Co-sleeping Misery

[mt_gooseberry]

I don't even know where to begin with this. It is 3:30 am as I write this. I am fed up with co-sleeping and I don't know what to do. My 9mo dd has never been a good sleeper, though we have had stretches where she would get into a groove of only waking 2-3 times a night to nurse. Right now she is nursing up to 12 times a night. She is restless. She smacks me (usually in the eye) and scratches me. My husband has a hard time falling asleep, but when he does, I am on my own. I am exhausted. I miss the intimicy I had with my husband (we NEVER have sex anymore and we used to have it every night). We never had these problems when she slept in a bassinet next to the bed (for the first six months). I either need to get her back in the bassinet-thingy or get her to sleep better. Help!

[TheGirls]

Have you tried a side-carred crib? It can be nice for when you need a bit of extra space,but it will fit her for much longer than a bassinette. We had one for awhile but now we have a twin bed next to ours, which works great too. It really sounds like you are needing a bit more space! FWIW, 8-9 months is a very common time for sleep issues. Hopefully it will get better soon!

[sammymama]

So sorry to hear you are going through this! My DD is a total thrasher at night (and also not a great sleeper), so I feel for you. We have a small bedroom but around the 9-10 mo mark I was threatening to knock down a wall to make the sidecar crib idea work. Tons of mamas assured me that that time period is huge for developmental stuff and it would pass... and it did. As soon as that overly wild time passed, DD even started sleeping in 3-4 hour stretches. I thought we'd made it over the hump, but a few weeks ago (DD is 14 mos) she started moving around like crazy at night, but in a whole new way - literally siting up and standing in bed - in her sleep. This coincided with her first steps and now things are calming down again at night. So, maybe see if you can hold out just a little longer to see if it will pass, then look at the side car thing.

As far as the sex thing - my best advice would be to take it out of the bedroom at night!! Once I gave up on that idea it was so much easier. DD does not nap alone, so every now and then DH and I put her in her crib (the only time she is in it, lol) or pack n play when she's wide awake and chipper with some new toys/books and escape for a moment to ourselves. I felt really guilty about taking this time away from her at first, but when it became clear that for us, it was that way or just no sex, I now feel like that's a balance. Good luck!

[jennybear]

Have you tried moving her to her own room or a crib in your room?

I have no idea how people bed share with older babies. Maybe some are more calm than mine, but she's all over the place. I wouldn't sleep at all if she were in bed with us and would probably sustain injuries from her climbing on me, kicking, jabbing, etc. lol.

We bed shared until 2.5 months or so, then she was in a co-sleeper in our room until 4.5 months and has been in a crib in her own room since then and does great (she's 10 months old now). For some babies, I think bed sharing encourages such frequent nursing.

If it's not working, it's time to try something new.

[Somemyrrh]

Has your supply dropped? Could she be hungry? If she's just restless, it could be a phase, but she might be hungry.

I totally agree with other poster, that taking sex outside the bedroom works well in cosleeping days.

[Bebe's Mom]

I had the same problem with DD. She started thrashing around the same time, kicking and scratching...no fun. I am transitioning her into her crib at night. I started by putting her in it for naps for the first month, now I am working on getting her to sleep in the crib, and nightweaning as well. It is hard, but my DH and I are definitely getting more sleep this way!! Also, intimacy has picked up as well. Read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I have also heard good things about The Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. Also, here is a link to Dr. Jay Gordon's site, he has a good article about cosleeping and nightweaning. http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

[amandasemele]

I feel for you! Just a few months ago I posted a very similar post! My little girl is now 21 moths old and sleeps thru the night, every night. The only exception is if she doesn't feel well. We still co-sleep ( my hubby works nights ). It really was just a phase. Hang in there. And be creative, take the sex anywhere! You will feel like a teenager again!!

[Kiwiontheloose]

Just wanted to say that if its not working for you, and you resent it, its definitely ok to change it up! We don't ALL have to sleep with our babies right next to us in order to be good parents.

