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13yo boy babysitting 5yo girl? - Page 2

post #21 of 117
I wouldn't. But I was molested by my babysitter when I was four. He was everyones favorite kid. Even at 4 I knew no one would ever believe that this perfect kid was mean to me.

Also I would feel uncomfortable asking a 13 year old boy to help my dd with some of the things a 5 year old needs help with (even if rarely) such as wiping after toileting (my kids rarely needed this at five but sometimes the mess got out of hand....), changing clothes, and bed time.

I just feel more comfortable leaving my kids with someone the same gender as them. I would feel the same if I had boys.
post #22 of 117
If I trusted him enough to be a babysitter then sure, why not?
post #23 of 117
I am prepared to get flack for this, but I would under no circumstance allow a teenage boy to babysit a girl. I think it is inappropriate. He might be the greatest kid around, but you never know. For me, the stakes are too high to put a little girl in a situation that even has the slightest possibility of putting her at risk.
post #24 of 117
A 13 year old wouldn't bother me if I trusted them.

As far as the gender, the truth is you do never know. I sadly have experience with a female babysitter who inflicted severe abuse on her charges, of both sexes.

This is why, I would really have to know anyone who I would leave my child with.
post #25 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturallove View Post
I am prepared to get flack for this, but I would under no circumstance allow a teenage boy to babysit a girl. I think it is inappropriate. He might be the greatest kid around, but you never know. For me, the stakes are too high to put a little girl in a situation that even has the slightest possibility of putting her at risk.
I agree with this. My sister and cousin were both molested by my "wonderful" other cousin..he was male they were both female and he was between 13 and 16 when it all happened. Nobody ever thought it possibly could be an issue but it was and both of them suffered tremendously from it.

I just wouldn't risk it based on that experience.
post #26 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturallove View Post
I am prepared to get flack for this, but I would under no circumstance allow a teenage boy to babysit a girl. I think it is inappropriate. He might be the greatest kid around, but you never know. For me, the stakes are too high to put a little girl in a situation that even has the slightest possibility of putting her at risk.
You have a son! Can you even believe in the possibility of his not being a molester?

For me, it's far more important that my children learn to treat people equally and do not discriminate based on sterotypes. That they weigh risks and benefits.

I do not look at every man and boy (or woman and girl, for that matter) as a potential molester. I use my instincts, am preparing my daughters for how to respond to inappropriate behavior, and seek a wide variety of caregivers.

But I refuse--REFUSE--to look at every man like a potential molester or to treat them that way. I think we need more men in our schools and daycares and pre-schools among children, so that kids know what normal men act like.

You knew you'd get flak, but I do beg you to reconsider your attitude towards men. What about your husband? Would you trust him with another child?
post #27 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
You have a son! Can you even believe in the possibility of his not being a molester?

For me, it's far more important that my children learn to treat people equally and do not discriminate based on sterotypes. That they weigh risks and benefits.

I do not look at every man and boy (or woman and girl, for that matter) as a potential molester. I use my instincts, am preparing my daughters for how to respond to inappropriate behavior, and seek a wide variety of caregivers.

But I refuse--REFUSE--to look at every man like a potential molester or to treat them that way. I think we need more men in our schools and daycares and pre-schools among children, so that kids know what normal men act like.

You knew you'd get flak, but I do beg you to reconsider your attitude towards men. What about your husband? Would you trust him with another child?
I feel the same as naturallove. The gender difference alone would affect my comfort level with the idea. Believing in the possibility that he may not be a molester has nothing to do with it. But...that's me. I don't allow anyone to watch my kids but my mother.
post #28 of 117
Quote:
The gender difference alone would affect my comfort level with the idea. Believing in the possibility that he may not be a molester has nothing to do with it.
I guess I don't understand what you mean.

On the one hand, the gender is an issue. Why? Why would gender make a difference, if it's not about the possibility of being a molester?

I do not want to make light the possibility of being molested. However I think that we need to look at how we can make our children safer no matter where they end up. Again, emphasizing open communication, appropriate touch, how to call us if they are scared, etc. etc.

Little girls and boys are both at risk in all kinds of situation, if you're looking at *any* level of risk. Daycare (women or men). School. Playing in the yard. The world is full of risks.

What makes me sad is that all men are vetted as potential molesters based on gender alone.

I can see only letting your mom watch them. If you have that option, who can blame you for choosing the best of the best every time? But then you add, "the gender difference alone..."
post #29 of 117
No I would not.Given the right circumstances very nice people commit sexual acts they would might normally never do.Urges happen.

Statisticly men do molest more often.Unfortunate,but that is how it is.Perhaps it has to do with a hormonal drive,but women are not always the safe haven we expect them to be.I recently saw Tyler Perry speak about his childhood sexual abusers,and one of then had been a woman.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance and hope for the best.Thankfully I have never had the need for a sitter,but there were other circumstances where I had to put my trust in others.

