Support thread for SAHPs whose partner works more than 70 hours/week? - Page 5

[rcr]

Hi . can I crash your thread? I am not a sahm but I do have a dh who works all the time. He works in a different city sunday night through thursday night. So he is only home on the weekends. When he is home all we do is argue. We're seeing a counselor which is helping. He says that my job is less stressful, which maybe it is, but I also have to watch my kid all week alone. I don't have the chance to ever work late If I wanted to because I have to pick up my kid at 4:30. What DS is sick I'm the only one who stays home to watch him. When a babysitter has something else to do I have to take off work to watch him. Then my husband comes home and complains that the house is messy and I didn't clean up enough. I do all the cooking , I do most of the cleaning, I do all of the raising of our son, and when I ask that he clean up a little on the weekends complains constantly about that. Plus I bring in more than half of our income. His income basically only pays for gas to get to work and our apartment in the city that he works in and some of child care. But he refuses to just stay home with DS because he loves to work. I, on the other hand, would love to stay home with ds but I can't because we need my income.and because my job is very stable whereas his is not.

[Lynne Holloman]

I live in Richmond and I created a meetup group for wives of workaholics. I'm a working prego mom to 4 daughters. In a month or two DH will be a traveling project manager- home on the weekends. I don't know how I will work and keep the kids alive and mentally sound with all this inlcuding my high risk pregnancy. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I wish we could all hang out!

[Lynne Holloman]

Boredom is my middle name- hence my blog (familyofmovers)- we've moved 20 times in the last 8 years because I get bored since DH works so much! It gives me something to do! And yes, I can get involved with people in the area and have before but something always gives me the itch!
 

Originally Posted by Harmony08 

I feel the boredom too.  I have recently realized that I think it is less about not having anything to do (because I do have things I can do) but about social interaction and connection.  No matter how much I do I end up kinda bored if I don't get enough connection with other adults.
 

[Lynne Holloman]

Been there done that. Do we know eachother!? We too lived in a camper full time traveling for DH work. It was too hard. We were on the road and he wasn't home until 9 and worked at least 6-7 days a week. We chose to stop in Richmond and settle down and find roots. I don't feel completely great yet but it's probably pregnancy hormones. I have to find my nitche and so do you. It's hard, but you are doing the right thing for your family for the time being. My life changes so much who knows what can happen. He's going on the road again without us but hopefully we will see him on the weekends. (I doubt it but guilt trips can help) I'd love to connect, have you read our blog (familyofmovers.com)
 

Originally Posted by crazyms 

Joining in. My dh works 7 days a week. Luckily he gets home around 5-6p every night but he leaves before 5 in the morning and it's EVERY day of the week. No days off. EVER. Okay that's not true. He gets Thanksgiving day off and two weeks for Christmas but no weekends. They do occasionally get a few days off here and there in between jobs or if something is going on but that's not guaranteed. He works off too away from home. We go with him and live in a camper full time. The moves and uncertainty drive me nuts but if we don't all go then we'd literally never see him. As it is we get him for about 4 hrs every evening and that's it. Of course that time includes dinner and his bath. Not much time for anything else. It sucks. Especially since I'm all alone away from home during it all. If I were at home then I could work part time or see friends and family or ... I don't know something. Since we're on the road I don't know anybody and I don't know the area so it adds to the boredom with him being gone. I swear if it wasn't for internet and this forum I'd go crazy LOL. Really concerned about the new baby coming as well. He'll be able to get a day or two off but then he'll be back to work and it's going to be hard with the new baby and him trying to connect to it as well. I just hope I don't crack under it all.

[Harmony08]

Hugs everyone! I wish we could all get together!  Hang in there everybody!

[applecider]

Still here, same ol' same ol'. Although I'm looking forward to summer break just so I can go stay at my mom's or do some trips and not have to be at home. Plus DP will be working days so on the weekend he won't be needing to stay up late and sleep late to be on the same schedule. SO excited that he'll be UP with us. And damnit, he will be . No more sleeping in for him. How is everyone else doing?

[AlyssaYoung]

Hi All!

I just discovered this thread because I knew I couldn't be the only SAHM whose significant other worked 95% of waking hours! 

It is very frustrating, but I feel like it has stretched and tested me as a person.  Sometimes I have wondered if I was doing the right thing by putting my dd through this, but it is worth it!  When I do get to spend time with my dh, I realize again and again why I stay.  Also, I have been trying hard not to compare my life to society's version of "what it Should be like".  (Even before we had kids...)  I find that I get more into trouble when I look at what is NOT happening, than at what actually IS happening. 

My DH has his own growing company, so that means we only see him sometimes in the morning before he rushes out the door.  He also does conventions all over the country about 65% of the year and can be gone for 2-3 weeks at a time.  We are so proud of him, but it is still hard.  I try not to ignore my feelings, but I also don't bombard my dh with it.  I talk to him about it if I've had an especially hard day and I always feel better for it.  I have noticed that he feels very responsible and guilty afterwards, so I donno...  It is tough.  I've been toying with the idea of going to a psychologist to vent and figure out how to deal with it all.

My heart goes out to all of you!

[sunshinemum]

yeah I'm right here with all of you! My dh works very long hours trying to grow his business, and then when he is home, he is off doing jobs on our hobby farm. We just never see him. I get quite resentful of the fact that he can just come and go as he pleases, and never tries to include our older kids in his jobs when he is here. I am always the "default" parent and that in itself makes things just so much harder. I could cope with the long hours if he would just try to take the kids when he is here, you know?

[insidevoice]

Originally Posted by sunshinemum 

yeah I'm right here with all of you! My dh works very long hours trying to grow his business, and then when he is home, he is off doing jobs on our hobby farm. We just never see him. I get quite resentful of the fact that he can just come and go as he pleases, and never tries to include our older kids in his jobs when he is here. I am always the "default" parent and that in itself makes things just so much harder. I could cope with the long hours if he would just try to take the kids when he is here, you know?

I understand.  I really don't MIND the long hours at all- but then if he has the nerve to NOT help out when he is around I get angry.  Not just resentful, I am truly angry at that point because I need a break occasionally as well.  I sometimes have to remind him, but he's making an effort more often than he used to anyway.