My six year old drew on the furniture

[Adasmommy]

I know that's not an impressive or unusual headline, but I'm trying so hard not to get mad and it's so upsetting to me that she has done this (again) when she knows not to. What the hell?!

How to respond? I could just have her clean it and i'd feel much better, but so far we haven't figured out how to get it off. I'm so tempted to say, "Well, I guess I'm not reading to you or taking you anywhere fun today," but I know I'm just being spiteful so I won't do it.

And yes, I really need her to not draw on the furniture. She's welcome to draw on her own furniture and she has paper she can draw on anytime.

Can I at least get a cyber hug from another mama?

[nextcommercial]

What did she draw on? And what did she use?

Yes, she knows she's not supposed to draw on it. I hate it when they do that. I remember doing it when I was kind of mad at my parents for something. I actually did it a few times, and I even cut the fringe off of the basement rug.

All out of spite.

My daughter carved her name into her dresser when she was mad at me for something.

But, her non spiteful acts of artwork were all done on her own furniture, and usually involved stickers (stickers are hard to get off) Or nail polish. SHe was older than your daughter too... so, I can't say it's just a six year old thing to do.

Obviously, I don't have any advice. I don't excuse her behavior, because I know she knows better... but it seems to be one of those things we don't always control. We just have the urge to deface property, and then we do it.

[Petie1104]

I know how frustrating that is. The movers keep commenting about ds's artwork all over the refrigerator, cabinets, and freezer. It's all in permanent marker and there is no way to hide it. So I do know the feeling.

[AFWife]

Is it something she can clean up? Or at least attempt to clean? If you haven't already decided on a consequence that would be my first one.

Stupid questions: Have you told her she can't do it? Did she *know* it was wrong? Has she done it before? What happened then?

IMO You need to set up a specific consequence for the behavior. Or series of consequences. Like, first you'll clean it up and then we won't do X for the rest of the day.

[mamazee]

What kind of furniture and what did she draw with? Marker on the couch seems worse than crayon on a table, or at least less reversable. I know it's frustrating regardless.

She might just need greater supervision around writing things. Like keep them up and get them down for her when she wants to draw, and then put them up again when she's done. Most 6 year olds probably have enough impulse control to not write on things, but some might not have developed that impulse control yet. We have to do this because we also have a toddler, and my older dd will accidentally keep stuff out and then the little one will scribble on stuff. I don't use it as a punishment so I get it down every time she wants to use them, it's just damage control really.

My dd at 7, when our second was born, went through a phase of this, almost like she was marking her territory. Is there anything going on where your dd might have some urge of that nature?

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by Adasmommy

I know that's not an impressive or unusual headline, but I'm trying so hard not to get mad and it's so upsetting to me that she has done this (again) when she knows not to. What the hell?!

How to respond? I could just have her clean it and i'd feel much better, but so far we haven't figured out how to get it off. I'm so tempted to say, "Well, I guess I'm not reading to you or taking you anywhere fun today," but I know I'm just being spiteful so I won't do it.

And yes, I really need her to not draw on the furniture. She's welcome to draw on her own furniture and she has paper she can draw on anytime.

Can I at least get a cyber hug from another mama?

(((HUGS)))

I do think it is ok to sometimes say, "DC, I am very disappointed in you. You showed no respect to me or our things." I do think it is ok to tell our children, when I am less angry and able to emotionally deal then we will read and do XYZ, right now I just need to chill and manage my anger. It is ok to let them know that you know the couch is just a thing and the child is more important but actions can some times hurt our feelings.

Since your child is 6, I would also get her favorite possession and ask her to think about how you she would feel if someone drew on it or treated it disrespectfully.

I also think her behavior says she is not responsible enough to have writing/coloring utensils unsupervised. I would not give her free riegn for a little while.

[Adasmommy]

Thanks for all the replies. Just the "I feel you" posts made me feel worlds better. And, of course, time has passed.

She drew with ballpoint pen on a white bookshelf in the living room. She definitely knows not to, but unfortunately my responses in the past have varied wildly depending on my temper at the moment. AFWife, I think you're right that consistency would help her predict what's acceptable and what's NOT. I don't really want to do a punishment or inflict a consequence though. Hopefully I can resolve the issue by addressing her or I emotionally appropriately, and not giving her responsibility she obviously isn't willing or able to take!

BTW, I don't *think* she's doing it out of spite. She seems to just not think about it.

I think it's very good advice to find something specific of hers and ask how she'd feel if I drew on it and we couldn't clean it. I already know it'll be her fairy doll. What a great way to put it in perspective. Thanks, Marsupialmom.

I told her we were going to collect up every pen, marker, crayon, etc and put them out of her reach and then she could use them when I was available to supervise her. I don't know if I'll stick to this or not. I was still angry when I did it, so we'll see if it seems appropriate later. She is such an artist, draws constantly (usually on paper), and it is a major and constant activity of hers which I do not want to discourage. Then again, maybe after a few days of only supervised drawing, we can have a trial of letting her be in control of the supplies again and see how it goes. This plan is growing on me.

I'm pregnant and emotional and trying to sell or rent our house which adds to the stress and to the fact that I don't want our furniture and walls and floor drawn on! But loving my daughter comes before all that, so I'll try to keep my tenuous hold on perspective. Thanks for helping me do that!

[texmati]

s, and have you tried hairspray? I had good luck getting pen ink out of a shirt with that.

[ErinYay]

Mr Clean Magic Erasers are a godsend! They're basically a really, really fine-grit sandpaper and work outstandingly well on getting all sorts of indelible marks off all sorts of surfaces.

