All the circumstances surrounding my twins should lead to the conclusion that raising them was SO much harder than raising my current singleton (or my step-son, who lives with us, for that matter). When I had the twins, I was young (early twenties), unmarried and they were extremely premature, so I had a year of carting around oxygen tanks and apnea monitors, in addition to two babies. Whereas, with my 2nd pregnancy, I was married, everything went smoothly, he's healthy...and there's only one of him!
But, MANY times I've found myself wishing things were as "easy" or "nice" as they were, with the twins!
* Twins always have a playmate their own age. I know people say this so often, it can sound trite and you tend to blow it off. But don't. My 11-year-old step-son (who was essentially an only child, until he moved in with us 3 years ago) and my almost-3-year-old are more demanding of my time/attention and have a harder time entertaining themselves than the (15-year-old) twins ever did. It's hard for me to recall a time the twins complained of being bored. Sure, it was hard keeping up with housework, as a single mom with twins. But it is actually harder, with one toddler who is always bored (translate: restless and destructive), if I don't do all of his activities with him. With the twins, I could get out play dough, or help them build a Lego village, then let them play with it together for a reasonably long time, while I snuck in some work.
* Twins come into the world knowing how to share. I am astounded by the process of teaching my toddler - and even, to be honest, my step-son - how to do this! Is it possible that I - who was always praised for having such sweet, agreeable children - also produced this typically self-centered little terror who declares everything is "MINE!" and who completely fails to understand that other children can't enjoy playing with him, if they never get any of the toys?! Evidently, the twins' ability to share was never due to my wonderful parenting, but was something they brought with them!
* Having twins reinforces your parental accomplishments and helps justify your challenges. It can be a quiet let-down, for a 1st-time mom to master breast-feeding, comforting a fussy infant and to accomplish getting a decent amount of sleep...only to admit to herself that women have been doing that since the beginning of time - and long before indoor plumbing, central heat/air, disposable diapers/Bum Genius and automatic washing machines!! But when you figure out how to care for and transport two babies at one time (and you will - because you have to), you will rightly feel you've accomplished something above and beyond. And you will get impressed feedback from friends and strangers alike, that really boosts you up, in those hormonal post-partum months.
I, too, fielded those negative comments during my pregnancy with the twins (when people somehow think they're being supportive?!?!): "You'll never get any sleep!", "You'll never be able to go anywhere without help!", etc. I got A LOT of that from my Mom, who, deep down, was just hoping her headstrong, independent daughter would suddenly NEED her all the time... All that bulls*^# made me feel determined that, when the babies came, I would find a way to handle things. I would accept help from the grandparents and friends, who wanted to come cuddle and coo over the twins. But I would not allow myself to be stuck in my apartment, if my Mom couldn't accompany me, on outings! And rest assured: if I figured out how to take daily walks, do my shopping, go to the park, doctor's appointments, etc. with two babies, two apnea monitors and two portable oxygen tanks...you will be just fine, when yours come! And overcoming those gloom-and-doom predictions about life with twins adds to that sense of accomplishment I was just talking about.
On the flip side, every new mom has moments when she feels like a failure - like every other woman has figured out how to do something, but she just can't get the hang of it. Or, all the other kids out there seem to behave well and here is yours, melting down in the middle of Target! At those times, it's easier to be forgiving and gentle with yourself, knowing you have TWINS - and more on your plate than normal moms! And other people will respond accordingly. Instead of giving you withering looks and muttering about why you can't get your kid under control, you will be met with sympathy and statements like, "You're amazing! I don't know how I would have managed, with two!"
Yes, the cute pictures aren't the half of it. In fact, you may find it's pretty hard to get them both looking cute in the same shot...
