6yo Birthday party, mean kids...

[arniflora]

My son's birthday is coming up soon. He will be 6. He is very excited about planning his birthday party. His class is small this year, 6 boys and 2 girls.

Problem #1 is that he only wants to invite the boys. I don't want the 2 girls to feel left out... (if it were a bigger class with more girls, I wouldn't see this as an issue.)

Problem #2 is that 2 of the boys, in separate situations (i.e not at the same time and not together), have told ds that they didn't want to come to his party so he shouldn't invite them...!

We haven't sent out invitations yet. My thought is to invite the entire class and if those 2 boys (and/or anyone else) don't want to come, they certainly don't have to, but to let it be up to them, not ds.

To be honest, it is heartbreaking to me that 5/6 year olds are being so downright mean. I feel it is the "right" thing to do to invite everyone. I guess my question is how to deal with the meanness in this situaion.

[nextcommercial]

Do you know for sure those boys said "don't invite me"?

If you are sure they said it, I would't invite them. I'd only invite the four boys in the class.

If you aren't positive what was said, I'd invite the whole class. (girls too) Six years old is a little young to start excluding kids, especially when the group is so small. Plus, this early in the year, kids really haven't established the real friendships yet.

I'd like to add that the class size in your school is AWESOME! Our schools have at least 30 kids in each class, and there's about seven classes of each grade.

[AllisonR]

I'd also only decide based on what was actually said, and how. My DS is 6 and generally pretty sweet. But if he is having an off day with someone and they said he they were having a birthday party, he might say "I don't want to come" or "I'm best friends with so-and-so" . But the next day, or even the next hour, he might say the opposite. He isn't being mean, he is just saying how he feels at this very moment.

I think some 6yo can be very mean and malicious; unfortunately I have seen it. But I think the majority are just honest and in the moment, and don't know all the social cues yet.

[K1329]

But I think the majority are just honest and in the moment, and don't know all the social cues yet.

I agree, at 6, they are still learning how to be, and to have, friends. Why not lead by example and invite the whole class? Or, I also think it would be fine to invite the boys only. But, I would not recommend excluding a particular child based upon something that is now most likely forgotten.

[maddymama]

If it were up to me, I'd invite the whole class, especially because it is so small. I'd also think about activities for the party that have all the children working together (treasure hunt as a group) or individually (decorate cupcakes) but nothing that involved teams fighting each other.
JM2C,
~maddymama

[arniflora]

Hi and thank you for your replies.

Yes, I am sure the 2 boys each said what they said. I am planning on inviting the whole class regardless of that.

I do agree that it may have been a "I'm mad at you right now and this is the meanest thing I can think of" kind of thing. I also know that these 2 particular boys tend to be the first of the group to say mean things in general so...

Anyway, it's just depleting to hear this kind of thing spoken to any child, but, of course, especially to my own child.

Thank you again.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Do you know for sure those boys said "don't invite me"?

If you are sure they said it, I would't invite them. I'd only invite the four boys in the class.

If you aren't positive what was said, I'd invite the whole class. (girls too) Six years old is a little young to start excluding kids, especially when the group is so small. Plus, this early in the year, kids really haven't established the real friendships yet.

I'd like to add that the class size in your school is AWESOME! Our schools have at least 30 kids in each class, and there's about seven classes of each grade.

and it's also possible those two boys who said they wouldn't come said so because they know they couldn't. How do you react when he calls other kids "mean"?

[mattemma04]

If I were doing a party I would probably just invite those kids my ds wanted to come. If I were to invite the boys who tend to be mean I would be a bit worried they might ruin the party.There is no polite way to remove a child who is acting rudely.

Hope he has a fun day!