Pagan baby's Christian grandma is asking for baptism - Page 3

[Sol_y_Paz]

Originally Posted by BlueLeaf

If I did baptize the baby, the only reason would be to make my mother in law happy.

It would bother me to baptize her because in my mind it's saying "You believe what you want, but you need to do this because your beliefs are wrong."

She's coming by tomorrow to watch the baby, so I'm going to talk about this with her. She's a good person, and I don't think her pastor would do this even if she tried to go behind my back.

I admire your perspective and your thought process behind this. The relationship with your MIL who you say is a good person is important for you, your DH, and your baby. A good person will love and accept you guys and your baby regardless.
It isn't so much your beliefs are wrong and hers are right as far as the impression I have gotten from what I know here, as much as this is a small thing that is important to her. Just like you have things that are important to you.
A infant baptism is a one small event that usually is pretty quick in terms of time and commitment. Personally I don't see the big deal of letting the baby be baptized, provided her pastor would do it even though you do not believe and the pastor knows that. I don't see any harm for anyone involved with the details that I know.

[Kreeblim]

So, I haven't read every post all that closely, but here's my .

I an agnostic, but my mom's family is Lutheran. My Great Grandfather was a founding minister in the Lutheran church in the homesteading states, and we traveled on a train when I was young halfway across the country so we could visit. While there, I was baptized (or so I'm told). I am also told that some of the words spoken, were that the nature of my beliefs as an adult did not matter as much as if I turned out to be a good person. My mother is clearly devout, but made sure I was aware of this.

Nobody in my family has asked that I get my kids baptized, so I'm not sure how I'd feel in your shoes, but the harm of the act itself is minimal and I look back at mine as a positive thing (though I was a baby so I really don't remember it). I would never take a religious role in a baptism and promise to do things I would never do, but as long as that is understood I would probably be OK with a baptism for tradition's sake. Not wanting your religion to be put "on the back burner" is a valid concern, but unless she'd also protesting your pagan traditions I don't feel like that's what is going on. Wanting her grandchild to be included in her beliefs might not even strike her as something that is perceived as exclusionary or disrespectful to your beliefs.

I'm pretty open to my kids experiencing the traditions of our family even if they have religious overtones though, and my child will take part in the Jewish traditions of my step-family, the Christian traditions of my mom's family, and the secular or other religious traditions as we see fit. A Baptism isn't like a secret enslavement that attaches your child to the church for the rest of their life...plenty of people switch sects or religions after a baptism.

In the end it's all about what works for you guys though, and choosing to go along with it or not is only up to you and your husband. I just wanted to offer my own perspective since I'm a little more relaxed about these types of things.

[Ravenlunatic]

This is soooo interesting.

My dd is NOT baptized. My mother begged me and I ultimately refused for all the reasons mentioned here... mostly that she is MY daughter and I say what goes. I did let my mother put the 'handed down' christening outfit on her and take photographs... this seemed to pacify her and in the moment I couldn't see what it would hurt.

In hindsight I wish I hadn't done that either as everytime I look through her photo album I see these ridiculous photos and just can hardly wait for the day I can destroy them.

Also, my two cents in regard to this

And I'm going to tell MIL that going behind my back is a betrayal that would make us reevaluate our relationship with her. I may even call her church and talk to her pastor about this.

This seems a little over the top to me. I mean, really does it matter if the woman dribbles holy water on the baby's head? I don't mean to... make light of your convictions, but if it will pacify your MIL, can't you just let her 'have' that. Not overtly give her permission, but rather be more passive in this regard. Like let her know you don't want her to do that, but maybe don't take it any further than that. If she were to baptize the baby in quiet for her own sake... so what? It would be totally different if she made it clear she was going against you and involved other family members and such...

KWIM?

[rhianna813]

I am Pagan and my DH is also Pagan but more involved with Thelema/OTO, which does a Gnostic mass, baptisms (must be older than 11) and confirmations. The ceremonies are very pagan!

We would never baptize our baby in any church. That is a personal decision for him to make. In your case conceding to what your MIL wants only sets you up for more demands later. From my experience people have a lot of opinions on parenting to share

You might consider an Elemental Blessing for your new baby. This just acknowledges the elements of earth, fire, water and air and asks for their blessings to the child. Sprinkling of water on the child would be a great way to bless with water. No deities need to be invoked or promised to.

Rhianna

[alicewyf]

I haven't read the whole thread yet, so i don't know if this has already been said, but:

Any Catholic church worth its salt WILL NOT baptise the baby unless there is a *strong* possibility that the child will be raised in the Catholic faith. Also, she cannot get the baby baptised against the will of the parents. Maybe if she finds a rogue priest or something, but in normal Catholic churches she would not be able to do this.

I'm not sure if your MIL is Catholic or not, but just giving my two cents.

[mom2tig99Nroo03]

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles

Wellll....

I'm a devout Christian, but I don't believe in infant baptism. We believe when a child/adolescent is at an age of reason (which varies wildly lol) they can choose themselves, of their own free will, to accept Christ or not. Infant baptism is simply a preference to show the parents' dedication to raising their child in the Christian church...but has no bearing on salvation. One has to willfully and knowingly accept Christ as a free-will choice to be saved. I hope that doesn't read as proselytizing, I'm just communicating what most protestant Christians believe based on The Bible.My mom was raised Catholic, and although she is not practicing, she was so adamant (read: crazy dead set) about having our daughter baptized. We had a lot of discussions (read: arguments) about it.

I just simply do NOT at ALL believe God sends unbaptized babies to hell. I did NOT have my daughter baptized.

Personally, this is a situation where I stood my ground. I would tread very lightly and take her feelings and beliefs into consideration but I wouldn't baptize. I would ask MIL to search her heart and her scriptures (infant Baptism appears NOWHERE in The Bible) and tell her you believe that if there is an Almighty, you simply do not believe in a petty or legalistic one who damns innocent babies to hell.

I would have been furious if my mom did it 'behind my back'. Not so much because of the religious side of it, but because of the blatant disrespect of my communicated choice/belief on the matter.

ditto

[Ravin]

My Lutheran mother once made a rather joking suggestion that she take DD to be baptized when I wasn't looking, and I cheerfully informed her that it would result in her no longer having a relationship with her grandchild. It was a friendly/jesting conversation but the serious issue underlying it was addressed.

No way is someone baptizing my kid against my wishes. Mom gets to be around her grandkid plenty and has her shot at modeling what a Christian is for DD. When DD spends summers at her place, DD goes to my sister's or my dad's (they're divorced) on Sundays, not to church. She isn't allowed to enroll her in VBS, either.

Boundaries have to be respected in parenting, and religion is one of them, imo. Ritual has meaning, and I am not about to promise to raise my child in a faith that isn't mine, nor is it a non-custodial grandparent's place to do so.

[Smithie]

A friend of mine dealt with this issue. Her mom is Catholic and she and her husband are not. She asked her mom when she had her first baby, "Is it going to bother you that he isn't baptized?" and her om said, "if it's really tearing me up inside, I'll do it myself in the kitchen sink." 

Works for me. I wouldn't put a loving grandparent through the emotional torture of thinking that the baby was going to suffer eternal damnation, but I wouldn't participate in a hypocritical public display either. Whatever they choose to do in the sink or with the garden hose or at the kiddie pool, so long as they keep it to themselves, does nobody any harm.