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Tell me what is good about having twins

post #1 of 44
Thread Starter 
I feel bad even expressing this, because I know I should just be grateful for my double blessing when so many have none (I am!) and I'm scared to say it because I DO love them already, both of them, and I would be devastated if something happened at they didn't make it to viability and I don't wanna jinx myself, yk? But, I think it would help me to hear from those who've btdt and seen the bright spots.

Here goes...
I've never been one of those mamas who pined after twins. I know lots of them, I'm just not one of them. In fact (or maybe due to?), I had a nanny job once for infant twins and I hated it. I thought "sure glad I'll never have twins" The Universe works in funny ways. It seemed like all the fun of having a baby was taken away because one of them always needed something and I was always having to leave the happy one for the crying one (or leave the one crying the softest). (and they weren't particularly high needs babes, either) Their mama was miserable, their dad never around.
The only twin moms I've known IRL who have seemed happy the first year have been ones who could afford to hire a nanny- which is impossible for our family.

I'm having a really hard time seeing what is good and joyful about having twins, beyond the fact that they look super cute in pictures

I don't think it helps that all 15weeks and 5days of my pg so far have been living hell, after two joyful easy singleton pgs. I have hyperemesis and still feel like death warmed over and literally can't get out of bed somedays.

I've had to give up the homebirth I wanted so badly. There's only one unlicensed MW who attends twins in my state and she won't do a breech, and while I realize I may get lucky w/ two vertex babes, I might not and we honestly *really* can't afford a transfer or shadow care (she doesn't refund much if you transfer at the end for position) So that leaves me seeing MFM bc vaginal breech births are VERY hard to come by in my state, and my best chance is thru MFM. The birth issue is sort of a separate issue, tho, bc I know it is only one moment in time...

We recently went public with the 'pg w/ twins'. I can't BELIEVE how negative people are- even perfect strangers and even people who "love" twins! I'm sure those who've btdt can...
"oh, kiss sleep goodbye now"
"have fun on bedrest"
"...two carseats, two sets of diapers, two insert baby item here..."
"think of the minivan you'll have to get"
"you'll be begging to go back to work before they are even sitting up"
"you'll LOVE Babywise with twins"


it is CERTAINLY not like I haven't thought/worried about ALL these things. I worry all the time.. how are we going to afford this? how is our marriage going to survive? how are my other kids going to adapt? what if they are born very prematurely? etc..
I know we'll get through it. Moms do it all the time. But, that's the thing. I didn't want to just "get through" my last baby year. I wanted it to be joyful.

So, help me, moms of multiples- what do you LOVE about parenting twins? What is particularly good? I'd especially love to hear about joys and happiness in the first year of life.
Any words of wisdom?
post #2 of 44
I also never wanted twins. I never wanted 4 kids. I had a miserable pregnancy after two fine singletons. My home birth went out the window. BUT

Just yesterday I was thinking to myself.. How would I do this if I had 4 singletons? "This" being attend all of today's halloween parties at school. It works out perfectly, 3 parties back to back to back. If the two little ones weren't in the same grade I'd have to miss one, or at least be late/leave early to fit them all in. Rather lame, but it is a positive!

Also, my 3 year olds don't have friends their own ages. They always have someone to play with- each other, and they have the older kids' friends to play with. But I've never endured a play date with another kids' mom like I did with my older kids. Again rather lame but still.

So, I'll let someone else give the positives to having two infants, since I never really discovered it. But I did survive with my brain mostly intact and my little girls are pretty interesting little people due in part to having each other.

I think it is good for you to talk about how you really feel. Congratulations, condolences and wishes for peace.
post #3 of 44
My twins are complete opposites in every way. They rarely acknowledge the other one exists (except for when my dd is pulling ds's hair or taking things away from him), so it's really great to see them playing together or snuggling up together when they're asleep. When things are going all crazy, I try to remember how cute they are those few times when they're together.
post #4 of 44
My sons adore each other (or at least thus far). They are in day care and are exposed to other children all day but seem to prefer each other.

The biggest benefit to me is the warmth and outpouring of support we've gotten from other twin parents. I can't tell you how much that has done for our emotional support. I am in a twins club but mostly it is the average person in my day to day life who has reached out to us to tell us about their twins, how we will survive, what to expect, etc... and to offer helpful suggestions.

Some people like all the twin attention; it is a blessing and a curse.

