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13yo boy babysitting 5yo girl? - Page 5

post #81 of 117
My last thought- I'll stop serial posting after this- is that I may allow a 13 year old girl to watch my 5 year old. Maybe. I would have to know the girl very well. I cared for my infant brother at that age.
post #82 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeminijad View Post
Most generally, those of us who are cautious about leaving defenseless girls with young men do so because we have had a specific experience (or multiple experiences) that have taught us to feel that way.

It isn't discrimination. Do you voluntarily walk through a bad neighborhood at night, creating a situation for greater than usual likelihood for potential harm, to prove that you don't discriminate against minorities/the impoverished/etc?
Those aren't analogous unless you see teen boys as being a risk in and of themselves, which it seems some of you do.
post #83 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinYay View Post
Those aren't analogous unless you see teen boys as being a risk in and of themselves, which it seems some of you do.
I see them as riskier than other caretakers (post pubescent ones, generally,) in some situations, yes.
post #84 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeminijad View Post
Most generally, those of us who are cautious about leaving defenseless girls with young men do so because we have had a specific experience (or multiple experiences) that have taught us to feel that way.

It isn't discrimination. Do you voluntarily walk through a bad neighborhood at night, creating a situation for greater than usual likelihood for potential harm, to prove that you don't discriminate against minorities/the impoverished/etc?
Than I may as well keep my kids away from all adult women. And adult men. Seeing as I was molested by both. I guess that leaves my children with... Um... I guess they can raise themselves.

Dh and I would rather make sure we trust any person who watches our children, regardless of gender, with the lives of our children.
post #85 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Than I may as well keep my kids away from all adult women. And adult men. Seeing as I was molested by both. I guess that leaves my children with... Um... I guess they can raise themselves.

I was not molested by anyone, so I suppose I can trust that weird guy in the clown suit who drives a panel van to babysit my daughter, since everything that happened or didn't happen to me will be the same for her.

The plural of "anecdote" is not "data."



I'm still curious how those who feel young men and boys are all potential molesters/rapists plan on raising confident men who will be good fathers who don't have their heads clouded with the idea that their mother is judging them for bathing or changing their own daughters.
post #86 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES.

Men and boys are not perverts by definition.

There is a difference between people that prey on children and those that like other adults of reproductive age!

Now, I would NOT leave two teens or a teen and a pre-teen that was clearly entering puberty together. As a babysitter/child couple or just... you know. LOL!

But normal boys and girls do not look at children as sexual objects.

I am leery of any statistic that suggest that 1/3 of people have been molested. I'm going to ask. I have never seen such a number. Not sure where this was or what else these people had in common or the definition of molestation, but that number is incredibly high. And I mean "incredible" literally.
I don't find it incredible at all. While I'm sure there's a "we find each other" phenomenon at work, I had a large group of friends in high school, and almost all of the girls had been sexually abused at some point. This was by about age 15, so if you add in adult rape, I'm sure the number of women who have been molested is very high. And, ime, there are a significant number of boys who have been molested at an early age, as well.
post #87 of 117
Like I said, I believe that even if the statistics aren't 100% accurate, that there's something to them, and they clearly show that men molest children more than women, at least pre-pubescent children. I'm not sure if it's as clear in regard to post-pubescent children

However, it's still a minority of men. And women can still do it, and women have higher rates of other kinds of abuse. Sexual abuse is not the only traumatic abuse out there.

I really think this is a case of having to know the people who are watching your kids. You can't completely eliminate the risk of your kids every being hurt by anyone, but trusting no one is as useless as trusting everyone when evaluating real risk. You need to look at more than just the gender.

(And as I said, a teenage boy has babysat my dds, so I'm not opposed to male babysitters.)
post #88 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
You can't completely eliminate the risk of your kids every being hurt by anyone, but trusting no one is as useless as trusting everyone when evaluating real risk.
This. Well said.
post #89 of 117
Quote:
Okay. So you think that most thirteen-year-olds have a propensity to experiment with children?
The deciding factor isn't about if most boys would do something, but rather if boys are more likely than girls to do something inappropriate.
post #90 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Than I may as well keep my kids away from all adult women. And adult men. Seeing as I was molested by both. I guess that leaves my children with... Um... I guess they can raise themselves.


Quote:
Dh and I would rather make sure we trust any person who watches our children, regardless of gender, with the lives of our children.
I'm with you. I think getting hung up on gender misses the larger point of knowing the people you leave your children with.

If we were discussing any other trait, such as the race or religion of a baby sitter, even asking the question would be offensive.
post #91 of 117
This whole thread is sad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinYay View Post
For those who think boys should have no part in babysitting/childcare, what do you plan on doing when your sons become fathers? Will you still worry that any contact with a child's genitals will lead to molestation or temptation?

It's just plain unfair to limit the responsibilities and roles of boys for fear of inappropriate behavior while still expecting them to grow up as healthy, functioning men.
I wonder that too. My oldest loves babies and younger kids. He'd make an amazing babysitter once he's older. I'd be really shocked if our friends wouldn't let him watch their children just because he is a boy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post




I'm with you. I think getting hung up on gender misses the larger point of knowing the people you leave your children with.