I feel like they should pay me, I shill these darn things so frequently, but they really do work. (The knock-offs work well, too, but I've found they don't hold up as well.)

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by Adasmommy

She drew with ballpoint pen on a white bookshelf in the living room. !

toothpaste (NOT gel)

[EdnaMarie]

(((hugs)))

My three-year-old does that. She loses her writing utensils for a week. Luckily that stopped it for awhile.

[Marsupialmom]

I think you have to remember this is a case of impulse control. Six year olds are just not known for that.

[ChetMC]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

I think you have to remember this is a case of impulse control. Six year olds are just not known for that.

I agree.

Our oldest has a massive problem with "autographing" and "decorating" inappropriate stuff. Even my dad has watched her, and commented that she can't help it. It's like she doesn't even realise what she's doing she's so caught up in doodling.

Be sure before you ask your DD how she'd feel about you writing on her doll or one of her favourite toys. Our girls have been very keen to colour beloved toys with highlighters to make their hair pink, put "makeup" on their faces, etc. When I asked how they would feel if I drew on their stuff our second DD just requested that I use pink or purple since those were her favourite colours.

[Brittee]

Rubbing alcohol works really well for getting sharpie off of hard surfaces.

[BunnySlippers]

My dd does this. With markers, pens, pencils, stickers, objects that she uses to carve into wood. I really hope this takes her somewhere, then I can look back and say it wasn't for nothing
She has been doing it since she was 2ish and is now 8. My bedside table has math equations, my matress has a few words and a pretty picture, the TV stand has a girl and my initials carved into it, she drew in pen and pencil on my mothers painting (the kind you buy and hang on the wall), she carved a girl into the wood at the barn, she painted (in mud) HUGE pictures, smears and splats on the brand new WHITE walls of a riding arena. The list is endless...some of it comes off, most of it does not.

I used to get frustrated, then I put all the things she could possibly draw with away(I think she was around 4). Then I decided I did not want to stiffle her creativity, so I gave them back.

[Ornery]

If my six year old did that repeatedly, it would definitely lead to a natural consequence of having all of the drawing utensils being put up and her only being able to use them when supervised.

We have this problem with stickers. For some reason, most stickers just will not come off of our super old wood floor. Once we figured that out, it was made very clear to all of the children and adults that stickers were only to go on paper or other sticker appropriate surfaces. My dd had a hard time with that as she really wanted to decorate the house with stickers so the stickers became an item that only came out when we were all working at the table so that I could supervise her. After a couple of weeks, we reintroduced them into the craft box and we haven't had that problem again.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by Adasmommy

I'm pregnant and emotional and trying to sell or rent our house which adds to the stress and to the fact that I don't want our furniture and walls and floor drawn on! But loving my daughter comes before all that, so I'll try to keep my tenuous hold on perspective. Thanks for helping me do that!

I probably have a different perspective on this based on our experience. We had a two year period where me moved four times. When we finally bought our current house, my son (age 3 at that time) took my brick red lipstick and drew a dragon on the cream living room wall. As you can imagine, I was VERY upset about that.

We talked about it and it turned out that he wanted to be sure that we were staying put, and to make this house his. Like an animal marking its territory, drawing on the wall helped him to feel more comfortable. What I did was to establish one wall in his room for him to draw on and he did so that weekend, and hasn't since.

Is it possible for you to let her draw on one piece of furniture that you can easily cover with a tablecloth when showing the house?

[Learning_Mum]

A scouring pad and cream cleanser gets rid of almost anything.

[vivvysue]

my only cure for this was to get my hands on an older 23 cubic foot freezer that thankfully fit in my kitchen... and as a side point it was an awesome addition in the way of counter space, lol. anyhow, i painted the front of it with chalk board paint in black. i made sure that the lines were level and plumb and that it looked balanced. it turned out to be the coolest thing ever. i used it to teach the large motor skills demonstrated in the books i had for home-schooling and the techniques for that. i decorated it seasonally and every kid that came into my house fell in love with it immediately. it stopped all the furniture/wall/inappropriate drawing and writing, and also they felt free to write their feelings down, such as i think mommy is mean or what have you and then the ability to erase it without it being there so ... especially for some children so permanently... when it was a temporary emotion/thought/feeling or idea.

another solution which i thought was brilliant and creative was my oldest sister. she is a mother to three sons and when they were little i understood why child raising books has sections dedicated especially to these women. rather than fight them on it she let her kids loose as high as they could reach with sidewalk chalk and any other manner of chalk they sell, except those chalk markers... the chalk washed off walls in a jiff, got them to stop writing or drawing on furniture because they had a place that they were permitted to draw and express themselves that was rather or sort of "against the rules" when company showed up unexpectedly she could have the entrance way, stairwell and the area around the table where they might sit to have coffee wiped clean by either her or her dh in a minute. they could easily catch the hallway and the bath room quite unobtrusively also while checking the children. it worked for her and i would have gone the route had i not fell in love with my freezer and it's magnetic attributes,

~hth~

fwiw/ i wouldnt have any piece of furniture that they were allowed to write on as a concession, unless the plan was to lacquer over later as a keepsake. to me it is sort of like a small enabling of them in activities that are against the rules... i would rather look for a way to find a compromise to the rules, than allow them to be broken even a tiny bit. i think it really breeds strength and understanding in the decision making process, and the base for understanding and putting to use strategies that find solutions which make everyone feel that they have been heard and understood and lastly i think it makes children all the more likely to follow rules when their desires/needs/misdeeds/W.H.Y. are a large and truly important taken seriously and that when they have involvment in the solution process it is very empowering.

sorry to run on,

cheers vs

[EarthMamaToBe]

rubbing alcohol works well on ball point pen.