What worked for us at 9months of age was putting our mattress on the floor, with a smaller (single bed sized) mattress next to it where DD slept. It helped decrease the frequency of nursing a little (not heaps, maybe stretched it out to every 2-3hrs) because I wasn't waking her up with my stirrings. But she was still within arms reach.

We began working on hubby soothing our DD back to sleep for some of the wakings (he was successful about once or twice a night usually) from about 10 or 11months. Gradually we've been working on getting DD to fall asleep with other methods - bum pats, hair stroking, etc etc - and over the course of the last 6 or 7 months (yes we took it very slow!) DD is now 17mths and nurses usually twice a night.

Just to give you some light at the end of the tunnel!
good luck.

[mt_gooseberry]

I just wanted to thank everybody for the advice...I got so much of it I don't know where to start! I think I shall wait another couple of weeks to see if this is just a passing stage, and then try some of the other things. I have a feeling we may end up moving her out of our bed but still have her near the bed, as some of you suggested. Again, thank you, each and every one!

[seicajs]

I just found this thread in desperation.  My DS is 11 months and is still in our bed.  This would be fine, except he wakes up 3-4 times a night, nurses all night when he's next to me (my nipples are KILLING me), and manages to push me out of our king size bed.  My husband has taken to sleeping the first "shift" on the couch so he can hold him and give me a break.  To make matters worse, he won't even take a nap unless I'm holding him.  There's no "me" time during the day to get anything done or just breathe, no sex at night, and I haven't slept more than three hours straight in over a year.  He's such a wonderful and happy baby the rest of the time, but the nights are hell.  I'm losing my mind!!!

[Hannah32]

I'll say it again, if co-sleeping doesn't work for you, then a crib is the best invention eva! lol

IMO, the main reason why co-sleeping works or it doesn't work is the temperment of the baby involved. 

[nktigger99]

I would try the side carred crib if you have the space.  It is what we did for a long time.  We have a family bed...we all sleep together...it what works for our family.  My kids where both very bad sleepers for the first year at least...it lasted longer with my daughter...she didn't start STTN till 17 months....my son was 13 months and 1 day the first time he ever slept through the night...which was the night his little sister was born.  Now we are getting ready to add the twins to the mix...so we have added a twin to our Queen on the floor...it had been super nice. 

Oh and the sex thing...take it out of the bedroom...I think since my son was born almost 3 years ago...we have only had sex in bed a handfull of time.  We have been able to conceive 3 more kids since he was born so we must be doing something.

[matokshilli]

has anyone applied the dr. jay gorden method with success? we have been co sleeping since birth as my son would not sleep otherwise... he is now 14 months and i really need to start sleeping and having some time to myself, but how without leaving him to cry and cry?

[flightgoddess]

Does your child nap alone? In your bed or their own bed for the nap? Maybe start treating the first part of the night like a nap, alone in her own bed, and when she wakes, nurse her in her room and then bring her to your bed. Sleep and nurse more if desired. Then after a few days or a week , make that two sessions in her bed, so sleep, nurse, sleep, nurse THEN bring her to your bed and sleep etc. Then extend it again in another few days or so....

It worked great for my son, BUT he was younger when I started that, like 7-8 mo? And he was used to napping alone in his own crib in his own room during the day. He only coslept at night.

It won't get you sleep right away, but it is soemthing to try. And once you start getting more sleep, you will feel better, and perhaps more amorus with the hubby....

[CJsMama]

I don't have any advice but I know how you feel because I'm going through this with our 8 month old right now....last night she woke up 8 times to nurse. I could handle a couple wakings but this is excessive. I keep hearing 8-10 months is a rough time sleep wise so I'm hoping it gets better.

[ZombieMama]

I know this is an old thread, but I had a very similar problem with my second son.

I had it all in my mind the kind of parent I wanted to be. And co-cleeping fit very much into that ideal. I struggled through 11 months of sleepless nights, crying, sleep deprivation, feelings of resentment, until one night in desperation, I laid my crying son down into his crib (used for naps). He just... fell asleep. Peacefully. No crying.

I realized he just wanted to sleep alone. That's how he was. His own personality. Each child is different.