Trick or Treating Question

[Eyelet]

My 11 year old DS wants to go trick or treating tomorrow with his friends, but doesn't want to wear a costume because he thinks they're embarrassing on him. Lots of older kids in our neighborhood go T or T, many without costumes. But I'm having a hard time with DS going without one... it seems kind of rude to me not to wear a costume and ask for candy.
Am I overreacting?

[mtiger]

No, you're not. I don't care how old a kid is when they come to my door on Halloween - but I expect that they've made an effort at a costume. If they can't be bothered to do so? They can walk away without a treat.

[mamazee]

I would give a kid who wasn't wearing a costume candy, but it does seem rude to me and I would expect a child of mine who was trick-or-treating to wear a costume. If they think they're too old to wear a costume, then they're really too old to trick or treat, though I don't think 11 is too old for either.

[ASusan]

Agreed. That's the deal for trick or treating. Costume = treat.

Although I won't say "no candy," I will ask the child what they are/what their costume is if they don't appear to be in costume.

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I would give a kid who wasn't wearing a costume candy, but it does seem rude to me and I would expect a child of mine who was trick-or-treating to wear a costume. If they think they're too old to wear a costume, then they're really too old to trick or treat, though I don't think 11 is too old for either.

I agree. If it's too embarrassing to wear a costume, then it's too embarrassing to go beg candy from others

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by ASusan

Although I won't say "no candy," I will ask the child what they are/what their costume is if they don't appear to be in costume.

I ask them as well. If they can't come up with some plausible answer? I tell them to come back when they have a costume.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by mtiger

I ask them as well. If they can't come up with some plausible answer? I tell them to come back when they have a costume.

We always say that we're going to have that policy every year and always chicken out!

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady

I agree. If it's too embarrassing to wear a costume, then it's too embarrassing to go beg candy from others

I agree! I don't give out candy because we're out with our kids, but when I'm older, no way will I give candy to kids who won't put on a costume. Blah. I ToTed into my teens and always wore a costume.

[Adaline'sMama]

Another no costume= no trick or treating.

[Multimomma]

I always give out candy, mostly because my mom never let me have candy as a kid. lol! I never know the child's circumstances.

My 15 yo and 13 yo are young enough to want the fun of walking the neighborhood, but yeah, their peers would totally make fun of them for dressing up unless the costume was horribly gory or sexy. So we compromise...they can walk around with our party, if someone offers candy they take it, but I always buy candy for them to have with no strings attached.

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by Multimomma

I never know the child's circumstances.

Like... what?

Originally Posted by Multimomma

My 15 yo and 13 yo are young enough to want the fun of walking the neighborhood, but yeah, their peers would totally make fun of them for dressing up unless the costume was horribly gory or sexy. So we compromise...they can walk around with our party, if someone offers candy they take it, but I always buy candy for them to have with no strings attached.

I don't know where you live, but that is not the case here. When kids make an effort to be creative, no one makes fun of them. Of course... if they throw on a baseball cap and claim to be a sports fan.... yeah - they'll be called on it.

[Eyelet]

Thanks everyone for the replies!

So, DS and I have come to a compromise. We went to a Halloween store this afternoon and found a mask that he likes and will wear to ToT. I agreed that he doesn't have to wear a full costume, but he must make an effort if he still wants to go. Plus, it's a pretty cool mask.

[Multimomma]

Oh, circumstances like they're poor and can't afford a costume, much less ruining clothes they own to create a costume. Or that their parents don't support them and tell them to make their own without offering help. Or that they have a mental disability. Or a million other things that I could possibly never sleuth out because it never occurred to me. Kids are just kids, and to judge them from an adult perspective seems unreal to me.

And really? You've never heard of teenagers ragging on each other for their costumes? They rag on each other for just about everything...so when I say no blood or gore in the house because it scares your little sister, yeah, my poor teen got it. Not bad from his friends, but from other kids in the neighborhood. When my daughter wore a witch costume, some other younger girls razzed her because it looked like 'an old lady' witch, rather than the short sexy witch that they had on. We're wandering the neighborhood with probably two hundred other children...it's not surprising to get a little jazz from people.

Of course, I also have children with disabilities, so I'm a little easy going, we even have adults who go around without costumes. Anyone else could judge them, but I recognize them from the ABLE office, and it's not a big deal to give them a snack sized snickers that cost eight cents.

[Multimomma]

Originally Posted by IxIa

Thanks everyone for the replies!

