Others posting your childs photos on their facebooks.. do you allow it? Why/why not? (and a...

[WindyCityMom]

I'm wondering- do you allow family members and friends to post pictures of your children on their facebook pages? Why or why not?

My MIL has a ton of photos of both of my DDs on her FB. So does FIL, SIL, DHs uncle, DHs aunt, a friend of the family, and so on. MIL frequently posts pictures of my DDs and tags others in them so that they will be notified and look at them. Right now 16yo SIL has a photo of her and my DD as her display picture.

I don't really mind people taking the photos, that's fine. Put them in their photo albums and look back at them KWIM? But when it comes to social networking, I get iffy, just because photos get passed around like no tomorrow on those things. I do have photos of my kids on my own facebook (so does DH), but I don't have every.single.photo that has ever been taken of them on it. Our facebook pages are also set to private.

I also have a blog, which I do post photos on from time to time.

I kind of feel weird with people having our photos on their facebooks. MIL has an entire album dedicated to our kids. I almost want to say something, but feel like I have no real grounds as to say something since I do post photos of my own kids, and also have a public blog (though I don't mention their names in the blog ).

If you were in my position, would you say something? How would you do it? I was thinking of sending a group message to everyone who has our children's pictures on their page. I'm also kind of feeling iffy on posting photos of them on my blog.. but again, it's not a photo album of everything they do- just here and there shots of us doing crafts, etc. I think that everyone else put together has more photos of them online on facebook than I do.

[Flower of Bliss]

My friends and I take pictures of our kids together, upload them to FB, and tag each other all the time. I personally love it. Another regular at library story club took a few pictures of our girls together at a festival where we ran into each other, and then asked me the next week if I was on FB so she could friend me because she'd uploaded the pictures. It didn't bother me at all. The children's room librarians (who are both also friends of ours on FB ) were very excited to see the pictures of the girls together.

I have many many pictures of my kids uploaded on FB as well (though mine are set to friends only, and I do actually know everyone on my friends list). I tend to not worry to much about it. I gain a great deal of pleasure from sharing pictures of my children. My little brother had a picture of him with my DD1 as his profile picture for awhile. In fact, he has a whole album dedicated to her titled "this girl is my soul" I teared up when I found it. I think one or both of my girls may be in my mom's profile picture too. She mostly joined to see the pictures my cousins and I put up of our little ones.

All of that said, if it bothers you, you certainly have the right to ask them to take the pictures down.

[Aubergine68]

I am very selective about images/info about my children going online, especially as they get older. My dd is now jr high age, for example, old enough that she isn't going to change *that* much more in appearance as she becomes an adult.

I think *she* ought to be the one to have as much say as possible in the images of her that are put out there, ykwim? I don't want some net-savvy stalker or abusive ex or even high-school bully in a few years somehow turning up old facebook or blog pics of her and using them in ways that might embarrass her. Or worse.

I would absolutely use this line of argument to ask friends or family to take down pics of my kids that they had posted.

[WindyCityMom]

Thanks. I do like sharing photos, don't get me wrong... but I just wonder, sometimes, whose hands they're in. I'd like to hope that everyones pages were set to "friends only", but then again, who are their friends?

I just hate feeling like I'm putting myself in a bubble, but then I feel irresponsible if I decided to "pop" that bubble and disregard it. Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm being irrational or not, I need outside perspective

[Naturallove]

I don't have any advice, but I am in almost the exact situation and it does bother me that there on pictures on my kids on facebook that I personally can't control who has access to them. Like you I do not know how to approach the situation because I don't want it to come across as hypocritical or cruel because all MIL wants to do is show off her grandkids... It is such a sticky situation I am interested to hear what others have to say.

[WindyCityMom]

Naturallove- now that you brought it up I think MIL does want to show off the kids, mostly to her family in Mexico. BUT... we frequently video-chat with them on Skype, so they do get to see them Which I'm happy about.

[mamalisa]

I don't really care. I feel like it would be almost impossible to avoid and I don't find it to be a big deal, I certainly don't think it will be for the kids at any point. The only time I've cared is when dh's sister decides to play "SuperAunt" and post pics of my kids when in fact, she doesn't actually care about my kids. She only cares about the appearance of looking like she cares.

[Hoopin' Mama]

No, I don't care because I post them, too.

And in the long run, our images are out there. I don't really know what bad things people could do with the images. I'm sure I could conjure up some pretty creepy things but I prefer not to, and in the end I realize it's not somethng I can either control nor does it really affect us.

That said, I generally ask other parents before I post photos that have images of their children in them.

[GuildJenn]

It doesn't bother me. I consider the safety risks really low, and the sheer volume of information is making each individual piece less important. As a trade off for a loving, warm community of people who all care about each other's kids - I'll take the tagging.

I worry more about the high school/university years, but I figure in 10 years the technology will have shifted anyway.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Well, I'm guessing that pic in your avatar is of you and your girls (super cute btw), and its public.

I don't know, people post pics of my ds all the time. It's fine with me, and I use fb as a way of posting pics so that my far away friends can see him grow up in a way. Otherwise they wouldn't see him at all.

