"If you've always been a "do what I say" kind of parent, your teen probably expects it. If you've valued discussion, choice and had a respectful relationship..."
That's a false dichotomy. We value discussion and choice in this house. We respect our children's perspective on everything, and their array of choices, including about big-deal things like schooling, is pretty impressive. But when it's an issue of safety, what we say goes and there's not even the CONCEPT that our kids might "see through" (!!!) our stated instructions. I can't imagine ever worrying that my motives were being analyzed by the child I was plucking out of danger. And a 15-year-old sneaking out of the house is pretty much the textbook definition of danger. That's the kind of stuff that ends up on the news. Ditto for the ingestion of intoxicants in a group of "friends" at a location unknown to the parents!
It's easier with little kids, I realize. But it's perhaps more important with the big ones. There are a pack of adolescents that roam my neighborhood playing "soldier" with real BB guns. I am sure that their parents are worried about severing the lines of communication if they impose an "authoritarian" punishment such as grounding their sons until they feel they can trust them not to shoot up the suburbs. They are worried about the wrong thing, IMO - they should be worried about injuries, police involvement, etc. I hear that a stint in juvie really damages those communication lines!
Not directed at the OP, just generally: A child who is being taught that sulking, sneaking, rudeness and breaking the law don't have consequences now that he's "big" is being set up for a hard, hard lesson in life. It doesn't further the emotional bond to let your teenager snarl at you and disobey you without correcting them. It HURTS them, because it reinforces their delusion that the family structure as they know it is gone, that they are isolated, that they they can no longer look to you for help when they do wrong. If you aren't in charge when things go wrong, and they aren't ready to be in charge and keep things from going wrong - then who the heck is driving the bus? How scary that must be, for the kid that is struggling with behavior/temptation/apathy/depression/insert-your-transient-teenage-neuroses-here.