Hi everyone. I apologize if I'm somewhat cryptic in this message. I've had to change some details for privacy reasons, although I am certain that this screen name is unknown to any of the involved parties. Please feel free to PM me if you want/need further details. Thanks.
Approx. a decade ago, my H and I separated (physically, not legally). He moved, taking our young daughter with him to live with her paternal grandparents. At the time, I felt this was the best thing as I trusted her grandparents and did not feel that I was in a position to be a single mother. I was very young, had no job prospects, and frankly, was overwhelmed. I greatly regret this choice now but at the time I felt it was best.
I saw my daughter twice since the separation. She seemed to be a perfectly normal, healthy child when I saw her. However, my H left his family to move in with a girlfriend about a year after we separated. The two of them moved to a certain state, and I moved there as well to facilitate visitation. Once I moved, I was able to see her once -- for about a week. At the next time I requested visitation, he agreed, but canceled it at the last moment, supposedly because of medical concerns. I have reason to believe the medical problem was false and he did not want me to see her for some other reason.
Not long afterwards, he left the state without giving contact information.
I attempted to file for divorce when we first separated but it proved impossible (or at least I couldn't figure out how to do it) because of the laws in the state I resided in, which required both parents to attend classes and he was thousands of miles away and unable or unwilling to attend. (Remember, I was very young and had no legal representation.)
During this time I have heard very little regarding my daughter. I have tried to deal with this, mostly by forcing myself not to think about it. Occasionally, I have received communication from the girlfriend. At one point she wanted to facilitate us getting a divorce but wanted to adopt my daughter immediately afterwards. I thought at the time this might be the best choice (I thought she was in a good living situation). Although I sent in all of the paperwork she asked for (divorce related, nothing to do with adoption), H never filed for divorce and now I am very, very glad this did not go through.
My daughter is now a teenager. I have recently found out where she lives and I have not been able to go see her in person (it's a long distance, I am quite poor and cannot afford to do so). However, I recently found out that my parents DID see her and have some concerns about what they saw.
Furthermore, I have come across some information that leads me to believe that my daughter is not in a good living situation. I do not know if she is abused. I am quite certain that she is ... medically abused, for lack of a better term. There are also some other concerns.
I managed to speak (via Internet) with the girlfriend today, who has been very evasive about providing direct contact information for my daughter. After a while, she asked my H to speak to me (something I prefer to avoid entirely but in this case it was necessary).
H spun a line of BS very typical for him... don't want to go into much detail but once I put the pressure on, he claimed he was going to "arrange something" but honestly it sounded more like he was buying time to try to get a lawyer. And he claims he will "discuss" with my daughter whether or not she wants to speak to me (which I already know she does, based on what she said to my parents during their visit)... but I think that's a cop-out so he claim that she doesn't want to talk to me.
I tried to get ahold of legal aid today with no luck. Will continue trying, of course. If there's a huge waiting list for legal aid or something, what other recourse do I have?
Should I call the police department in the town they live in and request a welfare check?
Should I call CPS? (PM me if you want details as to why I think this may be appropriate)
Should I go down to where they live (1,000 mile drive) and see if the police will require him to relinquish her to me for a visit of 1-2 weeks?
And if she wants to stay with me instead of going back to her father's house, should I keep her?
Bear in mind that we are still married and so I think I have just as much right to her as he does. I could be wrong. I don't know, I'm confused and upset, and I miss my daughter terribly.
--K
Approx. a decade ago, my H and I separated (physically, not legally). He moved, taking our young daughter with him to live with her paternal grandparents. At the time, I felt this was the best thing as I trusted her grandparents and did not feel that I was in a position to be a single mother. I was very young, had no job prospects, and frankly, was overwhelmed. I greatly regret this choice now but at the time I felt it was best.
I saw my daughter twice since the separation. She seemed to be a perfectly normal, healthy child when I saw her. However, my H left his family to move in with a girlfriend about a year after we separated. The two of them moved to a certain state, and I moved there as well to facilitate visitation. Once I moved, I was able to see her once -- for about a week. At the next time I requested visitation, he agreed, but canceled it at the last moment, supposedly because of medical concerns. I have reason to believe the medical problem was false and he did not want me to see her for some other reason.
Not long afterwards, he left the state without giving contact information.
I attempted to file for divorce when we first separated but it proved impossible (or at least I couldn't figure out how to do it) because of the laws in the state I resided in, which required both parents to attend classes and he was thousands of miles away and unable or unwilling to attend. (Remember, I was very young and had no legal representation.)
During this time I have heard very little regarding my daughter. I have tried to deal with this, mostly by forcing myself not to think about it. Occasionally, I have received communication from the girlfriend. At one point she wanted to facilitate us getting a divorce but wanted to adopt my daughter immediately afterwards. I thought at the time this might be the best choice (I thought she was in a good living situation). Although I sent in all of the paperwork she asked for (divorce related, nothing to do with adoption), H never filed for divorce and now I am very, very glad this did not go through.
My daughter is now a teenager. I have recently found out where she lives and I have not been able to go see her in person (it's a long distance, I am quite poor and cannot afford to do so). However, I recently found out that my parents DID see her and have some concerns about what they saw.
Furthermore, I have come across some information that leads me to believe that my daughter is not in a good living situation. I do not know if she is abused. I am quite certain that she is ... medically abused, for lack of a better term. There are also some other concerns.
I managed to speak (via Internet) with the girlfriend today, who has been very evasive about providing direct contact information for my daughter. After a while, she asked my H to speak to me (something I prefer to avoid entirely but in this case it was necessary).
H spun a line of BS very typical for him... don't want to go into much detail but once I put the pressure on, he claimed he was going to "arrange something" but honestly it sounded more like he was buying time to try to get a lawyer. And he claims he will "discuss" with my daughter whether or not she wants to speak to me (which I already know she does, based on what she said to my parents during their visit)... but I think that's a cop-out so he claim that she doesn't want to talk to me.
I tried to get ahold of legal aid today with no luck. Will continue trying, of course. If there's a huge waiting list for legal aid or something, what other recourse do I have?
Should I call the police department in the town they live in and request a welfare check?
Should I call CPS? (PM me if you want details as to why I think this may be appropriate)
Should I go down to where they live (1,000 mile drive) and see if the police will require him to relinquish her to me for a visit of 1-2 weeks?
And if she wants to stay with me instead of going back to her father's house, should I keep her?
Bear in mind that we are still married and so I think I have just as much right to her as he does. I could be wrong. I don't know, I'm confused and upset, and I miss my daughter terribly.
--K
I think I totally forgot to reply to your PM (pregnancy brain!) so I'll try to do that later when I'm not feeling like clockwork oranging my eyes open, if you kwim...
You will be in my thoughts.
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