I have awful credit & my marriage may be over.

[ihugtrees]

This is humiliating to write about, but I'm hoping I can get some good advice here

My husband has amazing credit, and mine is terrible...around 548. I have a lot of unpaid debt from years ago that I just ignored, because prior to marrying my husband, I was literally living off of ramen noodles...since he and I have been together, we have barely made ends meet, but we at least eat real food :-P We have never had extra money to pay off any of my bills, due to me being pregnant/then having a baby and working part time. every time we've needed to finance anything (car, credit cards) or rent an apartment, his good credit has saved us. However, he also manages all of the money, while I've earned little or no money babysitting...I've always had to 'ask permission' to buy things because the money wasn't mine and because he always knew what was in there, what needed to be paid, etc.

And now we may separate. I don't want to but he has recently decided he is not willing to work on our relationship at all. He says he will give me money to help me live, but I do not want to depend on that, nor do I want to live in this frustrating situation anymore. I don't want to have to ask for money or have him nickle and dime me the way that he does now.

But my credit is awful. I have no idea how I will get an apartment with this kind of credit, although my husband says he will co-sign a lease with me. I don't own my car, he does, and I don't mind giving him the money for the payment each month, but at some point in the near future, this car (which has 210,000 miles on it) is going to die, and I'll need another. I have no degree or formal training, make $10/hour under the table babysitting, and live in a high cost of living area.

Does bad debt go away? Will my credit at some point start to look up? It did go up 20 points this month, with me doing nothing at all. What can I do to improve my credit--do I have to pay off the debt? Most of the debt has been 'let go' by the collection agencies (I don't know the correct word for that)...I am regular on my student loan payments, and still owe $800 to a college I went to a few years ago, but other than that, I don't have creditors after me. I have 18 different negative accounts, all relatively small...ie, $300 I owe to Verizon Wireless, $200 from an overdrawn bank account, $50 from library fines, $75 from various medical testing or doctors offices, etc. I don't even know who all I owe money to or who to pay it to, and have no idea how I could possibly afford it. I consulted with a bankruptcy lawyer who said he didn't recommend bankruptcy for the amount of debt I have, but at the same time, it feels extremely unmanageable to me, especially since I'm going to be making so little. (I am going to try to get my babysitting family to do things legally tax-wise, but if they don't want to, I will be finding another job that will document the pay & do taxes. However, I'm not qualified to make more than $10-15/hour & I can't see myself working full time while still being a single mother and trying to get some sort of education.)

What I would like to do is go to school right now, for something vocational, finish in 1.5-2 years, and make decent money. Maybe I will be able to pay off debt then. But I also am afraid of getting arrested, or losing custody of my daughter or something, because of all of this crap. I have no idea what the consequences are of not paying debt like this, or how to help myself/improve my credit/etc from here...

[Purple*Lotus]

Well I think the first thing I would do is find out what is hitting your credit score, how much and how to go about paying it. I am not sure if they fall off after so many years or not, you might have to seek out a financial adviser maybe to ask.

Find out what you need to clean up to help improve your score. I am not sure who else to ask to find out for sure, though.

I am sorry! This must be hard. Hopefully he will co-sign for you, because with bad credit you will need that. If he wont do it, do you have a parent maybe who would? I hope this all works out for you.

[mattemma04]

I would pay the bank their money.My brother had bank issues and it prevented him from opening a new account at ANY bank.Student loan is a must since you can not write it off. Not sure if bad things leave your credit report after 7 years like a bankruptcy.

The technical degree is a good idea.Even something as simple as state testing for nurse aide if nurse aides make a decent income in your area.

I would want to pay off all the small debts.I used to owe 16k,but I am down to 7k.The years pass.Chip away at the debt,and prepare yourself to be on your own.Paying off the debt is the best thing you can do to improve your credit.Try getting a credt card with a low limit and pay it in full each month then ask for a credit increase every few years.

I would tolerate the poor spousal situation(unless there is physical abuse) until I paid off the debt and got a certificate of some sort.Living with another single mom can help both of you.

Best wishes for you!

[phathui5]

Will your dh let you continue to live with him until you're actually able to support yourself? It doesn't sound like moving out is a wise choice at this point.

[ihugtrees]

Originally Posted by phathui5

Will your dh let you continue to live with him until you're actually able to support yourself? It doesn't sound like moving out is a wise choice at this point.

Yes, he would, but...it's just not healthy. We are miserable and fighting. I am willing to stay here if we are *trying* but it is excruciatingly painful to be rejected and emotionally abused by him on a daily basis with no hope of change & no effort on his part. I am also horrified that my daughter has seen this...the other night we were fighting, and in the middle of it, she started yelling and pointing at DH, like she was angry, too. I know I can manage my basic bills, but am worried about paying off the debt in addition to that.

