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Tell me what is good about having twins - Page 2

post #21 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by OGirlieMama View Post
All the negatives are valid and all are true at different times. But they are certainly not the whole of the story. I'm not feeling very wordy this morning, so I'll just show you a few of the things I love these days about having twins...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4692240208/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/5121822357/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4981456296/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4997100392/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4867039289/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4855285381/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4836335770/

They fight like nothing I've ever seen in my life, but they are also closer to each other than any other human beings I have ever met, and their forgiveness of each others' transgressions is instant and complete. Every day is an adventure and provides new insight into the entire range of emotions in human relationships. I cannot imagine missing this experience.

I guess was feeling a little wordy.
Your babies are gorgeous. Just had to tell you, but I'm sure you knew it already.
post #22 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molliejo View Post
Your babies are gorgeous. Just had to tell you, but I'm sure you knew it already.
Aww, thank you! You are so sweet to say so. I do think they are beautiful, but I am pretty sure I'm ridiculously biased in that department!
post #23 of 44
I never thought of myself as someone who wanted or could handle twins, but my twins are 16 years old now and are absolutely amazing. They are extremely close & I feel so lucky to have them in my life. It's very true that the days are long but the years are short.
post #24 of 44
All the circumstances surrounding my twins should lead to the conclusion that raising them was SO much harder than raising my current singleton (or my step-son, who lives with us, for that matter). When I had the twins, I was young (early twenties), unmarried and they were extremely premature, so I had a year of carting around oxygen tanks and apnea monitors, in addition to two babies. Whereas, with my 2nd pregnancy, I was married, everything went smoothly, he's healthy...and there's only one of him!

But, MANY times I've found myself wishing things were as "easy" or "nice" as they were, with the twins!

* Twins always have a playmate their own age. I know people say this so often, it can sound trite and you tend to blow it off. But don't. My 11-year-old step-son (who was essentially an only child, until he moved in with us 3 years ago) and my almost-3-year-old are more demanding of my time/attention and have a harder time entertaining themselves than the (15-year-old) twins ever did. It's hard for me to recall a time the twins complained of being bored. Sure, it was hard keeping up with housework, as a single mom with twins. But it is actually harder, with one toddler who is always bored (translate: restless and destructive), if I don't do all of his activities with him. With the twins, I could get out play dough, or help them build a Lego village, then let them play with it together for a reasonably long time, while I snuck in some work.

* Twins come into the world knowing how to share. I am astounded by the process of teaching my toddler - and even, to be honest, my step-son - how to do this! Is it possible that I - who was always praised for having such sweet, agreeable children - also produced this typically self-centered little terror who declares everything is "MINE!" and who completely fails to understand that other children can't enjoy playing with him, if they never get any of the toys?! Evidently, the twins' ability to share was never due to my wonderful parenting, but was something they brought with them!

* Having twins reinforces your parental accomplishments and helps justify your challenges. It can be a quiet let-down, for a 1st-time mom to master breast-feeding, comforting a fussy infant and to accomplish getting a decent amount of sleep...only to admit to herself that women have been doing that since the beginning of time - and long before indoor plumbing, central heat/air, disposable diapers/Bum Genius and automatic washing machines!! But when you figure out how to care for and transport two babies at one time (and you will - because you have to), you will rightly feel you've accomplished something above and beyond. And you will get impressed feedback from friends and strangers alike, that really boosts you up, in those hormonal post-partum months.

I, too, fielded those negative comments during my pregnancy with the twins (when people somehow think they're being supportive?!?!): "You'll never get any sleep!", "You'll never be able to go anywhere without help!", etc. I got A LOT of that from my Mom, who, deep down, was just hoping her headstrong, independent daughter would suddenly NEED her all the time... All that bulls*^# made me feel determined that, when the babies came, I would find a way to handle things. I would accept help from the grandparents and friends, who wanted to come cuddle and coo over the twins. But I would not allow myself to be stuck in my apartment, if my Mom couldn't accompany me, on outings! And rest assured: if I figured out how to take daily walks, do my shopping, go to the park, doctor's appointments, etc. with two babies, two apnea monitors and two portable oxygen tanks...you will be just fine, when yours come! And overcoming those gloom-and-doom predictions about life with twins adds to that sense of accomplishment I was just talking about.

