Wow, I really belong here.
I can relate to so much, the loneliness, the stress, the second hand stress, feeling like a single mom with a husband, the pitting looks, the jealousy of other peoples weekends, the lack of connection to DH.
DH has always worked odd hours and too much. He's the son of 2 workaholics so what else does he know?
After graduating together, DH went on to work on graduate degrees and hold a job. I worked while he did this but felt so lonely at home alone in the evenings. It sucked that he was never available to go out to dinner, go to a friends etc... Then after my first was born it was really hard to make mom friends and participate in family get together and always be the "single" mom. My friends sometimes made jokes that DH didn't really exist and I would laugh but inside it hurt. As the kids got older and I would take them to the zoo and stuff it would sometimes hurt to see other dads having a great time with their kids knowing my kids and DH don't ever do that.
I used to stay up late and silently cry about it. I considered divorce. I think my parents marriage, were my mom has always been a SAHM and deeply involved with my Dad's schedule, set the example for me that that's how it should be. It felt wrong to be so separate all of the time. it also did not help that DH was such a private person, he never shared his day the way I expected and to this day can be weird when he feels like I am intruding in "his business" (I still occasionally have to remind him that as his wife, it's not intruding to ask basic questions about his life and activities.)
Now, the situation has normalized enough that when he is home for a rare week off it can be stressful. The kids and I have a routine of sorts and it gets disrupted when he's suddenly free and wanting to take over the living room watching TV and expects us to give him down time with no interruptions.
It's also hard because he hates all 3 of his jobs. He teaches high school English, and classes for 2 on line universities. He gets so stressed and resentful of things about his job that are either just basic parts of the job (like students asking the same "stupid" questions each class) or the fact that he is spending so much time doing it. Frankly I think his anger uses up more energy and time than just doing his job sometimes. He is angry all of the time now. He's angry when he's working. He's angry when he has down time because he has to go back to work. He's angry that he does not get enough down time. His anger definitely effects the mood of the house.
I feel like I am painting a really negative picture, when really things are not quite so bad. DH is not some raging ogre or anything. He's just grumpy and/or tired most of the time.
I have so much more to say, but I will leave it for another post.
It's good to know I'm not alone.