Co-sleeping safety truth and lies

[sssheri]

When it comes to co-sleeping, I need to know what real people do and not what books and articles say. I think they have to be overly cautious so that they aren't liable.

I have a 1 month old. I planned to have her sleep in a mini co-sleeper bassinet, and hope she will eventually, but for now she refuses to go back to sleep in it and spends most of the night in bed with me and my husband as i side nurse on and off. I have a pillow top queen mattress and we have sheet, blanket and duvet. I keep the blankets over me up to my arms and on her feet (she is swaddled). This was great and then I read a sleep book that said I could kill my child like this so I tried to get her to spend the night in her co-sleeper which resulted in us both being up all night.

I feel like I am so attuned to her that she is safe. What do you do for safety and co-sleeping. Am I being really risky by having blankets and a pillow top mattress?

[alicewyf]

I slept without blankets or a pillow for her first few months but we were in texas and she was born in July. She either slept between me and my husband or between me and the co-sleeper. She never ended up sleeping in the co-sleeper much (though it was nice to have a safe place to put her occasionally if I needed to). At 15 months old she divides her time between our bed and her crib in a separate room. She still naps with us.

I started using blankets and pillows again around her 6 month mark, but I'm still really careful about pillow positioning. She is used to sleeping blanketless now and will kick off/ wake up to remove any blankets. We just dress her warmly for bed.

If it were me (and I'm known for having anxiety, so take this as you will) I'd dress warmly, put my baby in a sleeper and a sleep sack, and keep her either between you and your husband or you and some sort of siderail. No pillows or blankets. Babies sleeping between two adults are supposed to get overheated easier but I never had that problem.

Sometimes if I would get really cold and I needed a blanket, I would scooch down so my face was next to her waist (I pull blankets up to my chin in my sleep) so if I did pull up my blanket it would not cover her face, since she was too high up on the mattress. Also using a separate blanket from hubby helps with this.

[alicewyf]

Oh also! Another rule in our house is if anyone had a drink or some sort of strong painkiller they did not sleep with the baby. My husband had gallbladder surgery when she was six months old so we had to work around it for a few nights when he was still on meds. If he has more than one beer after five pm he sleeps in the guest room (even tho he has a high tolerance for alcohol).

[Shaki]

This is what we did/do (not saying it's what you should do--just what worked for us): My DD slept with us right from the get go (she is almost 5 now and sleeps in her own bed part of the night, then climbs in with us for the rest). As an infant she slept between me and the co-sleeper (she did not sleep in the co-sleeper). It was winter (when she was a babe) and we did have blankets, I kept them below her shoulders. I can't remember the pillow situation, probably I had one pillow. As she got older I used pillows behind my back so that I had back support for side nursing. I was very aware of her at night--my husband usually sleeps very heavily, but during that time very quietly saying his name would wake him so I think he was pretty aware of her too even though he wasn't next to her.

[blessedwithboys]

When I began co-sleeping with ds1, there was no internet as we know it today. I had never even read about it in a book, and I hid it from everyone because ds1 was born at the height of "Back to Sleep" campaign fever and I knew I'd get a stern talking-to by anyone who found out. I gave up on the crib out of utter and total desperation. Because I co-slept based solely on gut instinct I probably did some thing that would be considered unsafe today.

I used blankets. Ds was born in the autumn but I didn't take him to my bed until he was 2 mos old. It was cold and we didn't have those fancy fleece sack thingies then. Also, there were nights when he refused to sleep, wanted to be upright, but cried in a seat, so I would sit up in bed and bend my knees and prop him up on my thighs and play with him face to face. A few times I passed out from exhaustion and woke up hours later with him still sleeping like that.

He always slept better in the crib on his tummy, but we're talking 20 minutes as opposed to waking up the second his back hit the bed. Sometimes when we co-slept ds slept on his stomach next to me. Normally we were face to face on our sides, but every now and then I needed some space for my own comfort and sanity, and he wouldn't sleep on his back, not even right next to me.

And I had big fluffy pillows, too. I think the truth of the matter is that a sober APing, BFing co-sleeping mama can really tune in to her baby and intuitively wake up if something goes wrong. Don't over complicate it, mamas.

[ElaynesMom]

My dd was born in august, so we didn't need blankets at first, but by winter I used a fleece sleep sack if it was really cold. I did use one pillow, but I was so afraid of her suffocating, that she actually slept with her head in the crook of my arm, not touching the bed, because then I could feel all her movements. Once she started getting heavy enough that my arm fell asleep and cramped up every night she slept face to face with me. If I were to do it again I'd either use no pillow, or a firm neck roll as it's smaller and rounded, so I don't know that it could really stay on a baby's face and suffocate them, I think it'd be more likely to roll off the baby's face, but I can't say for sure.