On the flip side, every new mom has moments when she feels like a failure - like every other woman has figured out how to do something, but she just can't get the hang of it. Or, all the other kids out there seem to behave well and here is yours, melting down in the middle of Target! At those times, it's easier to be forgiving and gentle with yourself, knowing you have TWINS - and more on your plate than normal moms! And other people will respond accordingly. Instead of giving you withering looks and muttering about why you can't get your kid under control, you will be met with sympathy and statements like, "You're amazing! I don't know how I would have managed, with two!"

Yes, the cute pictures aren't the half of it. In fact, you may find it's pretty hard to get them both looking cute in the same shot...
post #25 of 44
Jeannine:

What a terrific reply! I feel better about myself for reading it and what you said is so, so true!

Thanks for making my day

Gabrielle

Mommy to Franklin & Callan
post #26 of 44
I can't believe you've gotten nasty responses about having twins. I will say, having twins is _difficult_ but I would never say anything terrible to a mom pregnant with twins!

Sleep is hard to come by -- but that's just life with young children, it's not a twin thing, ime.

Good things about baby twins:

- They're cute. Twins are really adorable. If one baby is cute, two is freakin' darling. If you're ever having a bad day (which you probably will at some point), just take them to Target or to the mall or something, and people will come up and fawn all over them and you. I did that when my twins were little and it would lift my spirits.
-They're unique, and people will think you're an amazing mom! They'll say, "I don't know how you do it!" and mean it.
-When they start interacting, it's usually pretty interesting. There were definite hitting/biting/torturing each other phases in which I had to shadow them all the time, but when they started looking at each other and touching each other, it was amazing.

Since about the age of 3yo, my twins are definitely closer with each other than they are with me or my dh. Isn't that amazing? If they have a chance to go somewhere alone with me, they would prefer being together. I have to force them to separate, even when they're arguing. They're just very very close.
post #27 of 44

I too had so many negative comments that I was absolutely terrified at the thought of bringing my sweet baby girls home. While parenting twins points out my shortcomings every day, it is by far the most fulfilling and rewarding experience! Just watching these sweet souls grow together makes every sleepless night worth it. My girls also share with each other, and if one starts crying, watch out- sister wants to know why. The interaction between them is amazing. I can't even begin to describe the joy of nursing and looking into their sweet baby faces. It is hard, but you adjust. It is so worth it, and I wouldn't mind another set one day! My girls are 16 months old now, and watching them belly laugh at each other is really one of my favorite past times these days. The attention you get is unbelievable! As much as people love babies, they are fascinated by twins. I can't tell you how many people stop me any given day to look and talk. They really are a joy to have and a blessing. Congrats on joining the club!

post #28 of 44

When you see them after a brief separation from you, and they both run into your arms.  Two little toddlers calling you mom, running to you full speed and squeezing you at the same time makes you feel like you won the lottery.  It's all worth it.

post #29 of 44

Twins are amazing. One healthy baby is a miracle; two are even more so. Many times since they were born I sit back and just watch them - two babies. Well, now toddlers. First sleeping next to each other, baby milestones together, talking together.

 

I remember a friend telling me, "Oh my. Better you than me." She had a very close friend with twins who had a very hard time. Many times I've thought of that comment as I have found so much to enjoy.

