Frustrating situation.

[tireesix]

I have posted before about my next door neighbour and her kids. She is crap with them, end of, we have tried social services, they won't do anything because as long as they are fed, clothed and not dirty apparently it doesn't matter.

Her eldest two kids Dad has issues with the way she treats them and has tried going for custody, its not going well though, she won't let him see them and tells the kids he doesn't want to see them, this is not the truth.

Her youngest kids Dad left because of the way she treated him and the kids. I know a lot of people will think 'well, why didn't he stay for the kids or why didn't he take them with him etc, but its not that easy, she has friends who stick up for her (threaten you with violence in fact, her friends did the same to us, we are now out casts in the street and before anyone says we should move, we can't).

She has numerous guys in between but has been in a relationship with a new guy and things did calm down for a while, but then she got pregnant, lost it and is pregnant again (I don't whether she still is, she tends to binge drink and smoke throughout her pregnancies). I just heard her and her new guy in the kitchen, even HE is now taking her aside to tell her the way she treats her kids isn't right. Why is it she can't get the picture????? Why do her friends stand up for her in spite of the fact that she has had numerous accusations from numerous people around her???? It blows my mind.

She swears at her kids, hits them (she was quite happily telling people over the summer that she resorted to using the wooden spoon on her son), smokes and drinks in front of them (the odd drink what ever, fine, but rip roaring drunk is another matter) had numerous guys in and out the house, each new guy is called Daddy and then she wonders why her kids have behavioural issues?????

She is getting bad again, she has been shouting at her youngest (2) for most of the day and called her a bitch.

We have done EVERYTHING we can think of to help those kids out and all we have ended up with is threats of violence, becoming outcasts, being made to feel uncomfortable in our own house and garden, had warnings from our housing association because her friends have lied about us to them, had social services tell us to mind our own business and we have to listen to the crap that goes on next door at the same time. It sucks. I just don't know what to do. She's shouting at them right now. Last time she got pregnant, after babe was born she did get quite violent with the other two but because of her friends sticking up for her and giving her character references and pretending they were there all the time and lieing about what she was really like.

We have reached a point where to protect ourselves and our kids from anything more we just put up and shut up, but how is that fair on her kids???????

[Petie1104]

OK, so I haven't had to deal with anything quite like this, but here's a few suggestions...


Can you contact the Dad of the oldest two and offer your support, even as far as testifying against her for him to get custody? That would at least help with those two.

Next time she gets drunk and loud, call the police and say that you are afraid for the safety of her children. You are, so it isn't a lie. See if you can get them involved that way. Anything to get something done about this.

I'd call social services and ask them anonymously to explain what they feel is abuse and what is OK behavior. When you hear or see something, keep a journal, and try to document if possible. If you have paper thin walls you may be able to make an audio recording through the walls. Since you aren't entering her property to get the recording it shouldn't be an issue as far as being legal. You are just recording the noise in your home. When you get something that can't be refuted, then would be the time to call social services again and give them a copy of anything you have, but keep a copy for the father of the older two as well.

Those poor kids, I'm glad that you are concerned for them.

[waiting2bemommy]

I second this. even if you are on your porch it's still your property. I'm pretty sure that a recording of a grown woman calling her 2 yo a bitch would be courtroom worthy testimony when the dad goes for custody. That is really sad.

Do any of the kids go to school/daycare? You could anonymously call the school and tell them what is going on, without including any details that would indicate that you are her next door neighbor. Just "someone in the neighborhood."


What would her reaction be if you were to try and befriend her? Bring something over for one of the kids? Invite one of her kids to go somewhere with you, compliment her on how well behaved her kid was (even if you have to look hard to find a compliment)? Just a few ideas....it sounds like the mother is pretty unhappy herself and is probably lonely. If she lost a pregnancy, could she be suffering from PPD or some other mental health issues? I haven't read your other posts so I may be totally off base or you might have done it already, but maybe approaching the mom'e behavior with understanding might make the biggest difference? There must be some way to reach out to her.

[tireesix]

She lost one baby this year but things have been going on for longer.

We did try recording things and the housing association warned her but social services were not interested.

She hasn't liked us from the start and I don't understand why, we always said hello if we saw her, we were always friendly and nice to her kids but she would just ignore us etc and shout at her kids for talking to us.

Her son has behaviour issues, he is aggressive to other kids (but considering how his mum has treated him I am hardly surprised (example, he really hurt himself begining of last year, we could hear him screaming and her response is 'why are you doing this to me? I didn't do it' yadda yadda yadda, she was watching a tv progamme and didn't like his 'interruption'). Her elder daughtr is the opposite, is bullied (mums response to this is 'you are such a fucking victim', her daughter had been crying to her and telling her how hard it is at school).

Social services is involved to a degree whch is why I can't understand why they don't take us seriously but then again, he is being checked out for ADHD but, to be honest, I don't think he has ADHD. We had problems with him a while back but those have eased and he responds to us and our kids pretty well, he has a lot of issues with his mum which is hardly surprising given the situation. If I had a mum like his, I would be acting out but nobody is holding her responsible, everyone is holding him responsible. She told him off a few weeks ago for teaching her partners son to swear even though she swears at all of them, its her that taught the little kid to swear.

This is why the whole thing is so damned frustrating, because we have tried EVERYTHING but the family has their scapegoat, we are ignored because it can't possibly the mum who is at fault and yet the problems continue.

The kids haven't had it easy, they moved in a couple of years ago (apparently there were problems at their previous address with the families behaviour/noise), so they moved, there has been a new baby, a pregnancy loss, another pregnancy, several new fathers in between, contact with their real father stopped and the mum being a complete cow to them. How much upheaval can the kids take?????

[mattemma04]

I would continue what you are doing.Testify for the dads trying to get custody. When you report the situation to the county protective services remind that that if they do not take action now,it will look quite bad WHEN(not if) the children are injuried or killed.Mentally they are already damaged,and that will just get worse.

Sometimes nothing is ever done until a child is killed.One day one of her kids might attack back. I would call the police on her when it warrants it.In the least she should be required to take parenting classes.Go up the chain of command in the child services department.No one wants to risk their job,and it really is just a matter of time before the mom hits one of the kids a bit to hard.How will it look for them when that happens and there is a record of reports going back for a very long time?

Contact the school. You are already on her **** list.It is to bad types like her often get away with this,and the kids grow up to be messed up adults.