My twins are just plain fun. We laugh at them all the time.

I don't have to have a multi-age house, my guys do things at the same time.

Also from a male perspective-my husband feels that our male twins are less likely to be bullied because there are two of them and they have a united show of force.

Hope this helps,

Mommy to Franklin & Callan
post #5 of 44
What's great about it:

Watching them sleep all cuddled together.
Rocking them as one sleeps on each shoulder.
Seeing them "notice" eachother for the first time and their faces light up.
Double the baby slobber kisses.
Watching old ladies in town ohh and ahh over them and have somebody recall their twin - It makes their day

I could go on but the twinnies need me
post #6 of 44
post #7 of 44
i made a post similar to this in the fertility friend forums...got a lot of nice replies...i am also wondering/worrying about my capacity to stay happy/healthy/supportive when the twins arrive...

im already stretched thin w/ the three i have and sometimes i feel like i cant even manage them...

i guess it is like anything else...you just expand and advance.
post #8 of 44
One of my sis's fave twin experiences was seeing them hold hands while nursing simultaneously.
post #9 of 44
All the negatives are valid and all are true at different times. But they are certainly not the whole of the story. I'm not feeling very wordy this morning, so I'll just show you a few of the things I love these days about having twins...








They fight like nothing I've ever seen in my life, but they are also closer to each other than any other human beings I have ever met, and their forgiveness of each others' transgressions is instant and complete. Every day is an adventure and provides new insight into the entire range of emotions in human relationships. I cannot imagine missing this experience.

I guess was feeling a little wordy.
post #10 of 44
I understand what you mean about not wanting twins. I wasn't even sure I was ready for parenthood-- that was husband's idea! He said that if we were going to start trying, perhaps we should soon. I said, eh, probably right. Immediately pregnant with twins.

The joys are so many. They are really fun to watch, and be around. They approach everything differently. I'm in the process of teaching them to read, and one is a sight words kid, the other sounds it out. It is really neat, being able to watch two very different people navigate similar circumstances, and see who does things which way.

Twinfancy can be challenging, but it's fleeting.
post #11 of 44
I am really enjoying being a MOM. I always knew that I was going to have twins (all genetics, we were "doomed" from the beginning ). They are what I like to call frienemies - best friends, worst enemies. They love each other to peices, but have no gumption about going after each other for something that they want. The first year was really hard, but it was also very rewarding. Two little babies smiling up at you while nursing, two little people to watch develop and grow at the same time, it was awesome. Now they are in preschool together and it is such a joy to watch them both develop and mature in different ways. My DH is a twin, so he understands their close relationship, but I have never seen anything like it. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
post #12 of 44
Sometimes it' been the most challenging thing ever, but other times I'm bowled over by how incredibly lucky I am to have twins. Here are a few moments/observations over the last 2 years since having my B/G twins:

* they cuddled together as newborns for comfort
* when nursing as tiny infants, they would stare at each other and sometime stroke each others' face or foreheads
* they used to hold hands when nursing when they were little
* they got so excited when we went from a DNG stroller to a side by side, and they would reach over and touch each other a lot
* when they were really little I'd put them in the Moby wrap and they'd turn towards each other, press their foreheads together, and go right to sleep.
* there is NOTHING more amazing than the love among you when you are hugging your twins! Triple the love of a singleton, because they love each other too.
* when they played as infants, sitting up, they wanted to face each other and would babble back and forth
* they made little noises to each other in their sleep
* when they got mobile, they'd always be just a few feet from each other. Doing different things, but always close by.
* as toddlers, they always have someone to play with that is interested in the same things
* it is adorable to see them play peekaboo together--and saves me from having to do it constantly!
* when one learns a new word, the other one starts saying it too--great for vocabulary development
* when one cries, the other gets upset and goes to comfort them, so sweet
* they learn empathy more easily because of their bond
* they learn a lot of social skills and patience at a younger age
* if one of them is missing their lovey, the other one joins in on the hunt so they find it with teamwork!
* they learn about sharing early--I can give 2 snacks or drinks to one of them and they automatically know that one is for their twin
* it's adorable to see them play something together, like wrestling, tickling, or hiding under a blanket.
* hearing them make each other giggle is one of the best things in the world
* seeing them hug and kiss each other makes me emotional, it's pure sweetness
* they love feeding each other their food, which is cute
* they like to copy each other, which can be really funny
* when they're having a rough time going to sleep and we take them into separate rooms, just before they start to fall asleep they start asking for the other one

