cried non-stop. It was hard enough when she went to preschool. She really, really needed me those first three years. She continues to need me, but she's at school most of the day and there are about 2-2.5 hrs extra she gets me vs if I had a 9-5 job and she was in afterschool. When she was a baby/toddler she had me the whole day long. You definitely get more bang for your buck staying home the first three years if you're not planning on homeschooling.
post #22 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harmony08 View Post
Definitely, definitely the first three. It is all about attachment psychology. This is where you lay the foundation for who your child is and what your relationship is. Sure you can always mess it up later but it seems to me it is better to make the most of those first three years and do everything you can to make sure your kids have a healthy secure attachment that they can take with them for the rest of their lives.
agreed

Although I get the best of both worlds (I stayed home with ds for 6 months and then he's been coming to work with me ever since at the best multiage emergent/reggio inspired preschool you could ever imagine...not that i'm biased).
post #23 of 77
the first three. I can't stomach the idea of having to trust someone to care for my child when my child can't tell me something bad might be happening there.

My mom was a single mom. It was much harder being in daycare than being in school when she couldn't help out ever. I was sad she couldn't do field trips but I was old enough to understand and I had other things to take up my time.
post #24 of 77
definitely the first three for many reasons: daycare costs for one, bonding, i've stayed home with my ds and i see now that he is 4 that he could definitely handle being away from me,even the times he has been left with a sitter, he never cried etc. I worked at a daycare for many years and babies don't get all the attention they need, there are other babies and only so many teachers in each room. I also witnessed a lot of fighting and aggression starting very early, which i am lucky enough to say that my ds never got to experience, I am glad i didn't ever have to pick him up at 18 months old with bites marks on him, or him doing something aggressive toward another peer. I don't think he is socially inept for staying home at all, he goes to library time and plays with other boys afterwards, he plays with random kids at the park etc. Babies really don't need peer socialization. I do however remember being babysat, and put in daycare, and the in home daycare while i don't remember what happened, but my mom pulled me out of there quick because i was vomiting everyday, my mom thought one of the boys was picking on me, i really don't remember, i was probably 3, so she put me in a daycare center and it was better, but i was picked on there as well, but not quite as bad. Finally i was put in care of a neighbor and she was a great babysitter and then i started school. It was not fun at daycare, etc, but i know everyone has different experiences and not everyone can afford montessori or elite childcare, so that should also be kept in mind. While I did miss having my mom around in school age years, those earlier babysitter/daycare experiences had much more impact on me and were much more tramatic.
post #25 of 77
I think, now that I have a school-aged child, that it is pretty ideal when you can find a way for one parent to have a nontraditional schedule. I'm so grateful I've found that - my 'full time' job can be partly from home, so I can be there for afterschool time very often.

It is really tough I think for families of dd1's friends wen both parents don't get home until after 5.

So I agree that I would say home full time in the first year, then part time or somewhat flex time - I wish every parent had that! I hope many jobs will move that way with technology as it is (I know it isn't possible in some careers).

But for the OP, if finances are an issue, wouldn't daycare costs for baby/toddlers *always* cost more than whatever school costs when they are older?
post #26 of 77
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamabutterfly View Post
I think, now that I have a school-aged child, that it is pretty ideal when you can find a way for one parent to have a nontraditional schedule. I'm so grateful I've found that - my 'full time' job can be partly from home, so I can be there for afterschool time very often.

It is really tough I think for families of dd1's friends wen both parents don't get home until after 5.

So I agree that I would say home full time in the first year, then part time or somewhat flex time - I wish every parent had that! I hope many jobs will move that way with technology as it is (I know it isn't possible in some careers).

But for the OP, if finances are an issue, wouldn't daycare costs for baby/toddlers *always* cost more than whatever school costs when they are older?
Well neither daycare or school costs would cost more than what I bring in, if that makes sense. but the school costs would be there regardless. I think that's one thing that seems skewed in my mind though-- childcare is a fixed expense which dh mostly 'handles', whereas the school costs would be something that I would handle, so they seem exaggerated in my mind.
post #27 of 77
it so varies from child to child.
for my dd the first 3 years.

for her best friend - elementary school. where i would pick him up from school. so work parttime.
post #28 of 77
If I HAD to pick just three and had no other option (I plan to homeschool), I would definitely choose the first three. Without question.
post #29 of 77
First 3, no doubts.
post #30 of 77
How many of you "first three years" people have teens I wonder? I agree with happysmileylady about the teen years.
post #31 of 77
Real life situation: my mom was never a sahm. But IF she was a sahm during our teen years my sister most likely would not have gotten preg in high school, which has dramatically destroyed her adult like.
post #32 of 77
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeteaa View Post
Real life situation: my mom was never a sahm. But IF she was a sahm during our teen years my sister most likely would not have gotten preg in high school, which has dramatically destroyed her adult like.
ack! do you really think your mom could have stopped her?

I don't remember 'needing' my mom home during the day so much when I was a teen. That being said, my sis and brother are 4 and 8 years younger to me, so by the time I could drive I was doing afterschool care/pickup... so it wasn't like I was walking into an empty house, yk?
post #33 of 77
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
How many of you "first three years" people have teens I wonder? I agree with happysmileylady about the teen years.
I was wondering about this myself. The other people in my life who have said teen/middle school also are the only ones with teens themselves.
post #34 of 77
I had a SAHM during my teen years. This did not stop me from having sex (PCOS is probably the only reason I didn't get pregnant) I don't think my mom really could have curbed any of my behaviors had I chosen them (I was a good girl other than the sex with long term bf)

It was nice however to have someone who could drive me to practices and pick me up.
post #35 of 77
I was a first three years woman-and I had a stay at home mom my whole childhood and teen years. My mom being home did not stop me from making bad choices. However, I do think my mom leaving me with my dad when I was 1, and not having a mom until he remarried when I was 4, is a big reason I made the choices I did. Even though she came back.

So I stand by my first three years, given my experiences from my own childhood.
post #36 of 77
I think it depends on the needs of the family. I don't believe there is is any "ideal".

I just quit my job to stay home with my middle schooler. Would it have been nice to stay home sooner? Sure but it wasn't feasible and I never felt the real pressing need until recently. Plus we are now financially secure (somewhat, LOL) and he has two really wonderful adults in his life in addition to us. It is wonderful to see their relationship and I feel secure that he has other people in his life that he can trust and confide in. Some kids have grandparents, aunts/uncles etc to play that role but we don't.

What I am doing feels right for us but I can't say with any confidence that the middle school years are the "right three" for someone else.
post #37 of 77
My oldest is only 4, so take this for what it's worth...

If I was BFing, definitely the first year. I'm not able to pump and store easily (lipase issue).

I'd be tempted to say the second year as well because I really do not like leaving my pre-verbal children with other people.

Although I don't have any teenagers yet, I was a teenager (in the distance past ). And really, I didn't need my mom to be SAH. She mostly worked at night though, so maybe that's the difference.
post #38 of 77
Another vote for first three...

In reality I'm going to be staying home for six years it looks like. I'll go back full-time when my youngest is ready for kindergarten, started doing the SAHM when my oldest was born.

I may do some part-time starting around next fall, when my youngest is a year old. We'll see.
post #39 of 77
If i could'nt do the 1st 3, i would do 2-5 i think.
post #40 of 77
Do they need to be consecutive? I would do the first year, and then 12-14 (middle school years).
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