If we were discussing any other trait, such as the race or religion of a baby sitter, even asking the question would be offensive.
Yep. It's just as bad as not hiring someone to babysit if they were of a particular race. It's awful.
post #92 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I don't find it incredible at all. While I'm sure there's a "we find each other" phenomenon at work, I had a large group of friends in high school, and almost all of the girls had been sexually abused at some point. This was by about age 15, so if you add in adult rape, I'm sure the number of women who have been molested is very high. And, ime, there are a significant number of boys who have been molested at an early age, as well.
Statistics in the general population do not belie these numbers, thankfully.
post #93 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Statistics in the general population do not belie these numbers, thankfully.
I'm not following you. I wasn't providing any numbers. I was simply relating my own experiences, with my own friends.

IME, people who haven't been molested as children are far more likely to find friends among other people who haven't been molested, while people who have been molested are more likely to find friends who have also been molested. (The same seems to apply to people with alcoholic/addict parents.) It's not conscious, and I've frequently seen someone tell their story years after establishing a friendship. It happens a lot.

I wasn't suggesting that most women have been molested, just because most of my friends have been. I was getting at the idea that, in social circles/peer groups where there aren't a lot of people with a history of sexual abuse, it's harder to believe that large numbers of people do have such a history. (That goes both ways. For a long time, it was hard for me to wrap my brain around the idea that the majoirity of people don't have such a history.)
post #94 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeminijad View Post
It isn't discrimination. Do you voluntarily walk through a bad neighborhood at night, creating a situation for greater than usual likelihood for potential harm, to prove that you don't discriminate against minorities/the impoverished/etc?
That's assuming that minorities/the impoverished are the only ones in the bad neighborhood. Instead of making the child molester/minority comparison, why don't you make a child molester/known felon as a babysitter comparison?

And for the record, yes, I've had avery bad experiences with a man (to put it delicately) and I was physically and verbally abused by a woman during my childhood. Funny, I don't blame all men, for what one man did, nor do I assume that every Mother on here beats their children or verbally humiliates their children, just because mine did. Nor do I believe that they are more likely to, because of their gender.
post #95 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I don't find it incredible at all. While I'm sure there's a "we find each other" phenomenon at work, I had a large group of friends in high school, and almost all of the girls had been sexually abused at some point. This was by about age 15, so if you add in adult rape, I'm sure the number of women who have been molested is very high. And, ime, there are a significant number of boys who have been molested at an early age, as well.
I don't find it incredible either. I would say that of female friends that I've talked to, at least 1 in 4 will admit to having an experience that can be defined as sexual assault - be it molestation as a child or rape/attempted rape/sexual harassment/unwanted sexual touching as an adult.
post #96 of 117
Oh, and to answer the question - gender wouldn't be an issue for me in chosing a babysitter. Although I actually was molested by a young teen age boy, I still don't look at every boy that age and see a molester just waiting for the opportunity. Aside from that, I didn't need to be in the care of this child to be molested by him.
post #97 of 117
Quote:
1 in 4 will admit to having an experience that can be defined as sexual assault - be it molestation as a child or rape/attempted rape/sexual harassment/unwanted sexual touching as an adult.
Well if we're grouping sexual harassment in the workplace with child molestation, I think we are going to have a lot of problems interpreting these statistics.

While equally abhorrent and unacceptable, the causes of sexual harassment in the workplace are very different from those that lead to molestation of children. Many people who would tease a woman at work would never dream of molesting a child.
post #98 of 117
She didn't say "in the workplace". That was your own inference. Sexual harassment can occur anywhere, anytime to any age victim. Sexual harassment can include unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.
post #99 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Well if we're grouping sexual harassment in the workplace with child molestation, I think we are going to have a lot of problems interpreting these statistics.

While equally abhorrent and unacceptable, the causes of sexual harassment in the workplace are very different from those that lead to molestation of children. Many people who would tease a woman at work would never dream of molesting a child.
The one in three number is for any kind of sexual assault over a lifetime, so sexual harassment that includes touching would count, but I don't think verbal would count. But yes, not just molestation of children by a long shot.
post #100 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Well if we're grouping sexual harassment in the workplace with child molestation, I think we are going to have a lot of problems interpreting these statistics.

While equally abhorrent and unacceptable, the causes of sexual harassment in the workplace are very different from those that lead to molestation of children. Many people who would tease a woman at work would never dream of molesting a child.
Well, I think there's a problem equating sexual harassment and teasing. Aside from that, I wasn't speaking in terms of the odd remark here or there that could be open to interpretation - I was speaking in terms of things that were unacceptable in ways that are not really debatable. And, as others have mentioned, the 1 in 3 statistic in a life time statistic. I don't think anyone is claiming that 1 in 3 girls have been molested by the time they turn 18.

ETA: While I agree that the causes of sexual harassment in the workplace are vastly different than the causes of child molestation, I don't think they are that different from the causes of rape an man or woman.
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