I'm sure I'm missing a bunch, but those are all special twin things that make me happy.
post #13 of 44
well my babies are only two weeks old, and i was absolutely terrified of having twins but i can tell you i LOVE it so far

it is amazing to look down at these two sets of sweet eyes staring back up at you as they nurse.

they snuggle closer to eachother already

i feel like super mom (in a good way) when i care for them

my older daughter ADORES them
post #14 of 44
the first year was definitely really hard. but when i look back, i am just so incredibly PROUD of myself that i did it. like, i can't even believe that i did it. i'm so proud that i nursed them for 15 months. and when i see them running around, accomplishing a new feat, whatever, i sometimes think back to that crazy first year and think wow... look what a great job i did. i have these two amazingly sweet toddlers, so incredibly different from each other in appearance and demeanor... turning into such fine little kids... because, despite the exhaustion, i somehow have always found it within me to nurture them in a really special way.

and while other people are complaining about the toddler years, i am LOVING them so far! the first year was so tough for me (i bet it wouldn't have been as hard if i knew how to take care of one baby period - they were my first and i had NO IDEA what i was doing!) that since they turned 1, life has just been getting so much easier. they run around, hang out, play with their toys, sleep well at night, eat food well at their little table, etc... it's not like attending to two tiny babies. it's FUN now! and endlessly fascinating to watch how two people who have done pretty much everything together from birth can be so different. what a trip!

two babies - hard. no matter how you slice it. but nothing that's really truly worth it in life comes for nothing. you reap what you sow. twins are such a blessing. and believe me, i was so not the kind of person who wanted twins from the get-go. if i would have had a singleton, it's very very possible that i wouldn't really care to try for more. but i am just so over-the-moon in love with these guys it's not even funny. and i'm so grateful for the experience of being a mom to twins... it has made me learn and grow in ways that i never even thought about. really wild stuff!
post #15 of 44
Well, I've never had twins, but I am a twin and we were #4 & 5, with 3 yr, 4 yr, and 6yr old siblings. Despite that, my mom said she would have had more children if she could have guaranteed twins! She thinks everyone should be so lucky to get twins, and my dad's sister agrees (also had twins then a singleton 13 months later, plus an 8 yr old, all boys). So, there must be something really great about us, right?
post #16 of 44
Betsy - I remember asking this question a couple of years ago and you linked THE most adorable picture of your toddler girls on a road holding hands. My twins are now 2 and doing cute things like that and yours are still adorable

I have found twins soooooooooo difficult; psycholgically more than anything. The whole surrender to what may be and going with the flow....but it is incredible. It's like most of the time it's hard work, but the intensity of the joyful moments just outweighs everything and I feel so prostrate (with a mix of humbleness, awe, joy, gratitude.......)
post #17 of 44
Thread Starter 
oh, mamas, you have no idea how much joy and excitement I've found from this thread.
The twin-pg hormones made me get all teary at some of your responses.
Ogirliemama, your girls are BEAUTIFUL- thank you for sharing.

Now, when I find myself obsessing over the image of trying to walk the halls with two screaming newbies, I'm going to replace the image with two cuddling newbies. ah. so much better
post #18 of 44
Well, my twins are just 5 months old, and it is still pretty tough. I can't wait until they can just sit up! But I am so happy to have them. They are both so amazing, and I really enjoy (mostly) the comments that I get about having twins. I also have a 2yo dd and I think it will be great having 3 girls so close in age. And I have to say, giving birth two two babies was an amazing thing. I did have pain relief, so it might have been a different story otherwise, but to have a baby and then have ANOTHER baby, was so cool! I am still kind of astounded by the whole situation.
It is hard--get all the help you can even if you hate the thought of that. But it is also such a special thing.
post #19 of 44
For me the best thing about having twins was actually HAVING them. This was my second twin pregnancy, but I lost one of my daughters in the first one. Parenting twins, while surely a challenge, is nothing compared to parenting one while grieving another.

Watching my girls interact, hold each other's hands, light up when they see each other, and just want to BE together has been incredible.
post #20 of 44
I had never wanted twins. In fact, I was the one to say, "I would never wish twins on anyone. But if happened to me I guess I'd deal with it."

And it's been wonderful! Yes, hard work, but wonderful. Now that they are approaching 3.5, I love watching them work/play/fight/love each other.
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