So, DS and I have come to a compromise. We went to a Halloween store this afternoon and found a mask that he likes and will wear to ToT. I agreed that he doesn't have to wear a full costume, but he must make an effort if he still wants to go. Plus, it's a pretty cool mask.

Sounds good! I'm glad you both came out happy with the compromise!

[Britishmum]

Originally Posted by Multimomma

Oh, circumstances like they're poor and can't afford a costume, much less ruining clothes they own to create a costume. Or that their parents don't support them and tell them to make their own without offering help. Or that they have a mental disability. Or a million other things that I could possibly never sleuth out because it never occurred to me. Kids are just kids, and to judge them from an adult perspective seems unreal to me.

And really? You've never heard of teenagers ragging on each other for their costumes? They rag on each other for just about everything...so when I say no blood or gore in the house because it scares your little sister, yeah, my poor teen got it. Not bad from his friends, but from other kids in the neighborhood. When my daughter wore a witch costume, some other younger girls razzed her because it looked like 'an old lady' witch, rather than the short sexy witch that they had on. We're wandering the neighborhood with probably two hundred other children...it's not surprising to get a little jazz from people.

Of course, I also have children with disabilities, so I'm a little easy going, we even have adults who go around without costumes. Anyone else could judge them, but I recognize them from the ABLE office, and it's not a big deal to give them a snack sized snickers that cost eight cents.

ITA. I even gave candy - what I had in the cupboard - when a gruop of girls came trick or treating to my door in England, where in those days nobody even did Halloween. They had no costumes, but I teased them a little, but made it clear I was joking as I rummaged in the cupboard to get them a treat.

Kids are kids, and if we can't be easy on them one night a year and just hand them a candy bar, what are we coming to?

The way I see it, we are role modeling tolerance and kindness, not to mention graciousness. There are enough rules in kids' lives, without making ones about one night a year that is supposed to be fun.

[ASusan]

I get your points, Multimomma.

We had one (that I saw - DH did most of the handing out while I was walking DS around) without a visible costume. He was about 8 or 9 and his friends/sibs had costumes. I asked him what he was, and he said, "ghost." Who am I to argue that a ghost could look like a 9-yr-old boy in a stripped turtle neck? I raised an eyebrow and gave him candy.


I saw several groups of teens, and some teens with younger sibs. Nothing too sexy, I'm glad to say.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by mtiger

I ask them as well. If they can't come up with some plausible answer? I tell them to come back when they have a costume.

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

We always say that we're going to have that policy every year and always chicken out!

Me too. I think I'm afraid of retaliation.

[mtiger]

Seriously? Borrowing one of Dad's yardwork shirts, burning a cork and using it to make "stubble" and saying you're a bum (remember - like we used to do way back when?) is something most any kid could do. Costs nothing. No cork?? Take a stick and burn it, let it cool - voila! Charcoal.

And I usually give the kids I tell to come back some ideas... Put on all black, come and tell my you're a ninja. Or the night. Got a team shirt? Put it on and ask Mom if you can use some of her make-up to paint a team logo on your face. She says no? Okay..... Put on the team shirt, bring a baseball, football, whatever.... be a fan; or toss it up in the air, and maneuver around screaming "I got it, I got it!" and be whoever on the team. MAKE AN EFFORT!

All that is really required for a costume is a bit of imagination.

[Juvysen]

it's too cold here in upstate ny (most halloweens) to see too many teen trick-or-treaters in anything too sexy but I do recall going to some halloween parties dressed, uh, less than appropriately for the weather when I was in college.

I haven't gotten a lot of trick-or-treaters at my door in NO costume, but I did get some pretty creative twists on regular old clothing... which I actually loved. One teen came here (with a group of younger kids) wearing all these signs pinned all over... one to her shirt, one to her hat, etc... each said something like "hat, $20" "shirt, $15" and then there was a sign pinned to her back saying "going trick or treating? priceless" or something like that. She was a mastercard commercial. Awesome! Takes so much more mental effort to come up with something like that than to just grab a costume off a rack, you know?

[Kreeblim]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

One teen came here (with a group of younger kids) wearing all these signs pinned all over... one to her shirt, one to her hat, etc... each said something like "hat, $20" "shirt, $15" and then there was a sign pinned to her back saying "going trick or treating? priceless" or something like that. She was a mastercard commercial. Awesome! Takes so much more mental effort to come up with something like that than to just grab a costume off a rack, you know?

I LOVE seeing costumes like that! I hope this is OK to link here, but I saw this a while ago and I keep thinking about how awesome this must have been!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/docpopular/4063790568/