With the holidays approaching, I'm anxious and thinking there should definitely be a new social contract/rule drawn up regarding parenting: Under 5 must supervise- over six then watch and sit; If you didn't comply with the rule of 5, then don't lie- your kid needs to be supervised. Whats bring this about...I'm in a pickle.
Since becoming parents, my husband and I decided to be very interactive parents. We plainly believed that all children misbehaved and need to be guided to proper/polite behavior; we also believed the one(s) responsible for such guidance were the parents. Moreover, if its quality you want its quality you have to give- in essence, you only get what you put in. Following this line of reasoning, if unsupervised, our child would interact improperly with others, would not receive adequate instruction regarding behavior and would continue to behave improperly to the detriment of themselves and others.
This was/is the rationale behind us watching our child during social interactions, trips to the park/playground & various get togethers; oddly enough we received criticism for this. Nevertheless, we continued with our plans and found to our dismay at almost all our functions one or several kids would be running amuck causing havoc without any guidance or retribution. Because of this, we had to deal with annoying social situations where an unruly child would be rude to our child or disrupt the harmony of the group while the parent(s) enjoyed themselves.
Its so awful and draining at times to provide positive social interactions for our child with this situation. So I am left to wonder: Are these inattentive parents inattentive because they had to keep dealing with the chaos brought on by unguided/unwatched children so much so that they rather ignore the situation and disengage. I know thats how we feel sometimes.
I understand now more than ever why child rearing is so difficult, it doesn't matter what kid of time, or effort you put into you child- they still learn from others. And not just in the monkey see monkey do but in a more significantly way: they learn BY others. The constant exposure to disruptiveness cause the child themselves to become disruptive especially if they have been taught what is acceptable and just and they don't RECEIVE that in turn- eventually they like everyone else get fed up/react with agitation.
The pathways of thinking/ emotions that become the quickest(most utilized/drawn upon) are those that have been experienced often(most frequented). If an individual experience negative situations often, the emotions/thoughts that become frequently used and therefore more familiar are negative. This is why people who suffer from a reactionary depression(becoming depressed over something that happens- commonly over something others would experience as depressing- death, divorce etc) can eventually become chemically depressed(the biochemicals in the brain remain at a state that produce depression without a catalyst/ a depressing event taking place).
I'm trying to produce positive feelings people, positive thinking, a positive child, a positive person. Having my child become angry at being treated unfairly( typically without any punishment/guidance for the offending child) isn't part of that plan. He gets so angry when he is held accountable for the same actions that go unpunished/unreprimanded by others. So i am left here, trying to explain to a 2 year old to control his anger/behavior despite the behavior of others- although thats appropriate its difficult for most adults to do- he's 2(well 3 in Jan)!
To avoid this(him being treated badly, being bad in turn, and getting angry for getting punished for it) we leave, or don't attend functions, and he gets hurt- he just wants friends even if they are being mean/rude. Obviously this(leaving/not attending) isn't working either. So I'm tired of parents undermining my parenting, interfering with my hard work. Tired of other parents not being parents and making this situation a reality. Not only am I left pissed off and out of ideas(I'm a new parent), I'm left asking: what the hell do I do now????
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I suppose I should make it clear, if I haven't already done so- I am talking about children misbehaving, running wild, creating problems, AND not being corrected; parents who don't demand manners/civility from their children-who ignore their kid- ignore their obligations. I'm not talking about parents who repeatedly correct their child- they are doing their job & it takes time- i know this as mine misbehaves too.
Since becoming parents, my husband and I decided to be very interactive parents. We plainly believed that all children misbehaved and need to be guided to proper/polite behavior; we also believed the one(s) responsible for such guidance were the parents. Moreover, if its quality you want its quality you have to give- in essence, you only get what you put in. Following this line of reasoning, if unsupervised, our child would interact improperly with others, would not receive adequate instruction regarding behavior and would continue to behave improperly to the detriment of themselves and others.
This was/is the rationale behind us watching our child during social interactions, trips to the park/playground & various get togethers; oddly enough we received criticism for this. Nevertheless, we continued with our plans and found to our dismay at almost all our functions one or several kids would be running amuck causing havoc without any guidance or retribution. Because of this, we had to deal with annoying social situations where an unruly child would be rude to our child or disrupt the harmony of the group while the parent(s) enjoyed themselves.
Its so awful and draining at times to provide positive social interactions for our child with this situation. So I am left to wonder: Are these inattentive parents inattentive because they had to keep dealing with the chaos brought on by unguided/unwatched children so much so that they rather ignore the situation and disengage. I know thats how we feel sometimes.
I understand now more than ever why child rearing is so difficult, it doesn't matter what kid of time, or effort you put into you child- they still learn from others. And not just in the monkey see monkey do but in a more significantly way: they learn BY others. The constant exposure to disruptiveness cause the child themselves to become disruptive especially if they have been taught what is acceptable and just and they don't RECEIVE that in turn- eventually they like everyone else get fed up/react with agitation.
The pathways of thinking/ emotions that become the quickest(most utilized/drawn upon) are those that have been experienced often(most frequented). If an individual experience negative situations often, the emotions/thoughts that become frequently used and therefore more familiar are negative. This is why people who suffer from a reactionary depression(becoming depressed over something that happens- commonly over something others would experience as depressing- death, divorce etc) can eventually become chemically depressed(the biochemicals in the brain remain at a state that produce depression without a catalyst/ a depressing event taking place).
I'm trying to produce positive feelings people, positive thinking, a positive child, a positive person. Having my child become angry at being treated unfairly( typically without any punishment/guidance for the offending child) isn't part of that plan. He gets so angry when he is held accountable for the same actions that go unpunished/unreprimanded by others. So i am left here, trying to explain to a 2 year old to control his anger/behavior despite the behavior of others- although thats appropriate its difficult for most adults to do- he's 2(well 3 in Jan)!
To avoid this(him being treated badly, being bad in turn, and getting angry for getting punished for it) we leave, or don't attend functions, and he gets hurt- he just wants friends even if they are being mean/rude. Obviously this(leaving/not attending) isn't working either. So I'm tired of parents undermining my parenting, interfering with my hard work. Tired of other parents not being parents and making this situation a reality. Not only am I left pissed off and out of ideas(I'm a new parent), I'm left asking: what the hell do I do now????
__________________________________________________ ___________
I suppose I should make it clear, if I haven't already done so- I am talking about children misbehaving, running wild, creating problems, AND not being corrected; parents who don't demand manners/civility from their children-who ignore their kid- ignore their obligations. I'm not talking about parents who repeatedly correct their child- they are doing their job & it takes time- i know this as mine misbehaves too.
). I try to assess to the situation to see if DD needs me or not and intervene if she does but if not I let her deal with it on her own. Many times she'll just leave the kid alone and find something else to do. If I were to step in every time she wouldn't learn this for herself.
