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Originally Posted by texmati
 I was wondering about this myself. The other people in my life who have said teen/middle school also are the only ones with teens themselves.
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Unless our ship comes in, I may not have the opportunity to SAH until I retire when DD2 is about 10-12, DD1 is about 18-19, and DS is about 16-17. DH is the SAHP and has been since 2004. (It was only supposed to be for 1 year and now it is 6 years later...)
The first three, hands down! Those are the years that your brain is developing, if certain things are not met in that time IT CAN NEVER BE FIXED!
Teen years. Period. And I have been through the first years as a stay at home.
You have to be home in the afternoon when they get home.
Teen years. Period. And I have been through the first years as a stay at home.
You have to be home in the afternoon when they get home.
Teen years. Period. And I have been through the first years as a stay at home.
You have to be home in the afternoon when they get home.
Sure! It is important to connect with a teenager when they walk in the door after school. Immediately after school, they are animated with the days events fresh on their mind. They haven't gone up to their rooms yet and started texting or doing homework - so they are 'yours' for those brief minutes while they are getting a snack.
That time has proved invaluable to me. They share minute details and silly stories. The fact that they are able 'to talk' to me means that later on, perhaps if something is bothering them, they are open to communicating with me.
My kids are 13, 15 and 16. I have two boys and a girl in the middle. All three are great students, social and active in sports. My son will be 17 soon, is driving, has a girlfriend and is ranked #2 in the state for Cross Country. My kids are college bound and honestly don't give me any trouble. My 15 year old daughter and I get along famously. No hormonal bullsnapple from her at all! I've heard horror stories from friends and folks about hormonal girls and eye rolling. It just hasn't been true with my dd. And the 13 year old is very social and still mom's buddy.
The time I spend with them in the afternoon has been hands down the most important time since they were born. I have been a stay at home mom since the oldest was born.
Also, teenagers need to be supervised!!!!
Teen years. Period. And I have been through the first years as a stay at home.
You have to be home in the afternoon when they get home.
Sure! It is important to connect with a teenager when they walk in the door after school. Immediately after school, they are animated with the days events fresh on their mind. They haven't gone up to their rooms yet and started texting or doing homework - so they are 'yours' for those brief minutes while they are getting a snack.
That time has proved invaluable to me. They share minute details and silly stories. The fact that they are able 'to talk' to me means that later on, perhaps if something is bothering them, they are open to communicating with me.
My kids are 13, 15 and 16. I have two boys and a girl in the middle. All three are great students, social and active in sports. My son will be 17 soon, is driving, has a girlfriend and is ranked #2 in the state for Cross Country. My kids are college bound and honestly don't me any trouble. My 15 year old daughter and I get along famously. No hormonal bullsnapple from her at all! I've heard horror stories from friends and folks about hormonal girls and eye rolling. It just hasn't true with my dd. And the 13 year old is very social and still mom's buddy.
The time I spend with them in the afternoon has been hands down the most important time since they were born. I have been a stay at home mom since the oldest was born.
Also, teenagers need to be supervised!!!!
Thank you for sharing this. You should be so proud and have really encouraged me to try to SAHM when my DD is older. She is nearly 8 now. :)I hear all the time that teens still need you when they are teens. I can see how your being there is priceless for them and you.
Sure! It is important to connect with a teenager when they walk in the door after school. Immediately after school, they are animated with the days events fresh on their mind. They haven't gone up to their rooms yet and started texting or doing homework - so they are 'yours' for those brief minutes while they are getting a snack.
That time has proved invaluable to me. They share minute details and silly stories. The fact that they are able 'to talk' to me means that later on, perhaps if something is bothering them, they are open to communicating with me.
My kids are 13, 15 and 16. I have two boys and a girl in the middle. All three are great students, social and active in sports. My son will be 17 soon, is driving, has a girlfriend and is ranked #2 in the state for Cross Country. My kids are college bound and honestly don't me any trouble. My 15 year old daughter and I get along famously. No hormonal bullsnapple from her at all! I've heard horror stories from friends and folks about hormonal girls and eye rolling. It just hasn't true with my dd. And the 13 year old is very social and still mom's buddy.
