I am at my breaking point. Preg with my 5th baby due by mid Dec, and I feel totally lost. I have no one I can call and cry to, no one but my husband to console me either.
This past week has been one of the toughest I have had in all my life. Seriously, as I look back on everything I have gone through- this last week is probably the worst ever.
1- got called for jury duty right in the middle of my due date timeframe- and don't know if I can be excused from serving because I will be in labor, or with a fresh new born!
2- we are 2+ months behind in ALL our bills, including the mortgage, and fear we may lose our home, cars, power, everything.
3-The IRS just notified us that we are being audited. I'm the lucky one who did the taxes and am NOT a CPA. I feel at least that we need representation but that costs money- of which we have none. I am reading more and more about the trauma of an audit and the possible results. I have nothing to hide as Ifeel I didnt do anything wrong- but obviously they think so.
4-I am trying every avenue for any financial assistance, and feel so very ashamed to have to do this. Just 2 yrs ago, we were living well, now we are literally below the poverty line. Things havent been shut off yet- but soon will be. Our income is so well below our expenses- like he earns $1000.00 but our bills are $5000.00 a month.
5- We live in a state that gets lots of snow, and cold, and fear if things get shut off- what will we do?
6-My wonderful husband who has never ever failed me or the kids (i think) thinks that I find fault in him, which I don't ever. I am his biggest fan and will always be. I have never known him to fail. He keeps reassuring me that things will get better- but my hormones are getting the best of me and every day is a struggle to fight or run and hide. Because of this, we haven't been intimate for many months, and any time we attempt to, he, well has a physical problem that prohibits any activity (kwim?) Talk about a blow to my self esteem. Now I feel unloved, ugly, and worthless.
7- he works at a sales job, so his income is like a rollercoaster. I keep wondering when he might say enough is enough. He works so so hard and has nothing but stress and anxiety to show for it. Its like he works for free.
I wish he could go to his family for help, but his pride is getting in the way. Mine on the other hand has left the building- but I have no one to ask for help, or I have tapped out my resources. I also don't want to be a nag either- but something needs to give.
I am so scared and sad and in a very dark place right now.
sorry for the rant, just don't know where to turn.