Managing two toddlers

[lisalu100]

DD is 15 mo, her friend, A is 2.5 yrs. I nanny A 45-50 hours a week, so they are really like siblings. I need some tips of having two toddlers, particularly as A i into pushing/hitting DD if she gets into her stuff (she pushes her off chairs/the stool etc) and DD climbs everything, and puts everything in her mouth. Just general tips would be great. Thanks!

[quietmim]

DP also does this. He has DD, 17 months, and a 24 month old. The bickering is the most challenging part, I think. I don't have any tips, but am interested to see if anyone else does. So far, he mostly tries to anticipate problems and prevent them. Also, the older toddler tends to be quite easily redirected when the issue is a toy and that helps. Sometimes just a poke in the belly allows him to stop trying to steal DD's doll (this is not possible with certain favorite items, like the princess ball or the frog puppet). Also, we got a second little riding toy, because they were never going to get over their aversion to sharing that thing.

For the hitting and pushing, we don't have a great solution for that. We stop it physically, if need be, and then model and explain the behavior we would like to see. I don't know that there is much else that can be done when they are so little. My ears (eyes!) are open though...

[ekh]

Mine are 2 1/2 and 14 months, both girls, and for the most part they play well together. However, my 2.5 y.o. sometimes "over manages" the baby or pushes her/pulls toys away from her. So, what do we do? I tell her (the older one) that she has to return the toy, or that there will be some consequence, and then I start to count, and remind her repeatedly as we closer to 10, or 5, what I want her to do. She almost always complies before I reach the number. This has taken a lot of practice, and only works if she's not overtired.

[jillmamma]

I used to do in home daycare, and had up to 3 toddlers at a time. One thing that really helped me was to make sure they got outside time every day if possible...just having more space to run around and burn some energy seemed to help even later when playing inside. I also had 2 of a lot of the popular toys (ride ons outside, trucks, dolls, bead rollercoasters, etc. which helped reduce a lot of squabbles over wanting to play with the same thing at the same time. I did a lot of "toy time outs" too...if there was someone fighting over/not being nice with a toy (like using it to hit another kid) that did not stop, the toy had to go get put away up high for awhile (rest of the morning/afternoon) then we could try again later with the toy. If squabbling was going on, sometimes then it was time to switch activities too, which usually helped. Also, obviously, making sure that nobody gets too tired or hungry makes a big difference too...we usually had the worst issues right before lunch/naptime or late afternoon when it was close to dinnertime.

[pianojazzgirl]

I agree with the pp's idea of having 2 of the most popular toys (we even do this with my 6 yr old and 3 yr old!).

We have close friends with a toddler with about that much of an age difference from my ds. It can be tough to watch them both. Ds (the older one) engages in those typical toddler behaviours like "A" does. He's doesn't hit or push very much, but he is very protective of his toys and some visits are pretty hellish where he freaks out any time she touches anything (though it has gotten much better now that he's a bit older - just to give you hope!). Are you watching "A" at her place? I find that ds is actually totally fine playing with this other girl at her place, but when it comes to sharing his stuff with her he has a lot of difficulty. I think my friends thought he was just an awful bully, but now that she's finally hit the age of 2 she's started doing exactly the same thing to him, lol. Yup, age appropriate, but frustrating.

I have to watch them carefully while they play. I try to put away any toys that I think he's especially attached to. I try to make sure that they each have a same or similar thing to play with (for ex. if she grabs a ball from the ball bin and he gets upset I'll distract him with one of the other balls). We also talk a lot (before hand, in a calm moment) about sharing, taking turns, how we can let a friend play with something and it doesn't mean they're going to keep it forever, etc. I do thank him when he responds gently/positively to me asking him to let her take a turn. I try to be fair by not just letting him get what he wants because he's the one having a freak out and she's the one who is more easily distracted by another toy, iykwim. At the same time I'm mindful of not favouring her because she's "just little" and he's "big enough" to understand that he needs to share - if she grabs something from him, then she needs to give it back.

As for your dd climbing everything - is there anything you can do to make the environment safer for her? I guess that depends if it's at your place or "A"'s place, but even if it's at her home maybe there are some things you could do (put away things like tall stools or whatever that are dangerous to climb on in a another, closed room).

And for your dd putting everything in her mouth I guess the easiest thing is to put away everything that's not safe for her to put in her mouth. Besides that you just have to watch carefully, and do regular sweeps (I mean visually.... or with a broom too I guess, lol) of the floor to get anything dangerous (small toys, coins, whatever) that might have fallen down or been left there by "A".

ETA just wanted to emphasize the point that I made earlier that it has gotten a LOT better with time. Ds has gotten better about sharing, and also now they can play together better - she's moved beyond the role of "annoying baby" into "person I can (more and more) enjoy interacting with". Do what you can now to survive and don't forget to hold onto the knowledge these challenges will pass relatively soon.

[ekh]

I second the outdoor time being SO important. Mine go to the playground EVERY DAY for an hour or two to run off some of their energy.

[TiredX2]

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