 

I am so glad I was able to nurse mine - a wonderful experience. I love to share stories about the twins and people love to hear them. Someone told me that I make it sound like an adventure to have twins, and it really is.

post #30 of 44

I'm eight months in and the time is just flying by.  There are days that are difficult; but really I'm just trying to live in the moment because all this will be over so very soon. The girls nursing together, wrestling, laughing at each during nap time, I could go on and on. I love reading all these responses too - wonderful twin moments abound.  I know my life would be so much easier if I had only had one new baby; but I honestly feel like it's double happiness.  Also, I'm not really a spiritual person - but I truly think things happen for a reason; and I feel sort of special that I got chosen to be a mom of twins.  The universe has faith in us, we can do this because we have to; and we can do this because we were meant to.

post #31 of 44
I also didn't want twins. When I found out, I cried. And not out of anger but fear.
They are only 1 1/2 weeks now but still I already aM experiencing the joys.
Sure, they aren't smiling or anything yet but they know me. The bonding is 2x as amazing. 2 heartbeats instead of one. When they're older it'll be double the smiles and laughs and kisses and hugs.
post #32 of 44

Quote:

Originally Posted by babygrey View Post

"...It seemed like all the fun of having a baby was taken away ..."
"...I've had to give up the homebirth I wanted so badly ..."

 

Wow, I'm sorry.  Was it supposed to be fun???  lol

Also, it's too bad you had to give up something you wanted so badly.  But guess what?  GET USED TO IT.  There is a lot more you're going to have to be forced to give up eventually.  Maybe this is something god/karma/fate/the universe decided you need to work on and now you will have a pair of beautiful babies to teach you some imporant life lessons, like not being so spoiled, self-centered and whiny. 

 

Not trying to be mean, and it will indeed be hard work, but it won't kill ya - and what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!!

 

So that being said, the best things (for me) about having had twins (and a third child only 13 months older, which considering I had three in diapers and bottles at one point practically made it like having triplets):

  • they all outgrew Barney & Dora around the same time
  • they are all best buddies.  Yes, sometimes they bicker as all siblings do, but overall they have a lot of fun playing together, they are never lonely, and they have a lot of laughs together.  They also stick up for each other against playground bullies, have built in buddies to play games at birthday parties together with, have someone to tell secets to, and always someone there to give them a hug or kiss their boo-boos, even when mom's busy on the phone or making dinner.  And there are never feelings of being left behind because of one child being much older and able to do things the other children aren't allowed to do yet - they all have the same level of freedoms and responibilities. 
  • likewise, they all have the same bedtime!  No whining about "How come she gets to stay up longer?  That's not fair!", etc. 
  • it teaches them a lot about sharing, taking turns and compromising.  They are very laid-back kids which makes it easy to make other friends out in the real world.  And having always had to deal with noisy siblings and shared quarters, they are not fussy kids and never complain about stuff that a more isolated child might. 
  • it's usually fairly easy to get everyone on-board for a group costume since they usually have similar interests and similar maturity levels (e.g., Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and Piglet; this year was Alice, the White Rabbit and the Cheshire Cat; next year we're doing Peter Pan, Tinkerbell and Princess Tiger Lily!) :)
  • they always have an audience to tell lame knock-knock jokes and nonsense stories to, even when mom has had a long day at work, has a headache and just wants to be left alone for a bit.  :)
  • and there is nothing cuter than seeing them unconsciously spoon one another or hold hands in their sleep!  TOO CUTE!!! 

 

So sorry to say that for a while, it IS going to be rough.  Really rough.  (I was so tired from nursing, bottle feeding and changing diapers every 30 min. non-stop during the first four month, I thought I was going to kill someone!  It wasn't gonna be my babies though, so unfortunately for my husband at the time he was the only other person in the line of fire).  ;) 

 

But things get easier.  And it is so fun to have enough kiddos for an impromptu badminton game at the park on a nice day - without having to call around to organize a play date.  And hopefully some day I will have 3 grown children who love & adore me enough to make sure their old ma is well taken care of in her old age!  haha  :)
 

post #33 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama3LilBears View Post

Quote:

Originally Posted by babygrey View Post

"...It seemed like all the fun of having a baby was taken away ..."
"...I've had to give up the homebirth I wanted so badly ..."