Maybe I just need to suck it up and stay here, but at this point I feel like almost anything would be better for ALL of us then this.

This is so hard, and hurts so much I wish there were easy answers...

[Ornery]

There is a forum that is very helpful when it comes to credit issues. I think it is creditboard.com or something like that. The people there are very knowledgeable about how to repair credit. I would definitely check with them.

But the first step I would take before any others would be to ascertain exactly what all of my debts were and how old they are. Once you do that, you will have an idea of what needs to be paid off, what exactly is written off (I think they call it charged off), etc.

Oh, once you get your past debts figured out and figure out payment plans for the rest, secured credit cards are a really good way of building credit without the threat of charging more debt. I really screwed up when I was in my late teens and had to rebuild my credit with secured cards.

I'm so sorry to hear about your marital situation but you will get through this. I wish I had more advice for you but I am sending good thoughts your way.

[Thystle]

It's http://creditboards.com/forums/. They can help with every credit issue under the sun. It's a bit overwhelming with technical talk but you could post a very similar thread and ask for help there.



Do you have any friends or family you can live with at all?


If you want to go back to school fill out a FAFSA asap!!! It's how you qualify for financial aid. You will need last years tax return info to fill it out. Also look around and see if there is a college close by with family housing!!


On that note make sure you have copies of ALL important papers (birth certs/tax returns, marriage license, social security #'s, etc...) in a safe location NOT in your house!!


Do you have your own bank account? If so is it in the same bank? Ideally you should have your own account in a different bank that does not have his name on it. Put what you can in there now while still together.




s

[Thystle]

Just so you know a "548" is nowhere near the lowest score you can have and MANY people have worked their way back up into the 700's on CreditBoards!!!



Look up child support calculators for your state.

Also any social service/state help.



And if your partner is emotionally abusive then you can qualify possibly for a battered womans shelter or housing. Do a serach for them or a local hotline and ask.

s

[Thyme Mama]

bad credit (like old cell phone bills, credit cards etc.,.) falls off after 7 years. if you have debt that is old, it may not really be a good idea to pay it off. paying off old debt "brings it back up" and can quite often make your credit score lower. that's what i've learned about credit from being in real estate.

now, i'm not saying that you shouldn't pay money that YOU owe, but there are situations that can happen where you really, truly, honestly should not have a certain bill on your credit. and you can add a note to your report indicating this.

again, i'm not advocating dishonesty, just passing along what loan companies look at. someone you rent from may not look at your score, they may only look at your payment history.

hth and good luck!

[la mamita]

And if your partner is emotionally abusive then you can qualify possibly for a battered womans shelter or housing. Do a serach for them or a local hotline and ask.

exactly. bad credit or no, getting out of an abusive situation is priority. definitely contact a shelter, seek help from family or friends, do what you need to do to get out of there!

[Vaske]

It sounds like you need to start by getting a free copy of your credit report, and seeing what is actually on there.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by Thyme Mama

bad credit (like old cell phone bills, credit cards etc.,.) falls off after 7 years. if you have debt that is old, it may not really be a good idea to pay it off. paying off old debt "brings it back up" and can quite often make your credit score lower. that's what i've learned about credit from being in real estate.

And also (since it sounds like the OP might be coming up on a time when this will happen) there are a bunch of fly-by-night companies that purchase up debts for pennies on the dollar right at the 7 year point, and then start to harass the original debtor over the debt. If you acknowledge the debt at that point, because it's now owned by a "new" company, they may be able to place it back on your credit report as new debt with another 7 year ding to your score.

If debt collectors come out of nowhere, do not communicate with them beyond requesting that they send you proof of the debt in writing, by mail.

[KayTeeJay]

Originally Posted by Thyme Mama

bad credit (like old cell phone bills, credit cards etc.,.) falls off after 7 years. if you have debt that is old, it may not really be a good idea to pay it off. paying off old debt "brings it back up" and can quite often make your credit score lower. that's what i've learned about credit from being in real estate.

now, i'm not saying that you shouldn't pay money that YOU owe, but there are situations that can happen where you really, truly, honestly should not have a certain bill on your credit. and you can add a note to your report indicating this.

again, i'm not advocating dishonesty, just passing along what loan companies look at. someone you rent from may not look at your score, they may only look at your payment history.

hth and good luck!

Exactly. I wouldn't pay a dime to anyone until you get a copy of your report from all three bureaus and see what is dinging your score and how long it will be until falls off. Any kind of payment or acknowledgment of the debt will "reset" the clock on it and it will stick around for another 7 years. Creditboards.com is a great resource--good luck to you!

[ihugtrees]

Originally Posted by KayTeeJay

Exactly. I wouldn't pay a dime to anyone until you get a copy of your report from all three bureaus and see what is dinging your score and how long it will be until falls off. Any kind of payment or acknowledgment of the debt will "reset" the clock on it and it will stick around for another 7 years. Creditboards.com is a great resource--good luck to you!

