I'm not even sure what I'm looking for - some commiseration, or some other experiences from moms who have shy/independent toddlers or advice from anyone who's BTDT?
DS (19 months) is often a contradiction to me -- he's happy to go off on his own exploring, picking up leaves, etc. without barely looking back for us, and yet other times he's incredibly clingy, not letting anyone else hold him, carry him, etc., including close relatives. He sees my brother and sister-in-law often, yet he doesn't want them to carry him. He hadn't seen his grandmother in a month or so, and when he saw her earlier this week, he threw a huge tantrum and didn't want her getting anywhere close to him.
He's fine if we walk into a new place that's open and public - but he immediately freaks out and holds on to us for dear life when we walk into an intimate situation, like a dinner party with friends and family, etc.
His teachers at day care have made sure to tell me that he doesn't talk much, "he has no use for circle time," has not bonded with any of the other children (I guess they try to move them up to the next classroom with a "buddy") and prefers to be sitting by himself, preferably working on a puzzle. In fact, they've had to start letting him sit on the other side with the kids who are still finishing breakfast in the morning while he works on puzzles or other manipulatives as incentive to keep him from clinging on to me. The other day when I walked in to pick him up, all the other kids were sitting around one teacher and he was the only one off by the side "reading" a book. He didn't seem unhappy -- so is it even a problem? I'm starting to see how this affects the way the teachers treat him, too. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but they don't seem as interested in him (no surprise I guess: he's not too interested in them).
I've read in other threads references to highly sensitive children? Could this be him? He doesn't seem to exhibit sensitivities to things like fabrics, etc., and he's happy to play with dirt and mud -- though he comes right up to you afterward palms turned up asking to be cleaned. He doesn't seem to be annoyed by sounds -- but he seems to hear almost everything. He heard the boy next door crying once and he responded by welling up with tears: I was heartbroken. With us, he also laughs hysterically at anything slapsticky or incongruities (like the elephant in one of our books that's wearing a swimsuit), but outside the house, he stares people down with the most serious look. This isn't how most toddlers are, is it?
His new thing is to wave bye-bye whenever he's uncomfortable in a situation or anxious. What's the best way to address this (avoidance?). I can only imagine what that feeling is like, and I don't want to raise an unhappy/anxious toddler.
DS (19 months) is often a contradiction to me -- he's happy to go off on his own exploring, picking up leaves, etc. without barely looking back for us, and yet other times he's incredibly clingy, not letting anyone else hold him, carry him, etc., including close relatives. He sees my brother and sister-in-law often, yet he doesn't want them to carry him. He hadn't seen his grandmother in a month or so, and when he saw her earlier this week, he threw a huge tantrum and didn't want her getting anywhere close to him.
He's fine if we walk into a new place that's open and public - but he immediately freaks out and holds on to us for dear life when we walk into an intimate situation, like a dinner party with friends and family, etc.
His teachers at day care have made sure to tell me that he doesn't talk much, "he has no use for circle time," has not bonded with any of the other children (I guess they try to move them up to the next classroom with a "buddy") and prefers to be sitting by himself, preferably working on a puzzle. In fact, they've had to start letting him sit on the other side with the kids who are still finishing breakfast in the morning while he works on puzzles or other manipulatives as incentive to keep him from clinging on to me. The other day when I walked in to pick him up, all the other kids were sitting around one teacher and he was the only one off by the side "reading" a book. He didn't seem unhappy -- so is it even a problem? I'm starting to see how this affects the way the teachers treat him, too. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but they don't seem as interested in him (no surprise I guess: he's not too interested in them).
I've read in other threads references to highly sensitive children? Could this be him? He doesn't seem to exhibit sensitivities to things like fabrics, etc., and he's happy to play with dirt and mud -- though he comes right up to you afterward palms turned up asking to be cleaned. He doesn't seem to be annoyed by sounds -- but he seems to hear almost everything. He heard the boy next door crying once and he responded by welling up with tears: I was heartbroken. With us, he also laughs hysterically at anything slapsticky or incongruities (like the elephant in one of our books that's wearing a swimsuit), but outside the house, he stares people down with the most serious look. This isn't how most toddlers are, is it?
His new thing is to wave bye-bye whenever he's uncomfortable in a situation or anxious. What's the best way to address this (avoidance?). I can only imagine what that feeling is like, and I don't want to raise an unhappy/anxious toddler.
). She is also perfectly happy in a large place with many people and less so in an intimate setting. She is pretty independent, but can also be very clingy. It takes her quite a while (about 30-45 minutes) to warm up to people around her and with some people (like her step-grandfather) she rarely does.
. For instance, yesterday I was folding clothes and listening to music. She was playing next to me for a while and got up and walked out of the room. After a few minutes I went to see what she was doing and she was laying on her bed with her feet on the wall looking at her favorite book. When she first starting doing this I thought it was weird and that she was depressed or something? Maybe I wasn't stimulating her enough, but I really think it is just her personality.
. When you go to someone's home do you carry him in? I know it's a weird question, but we have found that if we let DD explore the front yard and sidewalk then she organically "finds" the door and we enter she is more comfortable. I think she feels more in control of the situation. Just a thought.