 

Wow, I'm sorry.  Was it supposed to be fun???  lol

Also, it's too bad you had to give up something you wanted so badly.  But guess what?  GET USED TO IT.  There is a lot more you're going to have to be forced to give up eventually.  Maybe this is something god/karma/fate/the universe decided you need to work on and now you will have a pair of beautiful babies to teach you some imporant life lessons, like not being so spoiled, self-centered and whiny. 

 

Not trying to be mean, and it will indeed be hard work, but it won't kill ya - and what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!!

 

 

 

Wow! What on earth would you have said if you were *trying* to be mean?!
 

post #34 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygrey View Post

"think of the minivan you'll have to get"

So, help me, moms of multiples- what do you LOVE about parenting twins? What is particularly good? I'd especially love to hear about joys and happiness in the first year of life.
Any words of wisdom?



Don't knock the minivan, if you choose to get one later - I love. love. love. my minivan.  And my twins are my first and so far only kids. 

I was, quite honestly, terrified of twins - it was not something I ever 'dreamed' about... but it's not (and wasn't, even in the infant days) as bad as I worried it would be-though I'm just hitting the 2s now, so we'll see how that goes! :)

Things I love:
Watching them interact - NOTHING can get them laughing as hard as each other.  And while they fight like cats and dogs sometimes, there are moments of such sweetness - one going over to hug the other when she's crying it seriously nearly makes my heart burst!   (Ok, 75% of the time that hug results in the crying one pushing the comforting one away, but it's the thought that counts... eventually they'll get it!)

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DoomaYula View Post

I can't believe you've gotten nasty responses about having twins. I will say, having twins is _difficult_ but I would never say anything terrible to a mom pregnant with twins!

Sleep is hard to come by -- but that's just life with young children, it's not a twin thing, ime.

Good things about baby twins:

- They're cute. Twins are really adorable. If one baby is cute, two is freakin' darling. If you're ever having a bad day (which you probably will at some point), just take them to Target or to the mall or something, and people will come up and fawn all over them and you. I did that when my twins were little and it would lift my spirits.
-They're unique, and people will think you're an amazing mom! They'll say, "I don't know how you do it!" and mean it.
-When they start interacting, it's usually pretty interesting. There were definite hitting/biting/torturing each other phases in which I had to shadow them all the time, but when they started looking at each other and touching each other, it was amazing.

Since about the age of 3yo, my twins are definitely closer with each other than they are with me or my dh. Isn't that amazing? If they have a chance to go somewhere alone with me, they would prefer being together. I have to force them to separate, even when they're arguing. They're just very very close.

 

Everything this. 

 

As babies - the hardest things were the whole scheduling thing - babies who didn't sleep regularly, didn't nap regularly etc... "home life" was harder.  Going out with them actually wasn't too hard, and often made me feel like a supermom, thanks to the comments of random strangers - "I don't know how  you do it!", "Wow, I can't beleive you go out/shopping/whatever with two babies!"

 

As toddlers - now going out is harder (they don't want to stay put, would rather run amok throughout stores etc.), and the "home life" is maybe a bit simpler - at least they have a regular routine, and even if things get crazy in between, they nap and sleep at the same time.

post #35 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama3LilBears View Post

Quote:

 

Wow, I'm sorry.  Was it supposed to be fun???  lol

Also, it's too bad you had to give up something you wanted so badly.  But guess what?  GET USED TO IT.  There is a lot more you're going to have to be forced to give up eventually.  Maybe this is something god/karma/fate/the universe decided you need to work on and now you will have a pair of beautiful babies to teach you some imporant life lessons, like not being so spoiled, self-centered and whiny

 

Not trying to be mean, and it will indeed be hard work, but it won't kill ya - and what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!!