[CherryBombMama]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

I think the truth of the matter is that a sober APing, BFing co-sleeping mama can really tune in to her baby and intuitively wake up if something goes wrong. Don't over complicate it, mamas.

i like this

[akind1]

DS was born in November. TBH, I didn't master side lying nursing until he was at least 3 months old. Those first months he spent mostly in the co sleeper unless he needed to sleep on me or in the crook of my arm. We have lightweight blankets and I sleep with one pillow. When he was 6 months old, I put up the co sleeper and he sleeps in his crib part of the night, and with us the rest - in between DH and I for the most part. He doesn't have blankets on him. I just dress him warmly enough. When it gets cool enough again, I will use sleep sacks or blanket sleepers.

ITA with blessedwithboys also BTW

[texmati]

when ds was young, we used a snuggle nest in the bed the first few weeks until we got used to him. Then we folded up a recieving blanket and layed him on that. It had two benefits-- we could 'slide' him around the bed without waking him, and it created a little boundry that we could respect in our sleep.

I was shocked at how fast co-sleeping with him went from 'Oh he's so fragile' to 'quit kicking me, DS!'.

Regarding blankets; I read this great tip on here-- skooch up to nurse the baby, and then skooch down into the blankets. For us, this meant Dh and I would use separate blankets, and my set would be lower on the bed.

[Chamomile Girl]

I didn't use a pillow for DS's first six months or so, and only pull the blankets up to my waist so DS was not covered at all. I wear a heavy fleece jacket to bed so I don't freeze. He gets mad and cries if he ends up under the blanket (unless he's freezing, than he will snuggle...that has happened recently ). We don't have a pillowtop mattress though.

[shotmama]

one pediatrician when we took DD to had said that SIDS was mostly caused by a blanket of CO2 that covers baby. so if there is a lot surrounding baby, it will create a valley that traps CO2 around baby. he also said that SIDS is 4 times more likely from 2-6 months of life.

but then this is the same pediatrician that suggested putting DD in a carseat strapped in for the night to prevent her from rolling.

...uh so ofcourse i didn't tell him i was cosleeping.

still, his information freaked me out, and making sure our exhales had somewhere to escape to gave me a piece of mind at least.

i also slept with DD the way that you describe in the early days. i used to wake every 15 minutes cause i was so paranoid! haha!

[Kuba'sMama]

I have the baby between dh and I. We have very flat pillows from ikea. I stretch a receiving blanket around the pillow and below it, flattening out any creases and such (so it's more like a firm slope rather than a pillow resting on a sheet). My babies were always quite big though and by now (5 mos.) I feel much safer and noticed I sleep better. I also put my face around waist height, because I do like to snuggle under covers at night- must be a universal co-sleeping mama thing, lol. I keep one hand on both her little feet, and the other usually holding her hand. I feel quite secure and very in tune to her movements.

[motherhendoula]

My first co-sleeping experience was 12 years ago with my son - i had a bassinet next to my bed, when he woke, i grabbed him and nursed him side lying. I like covers and pillows so i had them in the bed with me. He mostly fell asleep in the crook of my arm - until my three yr. old DD would wake up and climb in between DH and I - once she was asleep, sometimes i could put DS back into the bassinet - but often i got up and took him to my DD single bed and nursed him there. And had to get up by 5:30 AM to get ready for work ...so whatever worked - worked!
I was looking forward to co-sleeping with my now 8 week old DS - but he seemed so small, and my DH and i are quite overweight- i was afraid to bring him into bed with us - i would nurse reclining against the wall, and baby would fall asleep on my chest - it does help that DS loves his co-sleeper! So we split our time between the two.

[Adaline'sMama]

DD sleeps with us. Pretty much just like we sleep. We have bed rails, but other than that, she sleeps right next to me, most of the time under the covers and with her head above the covers and without a pillow. I have occasionally woken to her being under the covers. I freaked out and woke her up and made sure she was ok. She was---just pissed that Id woken her up and startled her. I usually try not to worry about it. When shes sleeping by herself (naps and at the beginning of the night) its either in her pack n play or on our made bed with no chance that the covers could smother her.

[jrabbit]

My biggest tip is to sleep with two twin-sized sheets/blankets instead of one large queen/king size - that way there is a space in between you that has no covers, and you all can be comfy & safe.

Also, my kids were all born in the winter: I slept in sweaters and blankets only up to my waist.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by sssheri

When it comes to co-sleeping, I need to know what real people do and not what books and articles say. I think they have to be overly cautious so that they aren't liable.

