Mums of Many it's November!

[baltic_ballet]

Welcome





2010 Mums of Many Threads:

Mums of Many - October
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1267168
Mums of Many - September
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1258259
Mums of Many - August
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1249149
Mums of Many - July
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1239712
Mums of Many - June
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1229724
Mums of Many - May
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1220205
Mums of Many – April
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1210515
Mums of Many – March
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1200838
Mums of Many - February
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1190429
Mom’s of Many – January
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1177896

[ChildoftheMoon]

subbing

[CherryBomb]

[mataji4]

Hate when I post at the end of the month! I'm reposting here-

I think we are strict but that doesn't mean that the kids behave!!!!!!!!!
I don't tolerate bad behavior (cussing, hurting siblings, etc) but that doesn't mean they don't do those things!! So frustrated lately, seems like all they do is bug me for food, bicker, and complain about everything!!! I'm definitely having a "omg why did i have all these naughty kids???!!!" moment right now!

Baby is great, though. He's just sweet and smiley and perfect : ) for now...

How do you ENFORCE intolerance of bad behavior? My kids don't seem to respond to consequences, even consistent consequences. Like if I ground them or send them to time out or whatever, it doesn't change what choice they make next time! I wish I knew how to change their behavior. I wish we were a pleasant big family...why do I think that exists? Where everyone is glad to have friends in the family to play with and does creative fun things together? I feel like we were like that and now it's just bicker, fight and bicker more! What happened????? And will it be like this forever??????

[Kidzaplenty]

[wendybird]

[tifpaul]

Jenny,

Sorry you are going through a tough time.

I feel a little silly offering this story - I'm hardly the most experienced Mama here, especially in this group! But here I go . . .

I have found that usually poor behavior is a cry for attention. So last month when we were having similar problems, my spouse and I met with another mom at our school who counsels families. She suggested working closely with the "aggressor" - making sure he was getting what he needed. She was sure that his picking on his siblings was to make others hurt because he was hurting. Our remedy was to re-institute family meetings, have some one-on-one time with each child each week to do what they want to do, and to have several eye-to-eye moments with him each day to say "I love you" - "I missed you" - "Glad you are home" - "Thanks for helping me when I needed it" - whatever.

I didn't think it would be resolved so easily (not that one-on-one time is easily found!) But everything has improved - his efforts at school, his relations with siblings, his interactions with all of us.

Keep us posted. I'm guessing it wasn't just one day since you re-posted your comment.

Tiffany

[mataji4]

Thanks, Tif Paul.
Unfortunately I think a lot of it has to do with dad. The difficult behavior is almost always right before he gets home from work, during dinner and afterwards. They are very clear about expressing that dad is hardly home, that they miss him, etc. Unfortunately as well, there's really nothing dad can do about that! He offers them all his attention when he is home, we have clear rhythms and expectations, and I do make a point to give one-on-one attention. Perhaps our kids need more attention than we are able to give?

[mylilmonkeys]

Hi!!
I just discovered this thread. We have 6 ranging from 13 down to 2 and are expecting twins late winter/early spring. I am a SAHM. Dad works full time and is in school full time, so I spend a lot of time parenting by myself, it feels like. It will be nice to connect with other moms with lots of kids!

[tifpaul]

Perhaps our kids need more attention than we are able to give?

I always feel like that's the case! It's really hard to have dad gone a lot. I mean, when my husband gets home 20 minutes late, it's a disaster.

[mclisa]

It is a challenge for giving each of them all of the attention they need.

I'm really struggling with name this time around. Any of you find it harder with each child?

[Fruitful4Him]

subbing

[suziek]

Hi there, I haven't been here for a while (trying to spend less time online) but I hope everyone is well.

I just posted this under parenting but I thought some of you might have some advice.

Simplicity Parenting by  Kim John Payne

I just started reading Simplicity Parenting by  Kim John Payne, and it has really given me pause. That said, I'm struggling with how to apply its principles. Our toys a pretty pared down at this point, as are clothes. I'd never pare down books. Ever. But we have five kids and the book seemed to be written with smaller familes in mind. It really is a trick to balance the needs of older and younger kids, to have down time but still let kids try things (like ice skating or violin).

Anyone BTDT? I am really struggling with how busy we all are, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what to cut out. My older kids are serious swimmers (for their age). Since I am at the pool 2-3 times a week, I have my younger kids in lessons 2X a week, and then we stay and play for free swim. We all love music. But the weekly piano lessons for #1,2,3 take a lot of time, as does the practice. We also do one foreign language lesson a week (we lived abroad and we didn't want the kids to lose their second language, which was hard-won). So there we go. Fully booked. We don't have tv or watch movies, which helps since they do have time to play, but not as much as they want or need.