[sammymama]

I'm not a huge FB user so I never really gave this much thought (rather, just admired pics of friends' kids) - UNTIL one of my really good friends started working for Child Protective Services, specifically the internet division. It is definitely not something any of us want to think about, but there definitely *are* people who are obtaining innocent images of babies/kids and using them in not very pleasant/legal ways. So I personally do not post any pics of my babe on FB, and thank anyone who has posted something with my babe in it and then delete it. I also have my settings on friends only, and am very selective about who is my friend. Like I said, I would not have given this much thought until hearing real-life (and very unsettling) thoughts from someone in the internet child-porn field. I'm sure it's one of those things where there is such a small percentage of it happening to you, but it just makes me feel better to refrain from it...

[oaktreemama]

I don't care in the least. I am not going to lose any sleep over the really remote chance someone MIGHT take my kid's picture and do "something" with it.

I want my far flung family to see regular pictures of my son and I know they love posting his pic and bragging on his cuteness. I don't let fear dictate my personal life and the enjoyment people get from my pictures and from posting their own.

[sammymama]

I don't view it as letting fear dictate my personal life (which I avoid as well), so much as a safety issue - the same thing that leads me to erf, delay/no vax, etc. It's simply what you are comfortable with in terms of the safety of your child - if you choose not to post your kids' pic on FC I don't think it implies that you're home hibernating, terrified of what "might be"... just saying...

And OP, I forgot to say - IMO it is definitely your right to ask people to respect your preferences on posting your kids' pics. It is your child - and there are so many other, less public ways for people to share images (something password protected that cannot be shared, for example, like snapfish or shutterfly - you can put darling captions on all pics there as well - and they can be shared only with trusted sources). That's what I do once a month for the extended/ far away family.

[gbailey]

I don't want people posting pics of my child online. I don't even have pics of my DD or even DH on my facebook page and I don't post pics of other people and/or their children. DH is not a fan of it and neither am I.

OP, I don't think your being irrational. One of my bestfriends coworker posted pics of them on a work trip on facebook and my friend flipped out. This REALLY bothers her. Her coworker doesn't understand why but she was still respectful enough to remove the photos.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by sammymama

I'm not a huge FB user so I never really gave this much thought (rather, just admired pics of friends' kids) - UNTIL one of my really good friends started working for Child Protective Services, specifically the internet division. It is definitely not something any of us want to think about, but there definitely *are* people who are obtaining innocent images of babies/kids and using them in not very pleasant/legal ways. So I personally do not post any pics of my babe on FB, and thank anyone who has posted something with my babe in it and then delete it. I also have my settings on friends only, and am very selective about who is my friend. Like I said, I would not have given this much thought until hearing real-life (and very unsettling) thoughts from someone in the internet child-porn field. I'm sure it's one of those things where there is such a small percentage of it happening to you, but it just makes me feel better to refrain from it...

I just don't see how, even if someone "used" images of the kids for something, it would really make any difference to us. If someone wants images of kids, they can snap them on the street without anyone seeing. I mean, I take my kids to the beach - I don't know who might see them.

I don't think the possibility that someone might use them to kidnap my kids is very realistic either.

[odenata]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

I just don't see how, even if someone "used" images of the kids for something, it would really make any difference to us. If someone wants images of kids, they can snap them on the street without anyone seeing. I mean, I take my kids to the beach - I don't know who might see them.

I don't think the possibility that someone might use them to kidnap my kids is very realistic either.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I also don't care. There are so so so so many images of kids out there in the public domain that trying to put restrictions on how others use photos on facebook is just silly. Anyway, so what if a stranger looks at a picture of your child? Mamas gonna put all of her fears into you. Mama won't let anyone dirty get through.

[Aubergine68]

My leaning towards facebook/internet privacy for images of my kids is *not* so much about fear as it is about the feeling that my kids should grow up feeling that they *own* images of themselves and information about themselves as much as is realistic in the internet age.

Personally, I dislike googling myself and finding all kinds of info/pictures I never gave permission to be posted about me . I'd dislike having all my own baby pictures floating out there; I try not to be excessive about putting pics of my own kids out there. I feel that they should have the right to choose how their online identity is created when they are older, not to grow up so much within an identity that their family has created for them online. There is enough of that in real life...just my opinion, though. I do think about my kids' future employers and romantic prospects googling them and somehow finding the stuff I put out there before I publish it.

I should probably go back and edit a lot of info about my kids out of my old mdc posts to be consistent, just in case my identity here is revealed. Someone did recognize me here once, someone I like and trust, but still....

ETA: I always imagine, what if my kid (or some family member close to them) ever became famous (or, gods forbid, infamous?). What dirt could the reporters dig up on 'em? As cute as it is, do I *really* want the pic of my son when he stripped himself down and painted his body all over with bright red paint at the age of two to turn up in his biography or on reality tv someday?

[CherryBombMama]

i dont mind other family members taking pictures of my ds and posting it. my ds is adorable and i love to see how other people catch him in the moment

my brother, OTOH, is adopted and is actually my cousin, and we dont put up pictures of him on the internet. his birth parents havent seen him in years, so they dont know what he looks like. if they had a picture, there is a very high chance that his birth parents will try to kidnap him. his birth mom (my aunt) is a bit of a con artist.

so it all depends, i guess.

[EdnaMarie]

I'm totally okay with it. My rule is, no naked or bath photos on Facebook as they do attract creepies. My mom loves to see pictures of my kids other people post. All of them have their privacy settings set to "friends only".

I do see the point about not having your pictures out there, but then... we walk around every day and people could remember us and use our face in their memory, even if not on paper.

I used to feel differently. I don't know what changed. I guess I just realized... I can't really keep it all private. I mean, anyway, someone could get a picture of me from my mom!