so embarrassing, social workers detained me in the subway threatening to call the police - Page 5

[bella99]

I am a mandated reporter, and even beyond that, I work in foster care, so am actually in child welfare and deal everyday with abusive/neglectful situations.

What the OP engaged in with her kids was not abusive (not even "at worst"). People often confuse what CPS does when they conflate bad parenting with abusive parenting. CPS isn't interested in whether you are a good or bad parent, they are interested if you are abusing or neglecting your children.

I'm not even saying what the OP did was bad parenting, you can't know that from a glimpse of someone one time in a public setting. Obviously she became frustrated and lost her temper a bit, but that doesn't really mean she was being a bad parent at the time, it means she was being human. I know I've lost my temper a few times with my two year old (and I think she's the most delightful little thing on the planet), and I also feel secure, that in spite of that, I'm a pretty good parent.

Also, I don't think anyone was trying to kidnap the OP's kids, but I do tend to doubt they were actually "social workers".

[Kidzaplenty]

I don't really care what the OP was doing. If it was THAT bad, they should have called the police. If it was not, they should have backed off.

If anyone (other than a law enforcement officer, with cause) touched me or my child in such a way and detained me, they would have quickly found themselves in very dangerous waters. NO ONE puts a hand on me or my child, unlawfully. No matter what they think they saw.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by eclipse

I'm pretty sure the OP said in her first post that she didn't think she had behaved appropriately. However, if everything happened exactly as described in the first post, I wouldn't describe her parenting in that moment as "very bad."

I agree. I've had some moments of very bad parenting. I don't think the OP qualifies.

[sapphire_chan]

I agree, I think the only reason it reads like it might've been bad is because the OP keeps on mentioning how she "knew it was bad". But I suspect the only reason the OP felt like she "shouldn't have done that, I know" is because she had two creeps telling her off.

[Tjej]

FWIW, next time, OP, don't give the jacket back after the first time (or zip it on and snap a snap so they can't take it off). Picking up things over and over is seriously irritating - don't let it get there and you save yourself irritation (and odd/aggressive interventionists).

Tjej

[EviesMom]

Originally Posted by eepster

Where did you see a specific station mentioned? I wasn't even sure we were talking about NYC.

I do get signals on most trains, but I have a friend with different cell phone company and he gets no signal in most tunnels. I don't specifically remember if I get a signal around 4th street.

She said she was going to an AP gathering on Halloween day around mid-day. The AP group here had a meeting on Sullivan Street, where West. 4th station was the closest subway. I live relatively nearby, so I know the station and area well, and I was here that day. So I think it's a good guess.

But I have waited for the elevator at West 4th, as OP said she was doing. She could have been waiting for the upper elevator that goes to the street, but there are police right there, especially on Halloween, so I don't think any discussion of calling the police would have made sense. Which means the lower elevator from the B-D-F-M platform. No cell service on that platform from what I've seen. It's highly unlikely anyone could call the police from there.

[contactmaya]

Wow, thankyou everyone for acknowledging how difficult parenting can be, and that we can be human. Especially on this type of forum, which advocates gentle discipline, we set ourselves up for high standards.

Its very healing, thankyou for your warm words.


Interestingly, I did call out to fellow passengers, saying, these women wont let me go! I was completely ignored.

There was no signal in the subway (it wasn’t west 4th, but close-Union square). It was around 9am, so before the halloween crowds.
It never occurred to me that they werent social workers. I am naïve, and I am not fully aware of how much power they have, and I guess they knew it.

I think its worth repeating, that the woman made both my children cry. My 5yo included. Even then, she wouldn’t let go. (you know, in all his 5 years, noone has made my baby cry like that)
Thats scary.
Scary also, that not a soul, stopped to help. I guess I should have reworded my plea for help. I should have literally said ‘help! I am being assaulted! Thy will not let let go of my stroller! Call the police!’

Maybe passerbys thought they were the police.

Im thinking of making a report, but I couldn’t identify them, and it has been a few days.

Next time ( I hope there wont be one), I will demand identification.

You just don’t expect these things to happen, and frankly, I thought social workers were supposed to be on our side (meaning the side of families)

Like I said before, she could have walked along beside me, saying what she had to say. I was in a hurry. I would have more sympathy for her if she had respected that. Half the reason I lost my cool, was because I felt pressed for time.

Thanks for the advice about alerting the train conductor. I was away from the platform tho, having just exited it and on my way to the elevator to the street.
Also, I couldn’t leave my stroller unattended while I alerted the ticket office about the situation.The Union Square station is very big. I was trapped (so easy to take advantage of a parent with young kids)

I dunno, im still mulling around in my brain why being a parent in public is always an invitation for strangers to comment. I am a very tolerant person, I don’t mind if someone gives me advice ( even if I disagree with it). I dont mind the good intentions of compete strangers. I respect social workers for the dedication to a good cause …hell, dont I deserve the same respect?

Originally Posted by eclipse

"Wow, I can see you're frustrated. that age can be hard. Do you need some help getting your kids and stroller off the subway?"

Yep, that would have been nice….

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

I find the most helpful strangers are the ones who make silly faces at dd when she's acting up or getting bored.

That too :-)