During the season of Thanksgiving, I think it's appropriate to remember that even those of us with baggage in our past (disappointment, things not panning out at all the way we had planned) should stop a few moments to appreciate our blessings in life. Then, perhaps we can avoid falling into the easy trap of imagining that happiness (or most of it) can come from finding & partnering with the perfect mate. I fall into this all the time. That this period post divorce is "the great wait" while I kill time until I'm sharing my life (& hopefully having more kids) with the man I'm supposed to be with & grow old with.
Because a) the perfect partner doesn't exist, b) if he did, he would be noticing the positive, happy-within gal over there & not a needy mama like I tend to be and c) even if he was perfect & jumped on board for the long term, he wouldn't magically MAKE you happy for the long term, anyway. That's gotta come from within.
I'm focusing now on trying to BE DETACHED from the OUTCOME & approach each day, each experience, each opportunity for growth & knowledge as a distinct blessing in & of itself & carpe diem & be glad that I am alive & enjoying a priviledged life where I even have the luxury to fret about whether the current boyfriend is Mr. Right for 50 years or Mr. Right for 50 more days or what.... Pretty cushy existence we lead in the western world as a woman and a single mother while a billion or so other women on this earth, today, have such problems that would make us weep.
Does feeling wary about past losses & disappointments increase the chance that today won't bring new ones? Does stressing about acheiving a picture perfect future make it any more likely to happen? Nope. worry is impotent.
Dear friendships are not. And double bonus, you can vent your insecure worries & let them go, with supportive sounding boards in your life. Pursuing goals outside of relationships are a fabulous source of self-esteem & happiness with ones life. Being the mom you want to be is a powerful one. Peace, calm, and clarity which comes from leaving a bad relationship are blessings and a path to wisdom.
Question of the month: what helps you stay in a headspace where you can approach dating in a healthy mindset, DETACHED from the OUTCOME and happy with each enjoyable moment for what it is at face value? How do you manage to let go of fear & loneliness and glow from within, as a singleton?
Because a) the perfect partner doesn't exist, b) if he did, he would be noticing the positive, happy-within gal over there & not a needy mama like I tend to be and c) even if he was perfect & jumped on board for the long term, he wouldn't magically MAKE you happy for the long term, anyway. That's gotta come from within.
I'm focusing now on trying to BE DETACHED from the OUTCOME & approach each day, each experience, each opportunity for growth & knowledge as a distinct blessing in & of itself & carpe diem & be glad that I am alive & enjoying a priviledged life where I even have the luxury to fret about whether the current boyfriend is Mr. Right for 50 years or Mr. Right for 50 more days or what.... Pretty cushy existence we lead in the western world as a woman and a single mother while a billion or so other women on this earth, today, have such problems that would make us weep.
Does feeling wary about past losses & disappointments increase the chance that today won't bring new ones? Does stressing about acheiving a picture perfect future make it any more likely to happen? Nope. worry is impotent.
Dear friendships are not. And double bonus, you can vent your insecure worries & let them go, with supportive sounding boards in your life. Pursuing goals outside of relationships are a fabulous source of self-esteem & happiness with ones life. Being the mom you want to be is a powerful one. Peace, calm, and clarity which comes from leaving a bad relationship are blessings and a path to wisdom.
Question of the month: what helps you stay in a headspace where you can approach dating in a healthy mindset, DETACHED from the OUTCOME and happy with each enjoyable moment for what it is at face value? How do you manage to let go of fear & loneliness and glow from within, as a singleton?