What do you mean 'acknowledgement'? Like if I answer their calls? All of this debt is from 2005-2007.

The only new dings I have are the school ($800) & Verizon ($425)--they are actually from 2008, but it says they are from 2010 on my credit report. I think I can get on a payment plan for those. If I tell them I can pay $15 a month each, they can't harass me right? But can it help my credit to do those?

Everything else on my credit report is old, and I really have no clue what they are. They have weird names on them, not anything defining so I can even figure out what they are.

I am on my 9th on-time payment of my rehabilitated student loan, so sending in the paper work to take it out of rehabilitation...I think it goes off of my credit report at that point. Will that help my credit at all?

Thanks for the creditboards.com resource! I will be checking that out! Thanks for everyone's responses...I am so glad to have the support and knowledge of MDC mama's when I need it!!

[Catubodua]

just a thought - time to raise your hourly rates. if you are in a high COL area, people might be able to pay you more.

here in CT a reliable, good babysitter can run $20 per hour. we have a friend who's 14 year old niece is pulling in $20 an hour and has already saved up $2,000 toward a car in only about 6 months.

[Ianthe]

Hey Mama.. I am in the same situation, actually!

You know he should pay you child support, even if you have joint custody. I recently started some divorce paperwork and since I am making $0, and he is making $X, he owes me child support, even with 50-50 joint custody. He can't nickle and dime you with that money- it goes to you.

Also, if all the credit is in his name, it can stay in his name.

You can qualify for WIC, food stamps, and probably section 8 housing. Alternatively, you can found a person to rent a place from, instead of an apartment complex. Usually people will not run a credit check on you.

I don't see why you can't let your stbx help you get back on your feet, esp if he is the one leaving you in this situation. He needs to make sure you are stable so you can care for your child.

ETA: I am pretty sure they can't arrest you for bad credit. And as long as you are a good mom, they can't take your child away from you! Having bad credit doesn't make you a bad mom!

[3timesamom]

Other posters are correct. These debts come off after 7 years. Also any medical debt could possibly be forgiven IF you do make little income and are not with your husband. It is also true that if after 7 years you acknowledge the debt they can make you start ALL over. So never admit it.

My other thought is your daycare income is legit. What is not is YOU not claiming it. So I would just start keeping books myself and claiming that income

Your credit might not be as bad as you think.

[ihugtrees]

Originally Posted by Catubodua

just a thought - time to raise your hourly rates. if you are in a high COL area, people might be able to pay you more.

here in CT a reliable, good babysitter can run $20 per hour. we have a friend who's 14 year old niece is pulling in $20 an hour and has already saved up $2,000 toward a car in only about 6 months.

I know I could make more like $15/hour, but not more since I am bringing my daughter along (which is so nice to be able to do!) I took this job with this family, not knowing I'd end up a single mom, and I took it even though the pay was low because I LOVE this family. They are awesome and treat me so wonderfully--I've worked for plenty of other higher paying families who treated me like crap. I'm hoping that we can work out the logistics.

Originally Posted by 3timesamom

Other posters are correct. These debts come off after 7 years. Also any medical debt could possibly be forgiven IF you do make little income and are not with your husband. It is also true that if after 7 years you acknowledge the debt they can make you start ALL over. So never admit it.

My other thought is your daycare income is legit. What is not is YOU not claiming it. So I would just start keeping books myself and claiming that income

Your credit might not be as bad as you think.

As a nanny, I'm supposed to be legally an employee of the family I work for. I can't be an independent contractor by law.

When you say dont admit it, do you mean, just avoid their calls? They are SNEAKY! I just started getting a call from a local area code (I moved across the country a few months ago) and I totally thought it was someone I knew. I just happened to miss the call and got the voicemail.

[applecider]

No advice mama, but .

[SleeplessMommy]

Originally Posted by ihugtrees

When you say dont admit it, do you mean, just avoid their calls?

no. the process is more complicated. making payments is one way to "acknowledge" a debt. check on creditboards.com for details.

now, my 2-cents worth:

As the non-working spouse, you may be eligible for alimony + child support. figure out what you H makes, what a 1 bd apt will cost in your area, and ask on the single parents area.

Sure, your car is in your husband's name. it is a marital asset, and everything marital is negotiable... so it could become "your car" legally, or you could go for his car. A lawyer can advice you.

Talk with your local domestic violence hotline to determine if you area DV victim. financial control + yelling might count. there may be services you are eligible for - lawyer help, counseling, job help, housing, etc. find out now!

Were things good in the marriage before the baby was born? do you think counselling could help fix the relationship?

it is great that you are asking these questions, it will help empower you financially and help you to move forward.