DSS, the poor thing...

[Petie1104]

I am being serious when I say that I feel sorry for him. He is 13. The next youngest is 9, then 7, then 4. So he's kind of up there in age compared to the others. So, today, after going to the mechanic, we went to Moe's (if you don't know what that is you are really missing out, YUMMMMYYYY). We decide to eat outside, but with our brood, we need two tables. Most places around here don't have tables for 6. So we put the three younger ones at one table and then me, dh, and dss at the other. 7yr. old dd starts in at that point. "Can I sit over with you mommy?" I said "No, your at the kid's table". At which point 9yr old ds starts in, "Then why is G over at the ADULT table?" I said, "Because G isn't as young as you three". At which point ds4 starts in, "But mommy, I'm big boy mommy, can I sit with you?" "No baby, you stay with sissy and bubby" "G's my bubby too mommy, can I sit with that bubby?" So, at any rate, this goes on for a while and dss is getting more and more uncomfortable every minute. So finally I tell everyone that these seating arrangements are final and to eat.

So, this is dss's constant state of being, too young to be considered an adult, too young to be considered a little kid. His attitude is showing this strain too. He will smart off because he thinks he knows better how to handle the little ones, then he'll turn around and start arguing with the 4 yr. old. It's like he's caught between two worlds. Seriously, I have no clue what to do to help him out, or put him in the place, and most times I don't know which one needs to be done. Anyone else in this sort of position? Friendly advice, maybe just a been there, done that it gets better, anything?

[PoetryLover]

I have a sister who is 4 years younger than me and I've always hung out with her, even when we were 13 and 9. I don't know the dynamics of your family, but I'm wondering if it might have been good for him to sit at the table with the other children, especially since the younger siblings really wanted to interact with him. It would be different if he were choosing to sit at the adult's table. I think maybe it should be a choice on his part.

[Petie1104]

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that we made him sit with us. He actually set everyone's food where they were, so he was choosing to sit with us. The thing is, while the other three are really close, they play together and spend time together, G just doesn't fit in with them. He's not much into playing tag and hide and go seek. The 9 yr. old is moving away from those games now, but he still will play with the younger two. I think just cause there is such a small age difference between each of the other three, it's just easier for them to feel like they belong in a group. G tends to just do his own thing most the time.

[Ornery]

We have a similar dynamic in our family. Our oldest is 15, and our two littles are 6 and 4. They play together all the time. My 15 yr old tries to interact with them on their level but typically they do their thing and he does his. It is really hard to find activities for all of us to do together that make us all happy. Of course, we have a much easier time singling him out as the older kid who gets to do adult things because he is so much older than the two littles. We get babysitting as much as possible to take him out to movies or paintballing or whatever so that he knows he is just as important as the littles. Unfortunately, since the little ones are so much younger, if we have a family day, it typically has to be geared more towards their level.

[Beverly]

We, too, have a similar age spread (14, 8, 5, 2), and our eldest daughter is often caught in the same uncomfortable space that your dss is. Also like you, I don't really know what to do about it, but I really feel for her. So, no advice here, but I totally get where you're coming from and hope it gets better for both of our kids sooner rather than later!

[justKate]

Not from experience here, but could you create a "new category"? Like DSS is a teenager now, so he gets to choose between X and Y. Just sort of creating an easy-to-remember way of reminding the littles that DSS has different responsibilities and privileges now that he is a teen?

[*LoveBugMama*]

I like this suggestion.  

Originally Posted by justKate 

Not from experience here, but could you create a "new category"? Like DSS is a teenager now, so he gets to choose between X and Y. Just sort of creating an easy-to-remember way of reminding the littles that DSS has different responsibilities and privileges now that he is a teen?

[happydays]

well there is a 18 year yap between me and my sister and the rest of our family are boys but i played wif my sis