I have a 1 month old. I planned to have her sleep in a mini co-sleeper bassinet, and hope she will eventually, but for now she refuses to go back to sleep in it and spends most of the night in bed with me and my husband as i side nurse on and off. I have a pillow top queen mattress and we have sheet, blanket and duvet. I keep the blankets over me up to my arms and on her feet (she is swaddled). This was great and then I read a sleep book that said I could kill my child like this so I tried to get her to spend the night in her co-sleeper which resulted in us both being up all night.

I feel like I am so attuned to her that she is safe. What do you do for safety and co-sleeping. Am I being really risky by having blankets and a pillow top mattress?

You said it yourself. You are attuned to her. If she were to roll on her belly with her face flat on the pillows or pillowtop surface of the mattress, baby noses are designed differently because mom's breast are soft and squishy just like the pillows, so a baby can still breathe while nursing. If she couldn't breathe, she'd squirm like mad and you'd notice. If the blankets covered her face and she didn't mind, and she could still breathe, nothing bad will happen. Again, if she can't breathe, she'd squirm and you'd notice. I kept my babes sleeping in the crook of my arm, but I sleep with the covers over my shoulders, usually, so the blankets would partially cover them, too. Being under blankets does not mean being without oxygen. If you prefer to sleep with her snuggled up to you, able to side-nurse without getting out of bed, and her not having to fuss and cry and be alone at night, and you are in tune to her needs, then that is what you should do.

[Norasmomma]

My babies are both fall babes, I live in a drafty 100 year old farmhouse, sleeping w/out blankets is really not an option. I always slept with them in the crook of my arm or on my chest. I also used a pillow because with my neck there was no way I could not have a pillow. I pulled the blanket down and slept with long sleeve shirts. I always have slept super light when they were little, my mama instincts were on high alert.

Babies have slept with their mamas for eons, it's really the way nature intends for us to be. To me making a tiny baby sleep away from it's mommy is completely unnatural.

[Nicole730]

Didn't get through all the posts, we sleep with DD between DH and I or between myself and the bed rail. We use a sheet, comforter, and a quilt. We have four regular pillows and one body pillow in the bed. When she was a newborn I kept the blankets all below my armpits, so they were only at her feet. Around 4-5 months I feel more comfortable having them up higher. She is almost always facing me, with her head even with my chest. It definitely works for us. The only co-sleeping rule we follow is no alcohol or drugs. Oh, and I don't feel comfortable with my back to her, so I don't do that, but sometimes I will sleep on my stomach with my face facing her.

[marinak1977]

We've been co-sleeping since day 1 on a memory foam mattress. DS was in the crook of my arm originally, on his side, skin-to-skin with me wearing only a dipe, with our down comforter (it's actually very light weight) pulled down to my waist and both of us covered with a receiving blanket. I had one pillow (also memory foam), DH likes to sleep in a fort so I kept getting rid of extra pillows around him and he would sneak them back in. We also have a dog (or 3) that if invited would sleep at our feet, but never near the baby. I found that I got so attuned to DS, that one time his face got covered with the blanket I woke up immediately. Later on, I also woke up right before he rolled off the bed. The mommy sense totally works.
DS is now 9 months, sleeps mostly in between me and DH and likes a little bit of space (yay). Dr Sears indicates that sleeping skin to skin actually reduces risk of SIDS, so I never enforced back sleeping, just made sure that his face is clear and unobstructed by my giant boobs.

[Smokering]

Well, for the first two nights (at the birthing centre) she slept tummy-to-tummy on her daddy, because I was too paranoid to sleep with her lying on me and it was the only way she'd sleep!

Once we got home, I lay with her the "McKenna way" - sort of curled around her with an arm behind her. It's a very natural position for breastfeeding, and makes it nearly impossible to roll on the baby without being extremely uncomfortable, because you'd be squashing your own arm. To switch sides, when she was tiny, I just sat up in bed and rolled her to the other side of me. We had pillows, but I did dress more warmly and keep the blankets lower. Next time I'm thinking of using a sleep sack and having her on top of the blankets - a neat trick I didn't know about at the time!

Mostly, though, it was the "being in tune" thing. It's a real phenomenon. I was very aware of what was going on with her - usually was able to latch her on before she started crying, when she was just doing those subtle hunger cues. And for the first month or two I was slightly paranoid and would often wake up and check up on her at random times. But I usually knew where she was, because she liked to sleep with her head pillowed on my breast. (Heh... she's 2.5 now, we still cosleep, and it just occurred to me that if she tried to do that now I'd probably wake up and yelp with pain! Large head, small breasts. )