 

So that being said, the best things (for me) about having had twins (and a third child only 13 months older, which considering I had three in diapers and bottles at one point practically made it like having triplets):

  •  
  •  



Ouch to the first bolding!  And to the second bolding, I'm sure a mom of triplets would roll her eyes at that! 

post #36 of 44

I think my biggest obstacle to overcome with twins was feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed.  My husband and I had decided no more kids (we have 3).  A few weeks after that, I found out I was already pregnant and we said, "Ok...we can handle one more..." and then a few weeks later, found out it was twins.  I broke down crying...how am I going to handle 4 kids ages 4 and under??

 

But, I think it's like everything else.  It's overwhelming at first...and then a few months in and everything falls into place.  The older kids get used to the newborns, the newborns don't need as much time, and the feeling of being overwhelmed becomes less and less.

 

Take it one day at a time.  I am now 8 months pregnant with my twins and I am very excited to meet them...2 more months seems like FOREVER before they get here and to think back 4 months where I was dreading their births because of the overwhelmed feeling...it took me a long time (until about 6 1/2 months) to get excited...but the kids' excitement and the family's excitement (and friends) have helped me feel supported and looking forward to them.

 

*hugs* mama, having twins when you already have several kids is overwhelming and challenging.  But, you can totally do it.  We're never given anything we cannot handle, right?  :D

post #37 of 44
Thread Starter 

Wow, Mama3LilBears, IMO, that's a pretty brutal and unnecessary response.
Rather than follow my first impulse and justify that I've have more than a decade of parenting so far for the Universe to teach me what it is to mother selflessly, I'm going to say I'm sorry you had such a hard time with your twins.

Your post is actually similar to dialogs I've had with others that led me to post this post originally (Frankly,your comments about wanting to kill your babies and instead taking your negative energy out on your husband is particularly worrisome to me, as I haven't heard anything that negative)- I totally understand it will be rough (and I also have a toddler, tho I don't imagine that's anything like HOMs). I'm not expecting it not to be. I just wanted to own my emotions and reach out to others to replace the negative dialogs with positives.

 

Thanks, mamas who are contributing joyful stories to this post. I'm nearing 20weeks now and I'm getting very excited to meet my twins.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama3LilBears View Post

Quote:

Originally Posted by babygrey View Post

"...It seemed like all the fun of having a baby was taken away ..."
"...I've had to give up the homebirth I wanted so badly ..."

 

Wow, I'm sorry.  Was it supposed to be fun???  lol

Also, it's too bad you had to give up something you wanted so badly.  But guess what?  GET USED TO IT.  There is a lot more you're going to have to be forced to give up eventually.  Maybe this is something god/karma/fate/the universe decided you need to work on and now you will have a pair of beautiful babies to teach you some imporant life lessons, like not being so spoiled, self-centered and whiny. 

 

Not trying to be mean, and it will indeed be hard work, but it won't kill ya - and what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!!

 

So that being said, the best things (for me) about having had twins (and a third child only 13 months older, which considering I had three in diapers and bottles at one point practically made it like having triplets):

  • they all outgrew Barney & Dora around the same time
  • they are all best buddies.  Yes, sometimes they bicker as all siblings do, but overall they have a lot of fun playing together, they are never lonely, and they have a lot of laughs together.  They also stick up for each other against playground bullies, have built in buddies to play games at birthday parties together with, have someone to tell secets to, and always someone there to give them a hug or kiss their boo-boos, even when mom's busy on the phone or making dinner.  And there are never feelings of being left behind because of one child being much older and able to do things the other children aren't allowed to do yet - they all have the same level of freedoms and responibilities. 
  • likewise, they all have the same bedtime!  No whining about "How come she gets to stay up longer?  That's not fair!", etc. 
  • it teaches them a lot about sharing, taking turns and compromising.  They are very laid-back kids which makes it easy to make other friends out in the real world.  And having always had to deal with noisy siblings and shared quarters, they are not fussy kids and never complain about stuff that a more isolated child might. 
  • it's usually fairly easy to get everyone on-board for a group costume since they usually have similar interests and similar maturity levels (e.g., Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and Piglet; this year was Alice, the White Rabbit and the Cheshire Cat; next year we're doing Peter Pan, Tinkerbell and Princess Tiger Lily!) :)
  • they always have an audience to tell lame knock-knock jokes and nonsense stories to, even when mom has had a long day at work, has a headache and just wants to be left alone for a bit.  :)
  • and there is nothing cuter than seeing them unconsciously spoon one another or hold hands in their sleep!  TOO CUTE!!! 

