I have to vent somewhere

[OJazzy1]

I feel like I am going to explode. I have to tell someone and there is no one to tell, not anyone that is going to understand anyway.

This is CD 1 of cycle #10 of trying... I am totally stressed and disappointed. DS (2 1/2) was a honeymoon baby, "trying" was not even in the vocab. My mom got pregnant easily and my sister just had her second with of course not even trying. I have friends all around me that have and are having their second children. I am just a mess today.

I just can't stand the "it will happen" or "when the time is right", ok, sure, that's great, no what the he** am I supposed to do with that?!

OK, that kind of feels better. I just feel like I have run out of options. I am not willing to go the medical route. I have tried all kinds of herbal things. I cycle well, I ovulate, I have had a child before! I feel like I don't have anywhere else to go and I don't want to keep thinking about it every month and then being disappointed but I can't not think about it KWIM? Esp. when every month someone else announces that they are pregnant!

Thanks for listening.

[ValH]

At least here you know people know how you feel. I'm heading into cycle #11 of trying. It sucks.

Best of luck to you! I hope you get your BFP very soon.

[Sourire]

My dad keeps telling me that I am obsessing too much about being pregnant and that if I want it to work I need to stop....

I am like:
1) how on earth am I supposed to stop? I was obsessing about babies for 2 yrs + before I even started TTC.
2) as if he knows what its like... my mom got always got pregnant without trying, by accident, or very quickly

[OJazzy1]

That has got to be one of the hardest ones "stop stressing about it and then it will happen". Well if I could stop stressing about it I would, believe me, it isn't fun to be stressed! Lol.

[ValH]

Amen to that. I would love to stop stressing! Just tell me how.

Can I join you in venting? My friend who isn't trying (but not avoiding) just told me she's nine weeks pregnant. After eleven months of checking CP, CM, BBT, and OPKs and every other imaginable fertility sign, I reacted to her news by crying. Ugh.

[sraplayas]

[just_lily]

Amen, sister friend!

I also have a nearly 2.5yo who was a happy surprise. We haven't used any BC since she was born, and have been really, really trying for at least six months.

DD is getting to the age where people are wondering why we aren't pregnant again. At church people are always coming up to me and telling me we should have another baby like I haven't even thought of the idea. Moms with even younger kids than mine are already pregnant again - or even have new babies already.

And I just took a cycle off from obsessing, and still didn't get pregnant, so there goes that theory.

It totally sucks.

[catholic74]

It's been 6 months for us and I know how you feel. It's hard when it feels like no one else really wants this as much as you and doesn't understand your deep desire for another baby. Just recently, I had a bad moment when I felt sad and I truly felt desperately alone. Sometimes, I talk to you guys more than the people who are closest to me and it's not because they don't care, it's just because it's comforting to talk to other women who really understand because they are going through it as well.

[musicoholic]

No. You know what? We deserve a

My DS will turn 6 in December: he was conceived the month we decided to stop TTA, but we were not ready to TTC yet! Definitely a very happy whoops!!!

However... We started trying for #2 in March 06; in June DH started craving spicy food (he'd NEVER been able to handle them before - I'm the spicy mama!!! ).... we thought I'm either UTD, or something else big is about to happen. Needless to say, I wasn't pg, but I was offered a teaching job in Thailand (hence the spicy food - weird!!!) - which we accepted.

TTC was then put off, because the medical and maternity offered by the school were absolutely laughable (42 days unpaid maternity leave!!!!! WTF????). I finally decided that I'd had enough of the crap from the principal October 08, so we started TTC again in November. 3 days before Christmas 08 I got a ...... the day after Christmas it was gone. I had another 2 early mc's before we left Thailand in July 09, and I (not DH) decided I couldn't do it anymore - DS was going to stay an only child and I was going to concentrate on my new job (even though I knew in my heart that I was being completely selfish).

Fast-forward 12 months: I am teaching at a school which I love, and which is completely supportive of anything I do (heaven only knows why!!!! ) .... and I have finally come to point where I'm not so scared to TTC anymore.... BUT then last month had ANOTHER early mc ( the day af showed)

Anyway... I've not posted the whole story anywhere before, because it's still hard to think about, let alone vocalise - but I hope it helps you feel less alone ... I too am wondering why the hell it can't be as easy as it was the first time??

ETA: catholic74 - I totally "talk" more on here than IRL... I've not mentioned any of this to friends or family because I couldn't handle the questions/sympathy/etc etc etc. (Although, the 3 early mc's did slip out in conversation not long after we got back from Thailand... my BFF was a bit upset that I hadn't told her, but luckily understood why. Which is why I love her, I guess!)

[AZ mom&teacher]

I totally know how you feel! We went trick or treating last nights with a good friend and her kiddos. On the walk back home she tells me she has news, but didn't want to tell me in hopes that I would have news first... lo and behold she's 11 weeks pregnant from first month of trying...

Me? 12 months of trying and one 11 week miscarriage.... I am mad at her and know I shouldn't be, but it just sucks!!

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by just_lily

At church people are always coming up to me and telling me we should have another baby like I haven't even thought of the idea. Moms with even younger kids than mine are already pregnant again - or even have new babies already.

BTDT... It is hard when people make those well-meaning comments! What worked for us was saying something like "We would like that very much but it just has not happened." Or something.... We now have lots of people praying for us.

It used to be very painful to get those comments. However, these days we don't get them much, anymore, as dd is 5.5. I suppose it is clear to many people by now that there is some reason we don't have another. Yet, I can see that people wonder sometimes, and seem to think we must contracept. So many people seem to think that having one child must mean you are able to have more.

These days there is also something comforting in people asking. They make me feel good and deserving by saying that they wish we had another. They share in my sorrow, which makes me feel less alone... A couple of weeks ago someone cried when I told her that dd has prayed for a sibling since she was two.

So... More and more I feel like they ask because they care. What more could I hope for?

(Don't get me started on the people who complain to me about their kids, though. It is not my fault if you cannot handle life with your kids and I don't really care to listen... BTW, these are not people who miraculously started to find life hard after they had another. They are the types that never really dealt well with parenthood to begin with.)

[Sweet.Bee]

Our son was a surprise, and now we've been trying for #2 for almost 7 months. And my body is confused and giving me long cycles to boot.

The don't-stress-and-it-will-happen is soooo annoying! Especially when coming from my doctor, as though that is a diagnosis. Actually, from him it was more like "don't stress or it will never happen". Gee, thanks.

Sorry for everyone who is having trouble.