What age do boys start keeping track of their own stuff

[NellieKatz]

We have a dilemma. I don't want to be a naggy parent, but I end up being one, because my son won't keep track of time, or anything he's supposed to do or has stated he wants to do.

For example, I will ask him what he wants to do today. He will say "take a bus ride downtown." I know that the bus comes at 35 past the hour, so we agree on a bus time. At the BARE MINIMUM he needs to get dressed in order to do this. But if I leave it to him, he won't do it, and unless I say something, 3 hours after the bus has come and gone, he will look up from his playing, ask me why we didn't go downtown, then I explain that we didn't get ready on time, then there's intense crying and I'm the bad guy.

If, however, I try to help in this regard, either with setting a timer or perhaps a reminder "Ok, we need to leave in a half hour", these things are often ignored, leading to either the above result OR me being a nag because I repeat, and repeat, and repeat. Yuck! I hate that.

I know that logically speaking the first course of action is best, and just let him miss a few things and he will realize that he has to watch the clock a bit. Or at least ask me for help ("how much more time do we have, Mom?"). But if he's not developmentally able to do that, I think I can make a better-informed decision.

This is a CONSTANT source of strife for us, as he has numerous things that he likes to do which are important to him throughout the day, but lack of time-planning leads to predictable disappointment and too often, meltdowns and blaming Mama to go with it. How can he learn to manage time if I never let him do it and make it "my" responsibility? It really isn't. Unless of course he's too young.

[Alyantavid]

How old is he?

[4evermom]

He's 7? I think that's a bit young for that. What if you got one of those kitchen timers, helped him set it for the time that he needs to get ready to go?

[NellieKatz]

Thanks, but we have a timer. Like I said, he just ignores it half the time. I am happy to hear that you think age 7 is a bit young for that. :-)

[4evermom]

Ok.

We use a timer a lot and have for a couple years. I'll set it for 10-30 minutes and tell ds that's when I'll be done my shower/bath and he should come up for bedtime reading. Dh or ds will set it when dh tells him he'll be ready to do something in 15 minutes. That sort of thing. It keeps all of us (but mostly ds and dh) from losing track of time.

[ASusan]

Can you use an analog clock, with activities marked with respect to the time period in which they should occur? He could help you make it/draw it out, working backward from "must be at bus stop at 3:30"

So, 3:25 - go out the door and walk to bus stop
3:20 - put on shoes & check hair/face
3:10 - get dressed
3:00 - finish playing game and choose clothing

The easiest would be to have a simple working analog clock, with large, pre-printed sheets of paper that you make as the backdrop for the clock, and the sheet extends outside the edges of the clock face. You fill in the sheet for a given series of events and put it behind the clock.

[mamazee]

I want to make a snarky comment about my 45-year-old dh, but I'll resist.

My 8-year-old dd still needs me to keep track of time for her. She's a bit better this year than last year. She wakes up and has started taking a shower on her own, making her own lunch, and all sorts of stuff by herself before I even wake up. This is new though. But she has started to get an idea of how much time she has before the bus comes.

[Multimomma]

I'd say keep working on it, but honestly don't expect much until 11/12, and my 15 yo is just now getting to the point where he can do that.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Multimomma

I'd say keep working on it, but honestly don't expect much until 11/12, and my 15 yo is just now getting to the point where he can do that.

I was going to guess it's something that starts to kick in around puberty.

[blessedwithboys]

Ummm, my 16yo ds can't seem to get up with the alarm clock to save his life. I still have to go in and drag him from the bed and pack his lunch and nag and nag or else just decide that if he misses school it's his problem.

[Alyantavid]

I think he can start having some responsibility for getting himself ready, but he's 7, so yeah he'll need some help from you too.

[Joyster]

My 39 year old husband STILL needs to be told "Okay, you have 15 minutes to get ready."

I don't have anything to add to all the great suggestions though. I might try a kitchen timer myself.

[Fillyjonk]

I think 7 is old enough to take initiative and responsibility for stuff like this. Its old enough that you could probably say, "if you want to take a bus downtown we will need to start getting ready half an hour beforehand, which will be x o clock. Do you want me to point out to you when it is x o clock?" .

I think this is an age where they can often start transitioning to much more responsibility, but they still need you to put the scaffolding in place iykwim.

My 7 yo actually is pretty good with this stuff, but then I am quite mean and if he misses stuff (after having been reminded), that's it, he misses it. I'm not spending my day chivvying him-I really don't have the time, and I think if he is really interested, he'll sort himself out or at least ask for help.

Have you talked about this with your son, btw? That's one thing 7 is great for-reasoning stuff through.

I do think this is not really your responsibility. Either he accepts that you are in charge of timekeeping and he needs to do stuff when he is told to, or he needs to take responsibility for his time. To an extent, and given that we have 2 younger kids as well, I've given my 7 yo son quite a lot of freedom to organise his time, but I'd be annoyed if he also wanted to take out frustration on me when he screwed up. I've found that as long as he gets a reminder that if he wants to do x, he has to start getting ready/leave/etc now, things are quite smooth (the real problem is when it is one of his sisters wanting to do x and he wants to stay and play...)

[Petie1104]

I would switch it up. Rather than saying, "hey we need to start getting ready at x o'clock" We usually just say, "how about getting ready now and we will leave at x o'clock." That takes the pressure off, especially on those days when noone has clean socks in their drawer and mom has to go sorting socks last minute. I start them learning about time managment with things like, "hey bud, dinner's in half an hour, I'm setting a timer and your room needs to be clean by then". That way, if they miss the cut off, it isn't throwing the entire schedule off, the room can wait until everyone has a full belly if need be. So, basically, I wouldn't use getting ready to leave the house as a first learning experiment in time management.

[NellieKatz]

Thanks for the pointers, everybody! :-)

And Fillyjonk, what is "chivvying"? I've been on earth a fair amount of time and never heard that. Is it a regional expression? Just curious.

[LauraLoo]

Does your ds have a good sense of how much time passes when he does certain activities? For example, does he know that it takes him roughly 15 min. to get dressed, brush his teeth, etc.? (or whatever amount of time....) Some people just don't have a good sense of time, so planning is more difficult.

I like the backward planning steps that ASusan detailed, and I'd also work on just setting a stop watch or having him look at the clock before and after he does activities so that he can build his sense of time. If he doesn't have a wrist watch, you may want to consider getting one for him. In the mean time, you may want to have him work on getting things that need to be done first before you can leave, done first -- even if it means doing everything a couple of hours before you need to leave so that nobody gets rushed, no one gets nagged, etc.