Social Issues w/ my 4 Year Old

[jeslynn]

Hey guys. My son just turned 4 and we really haven't been around many other kids. When he was about 3 1/2 we took him to Little Gym to help him get acquainted with others. He's extremely tall for his age (95th percentile for his whole life) so people usually mistaken him as an older child. So they don't really understand the "awkwardness" he gets around other kids.

Anyways, him and my husband play rough and wrestle and so my son tried to do that with another child. We quickly corrected him, but after that incident, none of the kids would play with him there and all of the parents steered clear from us.

So now he's in story time 2 times a week and he is constantly trying to hold another childs hand or he turns them to look at him or tries to steer them to go along with him. We've explained that we don't touch other people, etc, but it doesn't sink in. We've actually had kids yell at him to get away from them.

What do I do? I'm trying to get him involved with kids but I just don't know what to do. It's heartbreaking to see.

[4evermom]

My ds used to kind of poke or gently shove other kids to try to get them to play. I had to do quite a bit of coaching. I'd tell ds other kids weren't for touching. If he wanted to give someone a hug, he had to say hug, first. That made all the difference in how the other kids received him. I coached him to say "Hi, my name is ___, want to play?" As long as he got off on the right foot, by doing those things, the other kids did not interpret him as being aggressive (which he wasn't but it was easy for them to misinterpret him). It just takes a lot of reminding and practice. Pretty common for the age, though!

[Dukey25]

I agree with the previous poster and just wanted to add that maybe it is just the wrong group of kids for him. I find there is less drama if the kids are similar. For example my DS would have a really hard time with a bigger physical kid but it would be the perfect friend for my neighbors kid. My DD has a hard time with very quiet gentle girls and plays better with more active physical kids. I found at this age since their ability to communicate and negotiate with each other is a bit shaky picking playmates makes it easier especially if they need a bit of a confidence boost.

[One_Girl]

My dd was always very touchy and huggy and we never did any rough play with her. I had to coach a lot, be quick to intervene, and remind her to look at the other child's body language. She met many kids who were like her though and liked to hold hands and steer each other so it wasn't always a problem. Getting him out there, having kids tell him off, and talking to him about why they did that may also be more effective than you just telling him. I think taking a firm stand on the rough house type play is very important also if it is something that is still a problem. As you saw, it only takes one instance for you to be considered the mom of the violent kid nobody wants their kid around. I certainly don't want my dd forming any more friendships with people I think will hurt her even now that she is almost eight and can make those decisions herself, and many moms feel the same way whether their kids have had to deal with a negative friendship or not. Quickly redirecting him may help the other moms to feel like you are on top of things and it is okay to let their kids give your son a chance. Telling him what the rough housing is, that it is only an activity to do with family, and making a rule about where rough housing can take place may help him both now and when he starts school.