 

So sorry to say that for a while, it IS going to be rough.  Really rough.  (I was so tired from nursing, bottle feeding and changing diapers every 30 min. non-stop during the first four month, I thought I was going to kill someone!  It wasn't gonna be my babies though, so unfortunately for my husband at the time he was the only other person in the line of fire).  ;) 

 

But things get easier.  And it is so fun to have enough kiddos for an impromptu badminton game at the park on a nice day - without having to call around to organize a play date.  And hopefully some day I will have 3 grown children who love & adore me enough to make sure their old ma is well taken care of in her old age!  haha  :)
 

post #38 of 44

I agree that was unnecessary. 

 

Maybe saying I don't want to have twins because of the stretch marks is a little "ok get over it" but not getting the birth you envisioned is a whole lot more than being "whiny and self centered".  For some of us, twins are the only birth experience we will have and I think it is perfectly valid to have those feelings of loss.  Giving birth is the one of the most momentous occasions in life and having feelings or ideas about how you would feel most connected to the experience is not something you just get over.  Yes, first and foremost, I value that my sons were born alive and thriving.  But I do wish I had worked on ways to feel more well, involved, when it was evident that I would have a c-section.  So, babygrey, my advice would be to really think of even little touches that will help you in the labor (if you have a vaginal delivery) and certainly the birth.  I wish I had asked for a mirror for the c-section.  I wish I would have had it videotaped. I wish I would have insisted on no visitors for the first hour or so after the birth. All in all, it did not make those first few days any less joyful, but I think it would have given me a little more of a place for those feelings I had surrounding the birth. I actually think these things would have made me feel more confident as a first time mother. 

 

Anyway, having twins is great.  Really, there is definitely a give and take of experience but three years in, I value having twins more and more. It really is a special thing to witness.

 

So enjoy this time and know that you really will one day feel that you wouldn't trade this experience for the world! 

post #39 of 44
Mama3litle bears, I would suggest that you understand that we strive to be a bit more supportive around here when a mom comes to us with honesty and openness about her fears and worries. Your comments certainly did not feel constructive to me. I think most folks here are doing a pretty good job of pointing out the bright spots (which is what she was looking to hear) without enjoying or being delusional of the hard side. But the poster asked for the good things and folks were giving that to her, a great reprise from the horror stories we get bombarded with while preggo. (I know I was loving reading this thread as a soon to be first time mom or twins myself)
post #40 of 44

I have twin 5 month old girls. Some days it is so incredible difficult, but I never wish that I had just one. Watching them kick and pull each others hair in the bath (they don't mean to, they're still really little) is hilarious, and one of them especially ADORES her sister. She absolutely lights up every time she sees her. So far there has not been an easy day, but I look back on the past 5 months and realize that I have accomplished so much. I nursed them exclusively for 4 months with bad latches (and PAIN), then got it through my thick skull that there was an issue and realized they had tongue-ties. I have not been able to continue nursing them (I pump the milk), I had to have a c-section (baby A was transverse and blocking the path!) and not the home birth I had planned, and I can barely AP both of them like I wanted- it's worth it. They will have a best friend for life, and I only had to go through one pregnancy for two kids! We used to say, "two for the price of one" but they charge you a little more for the second twin at the dr/hospital. Go figure :)

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