Anyway, advice? I'm with the author in principal but having trouble figuring out how to get there in practice.

[zjande]

Doop doopty doo........ I don't really have anything to say. I just wanted to make sure I subbed. I think I missed October completely.

We just got our first ever puppy. What a crazy household we are now with all the kids AND this rambunctious new sharp-toothed puppy! It's craziness all around. I love it.

It's nice to see you SuzieK!

Welcome mylilmonkeys!

[Lillbjorne]

Hello,

Just wanting to step in and wave hello.

Feeling very wobbly, but wanting to find community here.

[annettemarie]

Hey, mamas! I'm just hanging tight here, waiting to have babies. Right now, I REALLY appreciate being a MoM because my older two have been such a huge help and blessing through this whole pregnancy. The two oldest are only 11 and 9, but they have stepped up in ways I never would have dreamed. I will say that I think after the babies are born, I would like to be done. But I'm 38 and we don't use artificial birth control, and I have a feeling there might end up being one more. It couldn't possibly be as difficult as this pregnancy. Then again, with my luck I would end up with quads or something.

My blood pressure is up, and I'm on meds three times a day for that. They make me kind of loopy. I also have to go in to L&D 2 or 3 times a week for NSTs. The babies are doing great; they're just kind of sucking the life out of me. My iron is low, as is my potassium and B12. I am 37 weeks tomorrow. I am so hoping to last through the end of the week so I can take the older two to see Deathly Hallows. After that, the babies can come whenever they please. My goal all along was to make it to at least 38 weeks.

RE: Having time for each child. I haven't felt like it's been a huge issue so far, but my large family is "only" 4 and my kids are all still rather young. I do find that I have to be intentional. For a while, DH and I would take turns and every other month we would do something little with each child, even if it was just running errands tomorrow, With me being practically on bedrest, there's been lots of one on one time for cuddling and snuggling on the bed. I try to have a special thing I do with each kid-- with Katie Grace, we watch the Duggars every Tuesday night. Daniel and I have a nightly date to read nursery rhymes. Stuff like that. I have a schedule in the kitchen (not that I have cooked in months :rolleyes) that guarantees each child has some one on one time with me once a week, even though they might not like helping in the kitchen very much, LOL!

RE: Simplicity Parenting. I've just started it, but I definitely see it more as a guidebook than a formula, if you know what I mean. You take what will work for you and use the rest. I don't think a large family can ever be truly simple, because there's just too much going on. Even if each child just does one thing, it adds up.

[SandyBeachBums]

I think I will join in the conversation this month. We are expecting number 5. We have three boys a girl and this will be another boy. I was kind of hoping for another girl.

I am reading simplicity parenting. I think it is aimed at more mainstream families. We are Waldorf inspired and I think many people wouldn't even see how many Waldorf thoughts were part of the book. I really enjoy it. I think it is one of those inspiring things for me. I am, always useless in pregnancy. So, around the half way mark I try to get out a good book or something new to inspire me. I need that push to be a good mom.

We go to the gym 3 or 4 days a week for swimming, classes, and lessons. It has been really good for us. It does interrupt some days, but I think it has been good for us. We live in Washington State and I have a hard time with the winters here.

we outdid ourselves with our first son's name. So, we had to keep going. I think we have a first name picked out. But, my husband wants the middle name Tower. I thought he was joking. I am not that crunchy.

I need to put a pick up now, I guess. I tried but I can't seem to do it on the Ipad.

[mishymama]

Hi!  I'm new 'round the parts but guess that I now am beginning to consider myself a Mom of Many.  We just found out we're pregnant with #7.  Somehow 6 seemed pretty normal to me, yeah a lot, but still in the "average" range.  (I don't know anyone else with more than 4, but somehow, it didn't translate to a "large family" in my head.)  7 seems much more intimidating and real to me.  I don't know why.  We live in Middle TN and have 3 girls and 3 boys ranging from 11 to almost 2.  This newest little one is due on 4th of July.

[fairymom]

subbing and bump!

[CherryBomb]

I don't feel like I have trouble making time for each of my older three, but I feel bad for the baby.  He doesn't like the sling, so that means he's usually in the baby swing during the day.  I change him and nurse him and snuggle and then I have to put him back down to get back to cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, etc.  He seems happy enough (and we co-sleep at night) but I feel like I'm shortchanging him.  I hope he warms up to the sling soon :/