The time I spend with them in the afternoon has been hands down the most important time since they were born. I have been a stay at home mom since the oldest was born.
Also, teenagers need to be supervised!!!!
I have to say that I find this thread very interesting. My 11 year old DSD is arriving to live with us full time tomorrow, and I am so thankful to be home with my 9 month old son now because that enables me to be home with my stepdaughter. I anticipate her emotional needs will be great and I think my time with her now will prove to be invaluable. I don't want to imagine how it would be if I were working.
Thank you for sharing this. You should be so proud and have really encouraged me to try to SAHM when my DD is older. She is nearly 8 now. :)I hear all the time that teens still need you when they are teens. I can see how your being there is priceless for them and you.
Sure! It is important to connect with a teenager when they walk in the door after school. Immediately after school, they are animated with the days events fresh on their mind. They haven't gone up to their rooms yet and started texting or doing homework - so they are 'yours' for those brief minutes while they are getting a snack.
That time has proved invaluable to me. They share minute details and silly stories. The fact that they are able 'to talk' to me means that later on, perhaps if something is bothering them, they are open to communicating with me.
My kids are 13, 15 and 16. I have two boys and a girl in the middle. All three are great students, social and active in sports. My son will be 17 soon, is driving, has a girlfriend and is ranked #2 in the state for Cross Country. My kids are college bound and honestly don't me any trouble. My 15 year old daughter and I get along famously. No hormonal bullsnapple from her at all! I've heard horror stories from friends and folks about hormonal girls and eye rolling. It just hasn't true with my dd. And the 13 year old is very social and still mom's buddy.
The time I spend with them in the afternoon has been hands down the most important time since they were born. I have been a stay at home mom since the oldest was born.
Also, teenagers need to be supervised!!!!
Awww thanks! It is important to me to stay connected and important to them in whatever way they will accept. You are so sweet and I appreciate your take on it.
Good luck with your dd.
As an aside - I have a friend with a 16 year old daughter who is going through a tough time. The thing is, my friend is talking about it, getting opinions and venting a lot about what is going on. I tried to point out to her the other day that the fact that she is so consumed with this situation shows her willingness to parent her daughter the way her daughter needs to be parented. Does that make sense? I see the same sort of commitment from other parents on this thread. I love it! It is hard to parent teenagers, but the fact that we are all looking for input just shows our desire to do the right thing and grow happy, healthy kids.
i have been home off and on thru out the years with my kids. AP is much easier when you are home full time, BUT it is not impossible to do while working. you can still co-sleep, sling, use cloth diapers, breastfeed ect and work full or part time. my kids are 16,12,9,6, and 3 (i am also pregnant with #6) and i have to say that being her for my dd (16) is really important to her and me and being here with the boys at all their ages is important. they all need me for different reasons. i would say middle and high school are probably the most important. making sure i know their friends and i make a connection with them because right now their peers are much more meaningful to them then what i say and do if i am not here to say and do things. my dd and her friends like to come here and i know these kids and i feel comfortable with her hanging out with these people. (i homeschool all the other kids, she is the only one going to school) and i love being with my oldest son and getting to know him and be present as he grows into a young man. that is harder to do whe you are gone 8-12 hours a day and have to focus on homework and schedules... at least that is how i feel.
h
First year, because it's the only way to really get all the bonding and nursing without driving yourself to a frazzle.
Second year, because he-llooo separation anxiety.
For us, 24 months (start of year 3) marked the point where, for dd, I could see her being able to cope with a daycare environment. For some kids those years reverse and the 18 month old loves going off with others and then the 24 month old tries to become mommy's second skin.
Then I'd actually spread the 3rd year home out. Instead of taking a year off, work 3-4 years at 3 days a week.
I was a teen who never got into trouble, and I absolutely LOVED the days I'd come home from school and my mom and little brother were off somewhere else and I got the house to myself. Never did anything more exciting than making some food and reading a book or watching TV, but it was just soooo relaxing to have that time totally to myself.
I also went to school near my dad's office, so about half the time, I'd go there after school for a time.
There're all sorts of options.
