How do you mommas do it?

[thatgirliknew]

Okay, mommas.

I'm exhausted and at my wits end. My 4 year old son is anxious, antisocial, depressed (according to his therapist), doesn't have control of bodily functions, doesn't want to be touched, lashes out at me and everyone else, doesn't seem to understand what is acceptable behaviorally or socially...

I have no idea what is wrong. I have no idea how to fix it. And I am so exhausted at the end of the day and so stressed.

[hadleys_mom]

Big hugs! Sadly, you just get used to it. You learn to really appreciate the tiny, tiny victories. And I think it is important to have at least one friend who gets it and allows you to vent. Sometimes that may just be coming here and venting. I also blog so that I can keep track the changes and see that things are getting better....though this year as been a total crappy year for positive change.

I drink a lot of wine at night too.

[nicholem]

I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. In my past life-prior to parenting, I was a psychotherapist with severely disturbed children. So, your post brought up a few questions for me:

Has your therapist given you a diagnosis-other than depression?

Is your therapist a play therapist? If not, I highly recommend finding a play therapist that uses a lot of fantasy and very little talk and maybe a sand tray.
Go to http://www.a4pt.org/ps.index.cfm to find a play therapist near you and do lots of interviewing.

Have you considered using Homeopathy, nutritional therapy, or chiropractic?
These kinds of behaviors can be very connected to yeast overgrowth or a food allergy of some type-like gluten or corn-a sensitivity to corn can make a child act really out of control. A change in diet can do wonders. If you live near NW Iowa-I can recommend a chiropractor that is really great-people come from all over to see him. We live in CO and go a couple of times a year.

There is a book called "The highly sensitive child" that might be helpful.

And, taking care of yourself is the biggest thing. Parenting is so overwhelming, especially with a high needs child.

Warmly,
Nichole
mama to Colin and Gabriella

[thatgirliknew]

Originally Posted by hadleys_mom

Big hugs! Sadly, you just get used to it. You learn to really appreciate the tiny, tiny victories. And I think it is important to have at least one friend who gets it and allows you to vent. Sometimes that may just be coming here and venting. I also blog so that I can keep track the changes and see that things are getting better....though this year as been a total crappy year for positive change.

I drink a lot of wine at night too.

Thanks for the support! Sometimes we have victorious days. Sometimes I really feel like my son hates me. And somedays, like today, I feel so bad for DS (and myself) that I cry. Today we were at my sister's house and he had a BM on himself twice and peed on himself once. I didn't have his extra clothes with me, so I put him in his cousin's clothes twice. Finally, his cousin had run out of clothes that would fit him and I had to put him in a diaper just in case he had another accident. He was humiliated and starting crying. I felt horrible and he was afraid his older cousin would make fun of him. Then I had his older cousin sit on his bed because he was interrupting his mom during a phone call (nothing mean, just "sit until you're done") and he said to him "I hate my mom. I just want to kill her!" It floored me! These are just a couple of the things that have happened today, but at the end of today, I just felt dead...

[thatgirliknew]

Originally Posted by nicholem

I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. In my past life-prior to parenting, I was a psychotherapist with severely disturbed children. So, your post brought up a few questions for me:

Has your therapist given you a diagnosis-other than depression?

Is your therapist a play therapist? If not, I highly recommend finding a play therapist that uses a lot of fantasy and very little talk and maybe a sand tray.
Go to http://www.a4pt.org/ps.index.cfm to find a play therapist near you and do lots of interviewing.

Have you considered using Homeopathy, nutritional therapy, or chiropractic?
These kinds of behaviors can be very connected to yeast overgrowth or a food allergy of some type-like gluten or corn-a sensitivity to corn can make a child act really out of control. A change in diet can do wonders. If you live near NW Iowa-I can recommend a chiropractor that is really great-people come from all over to see him. We live in CO and go a couple of times a year.

There is a book called "The highly sensitive child" that might be helpful.

