Can I do anything? SHOULD I do anything?

[heathenmom]

I just found out that a coworker's daughter had a baby at 26 weeks back on September 17th. We didn't even know she was expecting! She's a single full-time college student and the father is no longer in the picture. We're in a very conservative area and I think, while he adores both his daughter and new baby granddaughter, he doesn't really know how to talk about the situation. He knows I'm expecting, and I'm kind of a birth junkie and I think I'm the only one that he's really talked to about everything.

Anyway, the baby is of course still in the NICU, approximately 60 miles from where the family lives. Mom is recovering from a c/s, trying to stay caught up with school, and see her daughter as much as possible. It sounds like SUCH a stressful situation and I'd love to do something to help but I have no idea what. I asked if there was anything I could do and my coworker said no. Should I just leave it at that? I was thinking about sending some flowers, but don't know if they allow that in the NICU? Or maybe putting together a care package for mom, but wouldn't really know where to start there, either. I've met her a few times but don't know her well at all.

Any ideas?

[LeytonsMom10]

I am a college student and my son was born at 30 weeks and still in the NICU... I could not imagin the added stress of being single, and living 60 miles away. What helped me the most was care packages. I think its natural to say "no" when people ask to help, but reality is that anything is a great suprise. I enjoyed baskets where people put snacks, magazines, travel size toothpaste, meds, tissues, chapsticks, etc. It was nice to just to have it there if we needed it and we sure did. We still get into it at home for things.

Your right with the flowers, it would suprise me if they allowed them inside the NICU. Something that has really helped me was journaling. She is going through ALOT of different emotions and now when I read the journal that I started when my son was born it makes me smile. Im glad I documented everything he was going through. I think gift cards to resturants around the hospital, gas gift cards are a great idea. We would have loved those. Since the hospital we are at is about 35 miles away we don't go home between touch times so we are constantly eating out wich gets expensive. I think even though your co-worker said no, I would still do something just to let them know that you are there for them and leave it at that. Even if he dosnet want it, his daughter will be thankful.

You dont have to know her well in order to send her something. She will be greatful for anything. We were so greatful that people just did things and didnt keep asking what they could do. After a while no is just an easier answer than telling people what we needed.

Good luck let us know how it all works out!

[MeepyCat]

Flowers don't go in the NICU, so I wouldn't send them.

For mom: hand lotion, lanolin, cozy socks. If she's trying to keep up with school, maybe one of those lap desks with the cushiony bottom?

For baby: cute baby blankets, preemie-sized outfits, HATS

[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by LeytonsMom10

What helped me the most was care packages. I think its natural to say "no" when people ask to help, but reality is that anything is a great suprise. I enjoyed baskets where people put snacks, magazines, travel size toothpaste, meds, tissues, chapsticks, etc. It was nice to just to have it there if we needed it and we sure did. We still get into it at home for things.

Yes to all this! This is what I was going for, but I'm slow this morning.

[heathenmom]

Thank y'all so much for the ideas! We're a tight-knit group (just raised over $300 on Wednesday for another coworker who'd been hospitalized) and I think that folks will be glad to help.

[winfield]

My husband and I are both college students, and our baby just got out of the NICU yesterday, after 29 loong days. The two things that helped us out the most were gift certificates for food and gas. Especially gas. We live 30 minutes from the hospital and it cost a lot to go back and forth every day, plus going to school every day. Also we pretty much lived off of McDonald's until someone gave us a gift basket with gift cards from several restaurants. It was really nice to be able to go in, sit down, and eat a real meal.

For the baby, EVERYONE gave us preemie sized onesies. We have more than we'll ever use. But we still need more hats, socks, and blankets since it's starting to get cold out. We LOVE those fleece swaddlers they are GREAT!!

Hope this helps!

[heathenmom]

It does help, thanks. I asked my supervisor, since I haven't heard ANYBODY else mention the new baby, and apparently I'm the only one he told. So after I get paid next week I'm going to put together a care package for her from just me and leave it at that. Thanks for all the preemie- and NICU-specific recommendations. I know the area around the hospital well and will pick up some gift cards for those restaurants, plus some comfort items for mom.

Y'all are great! Thanks again!