How many people who are say "teen years" can say they truly remember the infant/toddler years and postpartum period 100%?
My point being that it's easy to look back at the distant time and say "oh thus and such would be so easy then."
Heck, I'm only two years away from it and I look back and think "yeah, you could totally take a few college courses online with a newborn, no problem!" When the reality is that I did that and it sucked. Really really really sucked.
Since babies are so random, I'd plan to be home and then change things up if it turns out you don't have a velcro baby and that you can pump milk out easily and quickly.
Because, really, a teen who can use the telephone and ride the bus and what have you, is going to give you a lot more options for meeting up with them to connect than a baby or toddler would. Teens are also generally pretty nocturnal, whereas a toddler (particularly one who got dropped off at daycare at 7:30am) might be dead tired and fast asleep before 8pm--barely enough time to do anything while you could chat with your teen all evening.
A teen is more likely to be safe asleep in the house while you work a night shift, a teen is less likely to be sick and need to miss school and keep you from going to work--and if they are mildly sick (the sort of sick where you couldn't send a baby to daycare) you would have the option to leave them at home while you go in for a few hours.
By the time you get to the teen years, maybe your dh's job will allow him to WAH. Maybe your field will allow flex time, telecommuting, who knows.
Or the horse could sing, as it were.
i am not sure i understand the question? i can't remember two weeks ago 100% so what does that have to do with anything. my dd who is a teen has alot of people she knows who are in serious trouble and doing some pretty nutty stuff, i would say that the teen years are JUST as important as the first three years. maybe in a way alot more. BUT like i said i have 5 kids (one more on the way) and i have been blessed to be home alot thru the years. i can't honestly say which three years is most important because i have found that each stage has issues that need a parent there to help the kid get thru. and each child is different. so maybe one kid does best with you home the first three years and another could have used you at ages 6-9 or 10-13 or 15-18 or 2-5 who is to say. it isn't like you can just stop parenting because they reach some magic age.
you have to do what works best for your family and then keep doing what works best.
h
How many people who are say "teen years" can say they truly remember the infant/toddler years and postpartum period 100%?
Oh gosh I do! One of the absolute happiest times of my mothering career was nursing my sweet precious 8 month old daughter. I can still feel her fat little leg thrown over my side as we lay in bed together nursing. I wrapped my arm around her and she wrapped her leg over me and we were literally one person. So precious. She is 15 now. As a matter of fact, I had my third child largely in part because I wanted to go through labor and delivery again....
Know what I remember from my 'teenage' years? My oldest son kicking holes in walls and throwing sh!t around my house.
I also remember a lady telling me how much harder teenagers were. This is when I had three toddlers practically all in diapers. I looked at that woman like she had three heads. She was right. For me and my experiences at least.
I think the question we need to be asking is how much our kids remember. My kids have barely any memories of my sitting in the floor and playing with them when they were 3 and 4. They will remember my being there for the them now.
And to you comment about getting quiet time at home alone. I agree with you 100%. Life is about a balance and I make sure my teenagers get that autonomy and balance. It is obvious when a teenager wants to be alone!!!!
Like!
i am not sure i understand the question? i can't remember two weeks ago 100% so what does that have to do with anything. my dd who is a teen has alot of people she knows who are in serious trouble and doing some pretty nutty stuff, i would say that the teen years are JUST as important as the first three years. maybe in a way alot more. BUT like i said i have 5 kids (one more on the way) and i have been blessed to be home alot thru the years. i can't honestly say which three years is most important because i have found that each stage has issues that need a parent there to help the kid get thru. and each child is different. so maybe one kid does best with you home the first three years and another could have used you at ages 6-9 or 10-13 or 15-18 or 2-5 who is to say. it isn't like you can just stop parenting because they reach some magic age.
you have to do what works best for your family and then keep doing what works best.
h
Where I would ask this question, is in the forum for the WOHMs. And I'd ask "what three years were the hardest to be away from your kids?" Not which years are most important to be home, but which will give you the least stress and thus the most chance to optimize your time home.
I hope that everyone who is saying to save up those three years for the teen years where they might or might not be needed were working outside the home themselves during all the previous years for their kids.
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