And, taking care of yourself is the biggest thing. Parenting is so overwhelming, especially with a high needs child.

Warmly,
Nichole
mama to Colin and Gabriella

So far, DS has seen the therapist 4 times in the past 2 months (it would be every week, but I have joint custody and his father says "there's nothing wrong with him" so he won't take him to therapy). All she has said is that he has preschool depression. I don't even know if that's "official" and on the charts or what. I go in for a collateral session (parent only) on Thursday and I plan on talking more about our current situation and asking there if she thinks it may be more than that.

As far as what kind of therapist she is, I don't know her "title" but we're doing parent child interaction therapy.

My LO just started crying so I will be back later to finish this post

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by thatgirliknew

So far, DS has seen the therapist 4 times in the past 2 months (it would be every week, but I have joint custody and his father says "there's nothing wrong with him" so he won't take him to therapy). All she has said is that he has preschool depression. I don't even know if that's "official" and on the charts or what. I go in for a collateral session (parent only) on Thursday and I plan on talking more about our current situation and asking there if she thinks it may be more than that.

As far as what kind of therapist she is, I don't know her "title" but we're doing parent child interaction therapy.

My LO just started crying so I will be back later to finish this post

I've seen people suggest mediation or ask for a child advocate in such situations. You could probably find out your therapists "letters" by googling them or googling them and their address. You could ask if she would prepare a statement for court/mediation/advocate.

If you don't feel like he is benefiting from the therapy you can move on to someone else.

[thatgirliknew]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

I've seen people suggest mediation or ask for a child advocate in such situations. You could probably find out your therapists "letters" by googling them or googling them and their address. You could ask if she would prepare a statement for court/mediation/advocate.

If you don't feel like he is benefiting from the therapy you can move on to someone else.

I just Googled her:

"Summary of Professional Experience

Piano teacher and teacher trainer (Suzuki method): piano instruction with adults, children, and adolescents. Clinical therapist working with children, adolescents and adults in individual, family and group settings.
Summary of Education
Master’s Degree (M.A.) in Mental Health Counseling,
Master’s Degree (M.M.) in Piano Performance
Teacher’s Diploma
D.E.S.S. de Psychologie Clinique (post Master’s professional degree)
Licence d’enseignement (piano)
Licence de Musicologie (Bachelor’s in Music)
Licenses and Awards
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, Social Workers and Marriage and Family Therapist (added to LPCC license).
NAMI Award for Excellence as Mental Health Therapist.
Professional Counselor (LPC)
Teacher Trainer with the Suzuki Association of Americas.

Professional Training and Specialty
2008: EMDR certification (EMDRIA)
Class on Dissociative Disorders (ISST-D, basic level)
Clinical Hypnosis training (ASCH basic level)
2007-08: EMDR Basic Training levels 1 and 2, EMDR supervision with Donald Beere, ABPP, PhD
Trained in Prosci Change Management
2006-07: Training in Motivational Interviewing
2006-08: Japanese Reiki training levels 1 and 2
2005: Trained in PCIT (Parent Child Interaction Therapy)
Fluent in English and French, studying Spanish, some Japanese ability.

(I actually didn't know HALF of this, sounds very accomplished)

Anyway, I really like her. I just think when I go talk to her on Thursday, I should ask if there could be more than just depression going on here.

[Petie1104]

Some days I want to cry myself to sleep. But I live for the days when I see real improvement. I will say that until we reached the point of having a real dx and real solutions for issues put in front of us (the dx was actually connected to finding the right therapies for her) I had more days that I wanted to just hide than I had good days, but we started having good days after some of the therapies started working. DD was extremely violent, so bad days with her included blood, sweat, and tears, usually mine. And I never knew which day I was waking up to until it was too late.

Trust me, it does get better, we haven't gotten to wonderfully terrific or anything, but we have more good days than bad ones now. I don't know if it's because we have adjusted, or she's gotten better, or a combination of the two.