Etiquette on what to call grandparents? - Page 2

[texmati]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I don't honestly think there's an etiquette issue other than that the grandparents should not feel offended by what their grandkids call them. But there is no expectation that other kids call their grandparents what your kids call them.

yeah, I don't think that you should have any influence in what your nephlet's call the grandparents. i know parents who have insisted on more formal/respectful names. Right now, my aunt's and uncles take offense at being called 'grand' anything, but I"m sure that will change in time.

[Girlprof]

In the original post, you stress that each grandchild is the first for one set of grandparents so they at least get to pick one name. [And I guess, they should therefore abide by the already-chosen name for the other set of GPs.] I don't agree with that at all. We were not first on either side and it already felt a bit like, oh, we're not going to be *as* exciting with our children as our sibs were with their "first" grandchildren. [That might have been post-partum insanity, because really, who cares?]

But, if we had also had to go along with the goofy names those first grandchildren thought up, I would not have been happy. Indeed, there was a bit of an effort from my parents to get our kids to sign on to the names from my brother's kids. But our kids thought up their own names, and that works completely fine. Our kids don't always even use the same name for the same person - i.e., DS calls grandpa one thing and DD calls him another. Really, they don't get confused about who is being addressed. I'd not pick trouble where there's none to be had.

[elmh23]

Honestly, I think you're overthinking this. It doesn't matter to you what your niece calls your parents. If they are bothered by it, then they need to talk to your brother and his wife on their own.

[HRJ]

Maybe I'm mad then that DS has to call his other grandparents such silly names. I mean for me it's like 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander.' It's too late now to change what DS calls his other grandparents though.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by HRJ

Maybe I'm mad then that DS has to call his other grandparents such silly names. I mean for me it's like 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander.' It's too late now to change what DS calls his other grandparents though.

THAT (bolded) is completely understandable.

I imagine your SIL feels the same way... so, don't encourage them to make the same mistake you made

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by HRJ

Maybe I'm mad then that DS has to call his other grandparents such silly names. I mean for me it's like 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander.' It's too late now to change what DS calls his other grandparents though.

No, he doesn't. He can choose other names, unless those grandparents object. He's 6. Over time, my kids have changed what they call DH and me. I think there's often a natural development from baby-ish names e.g Mummy to Mumma to Mom. The same thing can happen with grandparent names.

It sounds like you are unhappy because your SIL has spoken up while you remained quiet. Your unhappiness with the silly names is understandable, but your SIL didn't cause that problem and the solution doesn't rest with her.

[lilyka]

I think the grandparents should get to decide what the they are called and that none of this is really your business. My kids grandpa is called different things by each family. My kids call him Papa (My oldest dubbed him that. I am sure we probably referred to him as grandpa and thats the best she could do. it stuck.) but when BIL started having kids (the only other grandchildren) he wanted his kids to call him papa which necessitated another name for them to call their grandfather. whatever. its not like we had a conference and decided what the grandfather was going to be called now. My kids still call him papa and the boys call him whatever it is they call him. . The only time I remember discussing this is when I was pregnant with my oldest and one of the other grandchildren was due at the same time. We were talking to grandma and grandpa about "now you are going to be a great grandma" and another cousin (who was only about 8 or 9 at the time I think) looks up and says with all sincerity and confusion and indignant that we missed this very large fact "you have always been a great grandma!" indeed she has which led us to dub her on the spot Grandma GREAT! And I believe all the great grandchildren (of which there about 25 now, a mere 14 years later) call them that.

This is not a choice the parents get to make. If you wanted your kids to all their grandparents something else you should have told them too. But they have their names now (the silly ones) and if everyone is happy why worry about it? and if the other grandma is happy with what your child is calling her then so be it. If she is not it is her job to address it. not yours. its not your name. HOWEVER, i think it is really sweet you went along with the silly names. the grandparents must really like it if they did not change it. I think it is important to honor that.

[CookAMH]

The pattern we have adopted is that 1) gparents are asked what they want ot be called 2) and that has occured with the first grandchild, and subsequent grandchildren regardless of sibling uses the same name.

So, I think it is up to your SIL to defer to the name already in use.

[treeoflife3]

I think it should be up to the grandparents to determine if they are okay with what they are called.

I have lots of people in my family whom I call something different from everyone else (my step grandpa goes by his first name with me and everyone else calls him grandpa, including other step grandchildren. I call another person 'terri' when everyone else calls her theresa, some of whom get confused when I say terri.) what someone is called is really a matter between the callee and caller (hehe... )

I refer to my grandpa as gramps a lot. He loves it. Even when I hadn't said it in a few years, that is how he ALWAYS signs his cards. My brother has never called him that.

On the other hand though, my mom jokes about being called 'big mama' and sometimes refers to herself as such with kiddo. I do NOT encourage this and have told my mom I'd rather that not be used. My undies won't be in a twist though if kiddo someday picks it up. not the end of the world. I'd just as soon prefer she call my mom plain old grandma though.

but what another family unit calls their grandparents isn't up to you. Sure, the grandparents in question are the same for both family units, but their family and your family are not the same. if the grandparents have issue, they should be the ones concerned here.

[odenata]

I think it's up to the grandparents to decide what they want to be called, or what they are comfortable being called.

I see no reason that all grandchildren need to use the same names.

[simplehome]

I totally think that this is an issue between your brother/SIL and your parents. Keep on calling your parents what they want to be called, and just don't enter the discussion.

[OkiMom]

Honestly I have to say I don't like what my In-laws want the girls to call them so I encourage them to call them something else. My MIL and FIL want to be called Mama and PopPop. PopPop I don't have a problem with but my girls call me Mama and have since they could talk. When my MIL started insisting they were calling her (when they weren't) I decided to save them the heartache and have them call her grandma or another suitable name. Especially since the girls have already decided on calling me Mama and they should have the right to call their mother whatever they want without getting upset because someone else keeps answering.

[LynnS6]

don't the grandparents get to choose?

When ds was just under two and had terrible pronunciation (really he did), grandma and grandpa came out as "bunga" and "bunka". We didn't stick with that. I figured no grandparent should be stuck with a 2 year old pronunciation, and my parents wanted to be called 'grandma' and 'grandpa'.

Dh's aunt chose to be called "Oma" (German for grandpa) because she'd had an unhappy divorce and didn't want to be linked with her ex by being Grandma S when he was Grandpa S.

But otherwise, I'd stay out of this at all costs. Call them what you want. Let your SIL/BIL figure it out on their own. Does it really matter?

[2xy]

As long as the name is not rude in some way, kids should call grandparents and/or other relatives by whatever name is mutually acceptable to both parties

My boys call their dad's parents Grandma S and Grampa B. Their cousins call them Mamaw and Pap. We don't live near each other, but when we all get together it's never been a problem.

Another thing...I have a cousin who is the same age as me, but she's actually my dad's first cousin. So, his mother is my cousin's aunt. I called my grandmother Nana, and my cousin called her Auntie D. Obviously, just because we were the same age didn't mean we were going to call her the same thing.