Desperate measures for napping

[kgreenemama]

I'll try to make this epic saga brief...

My 2.5 yo DS FINALLY started STTN in our bed a month ago, when my milk ran out (I'm five months pregnant). Naps still pose a problem and I'm desperate to hold on to them through the birth of Baby 2.

I always lie down with him for naps, and deal with the flopping, figeting, getting up and running around, chatting, etc. by gentle persuasion until he settles down and closes his eyes and lies still. The process has always taken about an hour. These days, I'm running out of patience.

Yesterday, I was on the verge screaming, and I needed to walk away. I told him that Mommy needed a moment, and he could try to lie down by himself. I just sat outside the bedroom door to calm myself. He started crying immediately, begging me to come back in, yelling, "Help me, Mommy!" and other things that nearly broke my heart. I returned after about four minutes and lay down with him again. He continued to sob quietly while I explained that he needs to start learning how to take nap time seriously and try harder to go straight to sleep. Within 30 seconds he was asleep and slept for two hours. Clearly, he's not ready to drop naps.

My question is, how close to CYO was what I did? Sure, it worked, and I realize that the Ferberizers would say that giving in after four minutes is against their "rules" anyway, but I'm more concerned about how damaging his crying was for those moments. If I try this again, will he start to see that I'm not going to tolerate the procrastination? Or will it just instill a sense of abandonment?

I'm open to other suggestions, but just waiting for things to change, as we have been doing since his infancy is not working. He'll be three when his little sister is born, and I will not have the luxury of spending an hour getting him to nap. He was not sad about giving up nursing after 2.5 years - he really did not protest at all. But he IS now sleeping all night, which I thought wouldn't happen until he was five. He SEEMS willing to help us make changes. Do you see some way to encourage him to help himself fall asleep during the day?

Much appreciated!

[tibeca]

Taking a moment when you feel out of control is NOT CIO! It is important to note that if mommy needs a break so that she doesn't do something worse, it is okay to let a baby cry a little. Take the deep breaths you need so that you can handle the situation in a caring/loving way.

As for help with the situation. My DD is 2 1/2 with our next DD due any day now. The hardest nap times were during the middle of my pregnancy when she would do exactly as your DS. I took my time to explain to her that taking naps was important for her health/happiness and that I understand she sometimes needs help getting there. I promised I would lay with her as long as she was being still/resting. If she started to fidget/wiggle I would remind her that mommy didn't like it when she did that. She would frequently settle down and fall asleep. On days when she didn't, I would get up and say that she obviously wasn't ready for a nap (even if she had told me she was) and that I wasn't going to lay there while she was making me uncomfortable. She would frequently cry/whine/complain and promise to go right to sleep.

I never let her get beyond a minute or two of grumbling before asking if she was actually ready for a nap and would like to lay down together. If she said yes, then we would.

I did learn something very important in this whole process of now getting her to lay down and sleep. Sometimes, they just aren't tired yet. Keep in mind that toddlers can't read clocks and no matter how tired mommy may feel, they might not yet be ready for that nap. Finding patience during pregnancy is hard. Be forgiving to yourself and remember that as long as the majority of your time with your son is spent caring for his needs, crying once or twice hasn't "ruined him."

[MelW]

I think that at 2 1/2, especially if he has good language skills, he can understand more about your needs and requests (and patience and tolerance) around naptime and going to sleep. Maybe you can build off of what you did- negotiating things like "I'll lie down beside you when you can be still and quiet", and helping him learn how to wind down to get to sleep. He can start to understand now that you are serious about nap/rest time and he might even have some good ideas about how you can help him fall asleep more easily.

At that age I felt a lot more able to negotiate with my daughter to avoid the drawn-out getting to sleep times, we could do progressive relaxation stuff, and on the days that she was driving me absolutely crazy I would ask her to stay in her room to listen to books on tape for a set amount of time while I rested. She would be quiet (and often fall asleep) and I would stop going insane trying to get her to sleep.

Good luck!

[newmamalizzy]

My LO is only 7 months, so I can't really comment on the nap situation. I did want to reassure you, though, that you should absolutely not chide yourself over letting your toddler cry while you had a moment for yourself. Your little boy is definitely old enough to understand that you still exist when you step out the door, and you did not leave him indefinitely or without giving him a warning that he could understand. At 2.5 years old, I don't think CIO really exists in the same way. Two year olds can be really petulant, and I think sometimes they really DO need some time to chill out by themselves, just like you!

Good luck with the naps and the new baby.