Best wishes whatever you decide!
post #30 of 117
The age doesn't bother me. I started being a Mother's helper at 9 and full fledged babysitter at 11.

The gender does bother me. It bothers me to say that, but it is what it is. I completely understand women can molest too, but I agree with whomever said that statistically it's male's. I am also a survivor myself, therefore extra sensitive to it.
post #31 of 117
No way. I went to a Child Abuse class with the police department and the detective conducting the class advised against teenage boys watching little girls. Of course, he's seen it all including teenage boys molesting little girls.

So, no way.
post #32 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturallove View Post
I am prepared to get flack for this, but I would under no circumstance allow a teenage boy to babysit a girl. I think it is inappropriate. He might be the greatest kid around, but you never know. For me, the stakes are too high to put a little girl in a situation that even has the slightest possibility of putting her at risk.
No flack! Total agreement - see my post above.
post #33 of 117
"But I refuse--REFUSE--to look at every man like a potential molester or to treat them that way. I think we need more men in our schools and daycares and pre-schools among children, so that kids know what normal men act like."



Here's the question I DO ask myself, when it comes to male sitters/nannies/au pairs/pediatric nurses/preschool teachers - what is going on with this guy that makes him willing to put himself out there as wanting to be a children's caregiver in a society that demeans and pathologizes men who do such work?

In the OP's case, the answer may be that this one of a limited number of jobs his OWN parents will allow him to take, because they know and trust the OP, and that the friendly relationship he has with OP's daughter mitigates the anti-caregiver social message.

Normal thirteen year old boys have sexual urges, all right - BUT NOT TO HURT LITTLE CHILDREN. Good grief.

If a thirteen-year-old boy were being asked to babysit Jessica Alba, then maybe we could have have a conversation about not creating inappropriate access to temptation.
post #34 of 117
It would be a maturity issue for me. Only adult friends or family members have babysat my daughter. But I babysat at 13 with no problems, and I believe that some, not all, 13 year olds are fully capable of providing appropriate care and supervision.

Yes, statistically speaking, men are more likely to perpetrate sexual abuse against children, boys and girls. But then again, if we're speaking statistically, there are more children in foster care and more cps prevention cases, because of abuse and/or neglect caused by mothers, and I wouldn't expect people to treat every women differently in light of those statistics.

Ever hear the saying "lies, damn lies, and statistics"? Numbers are great, but they lose their value when people start judging individuals based solely on those numbers.

OP, if you know this boy and trust him and feel he's responsible enough, then I'd say go for it
post #35 of 117
A 13 year old boy babysitting a 5 year old girl. Hmmmm ... The issue of TRUST comes up I don't care how long I know him for. However if one does get a BabySitter in general whether Male or Female, one should let their 5 year olds or any young child as a matter of fact know that if anything strange or uncomfortable occurs they should tell Mommy or Daddy about it.

At the end of the day we need to make or children feel comfortable to come and talk to us about anything. That way we will be aware of any potential situations that might develop.
post #36 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by quietmim View Post
A 13 year old wouldn't bother me if I trusted them.

As far as the gender, the truth is you do never know. I sadly have experience with a female babysitter who inflicted severe abuse on her charges, of both sexes.

This is why, I would really have to know anyone who I would leave my child with.


My eldest son was abused by an adult woman. I think the tendency to distrust men and think that women are some golden ideal, is ironic at best. Perhaps because women provide the largest percentage of care, most abuse towards children is perpetrated by women, even if we hear about the most horrendous things done by men.
post #37 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

If a thirteen-year-old boy were being asked to babysit Jessica Alba, then maybe we could have have a conversation about not creating inappropriate access to temptation.
post #38 of 117
The statistics are based on criminal records. Female abusers are rarely even investigated because the victims don't report or aren't believed. The statistics don`t tell us anything except societies own bias.
post #39 of 117
At this point in my life, I *really* need to know anyone I leave my children with, male or female.

My oldest son, at age 16, was being groomed by a trusted, female, adult friend of mine. It took thinking in terms of their relationship with the genders reversed to really understand what was happening. Just goes to show I had the perception that it could not possibly be because my friend was a female mother of 2. So not true! If she had been a man and my son a girl I'm sure we would have put an end to it much sooner. Instead my ds was subject to this subtle abuse for possibly months longer than he needed to be.

Being female no longer earns automatic trust in my book.
post #40 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
The statistics are based on criminal records. Female abusers are rarely even investigated because the victims don't report or aren't believed. The statistics don`t tell us anything except societies own bias.
Marlee Matlin, the actress, wrote in her autobiography of being sexually assaulted by her babysitter, who was female. Her book was the first she spoke of it.
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