my 2 year old is hitting in school

[FoxintheSnow]

Today was her 3rd day and each day she's been there she has hit and shoved other kids several times. Today her teacher had me sign a write up about it. She told me I need to read magic 123 to address this and that by now she should have impulse control. Is that true? Impulse control at 2? I thought lots of 2 year olds hit and push and need time to grow out of it? I tried to relay to the teacher that she only hits at school so its hard to discipline her for something I don't see her do. I really like the school otherwise and dd likes it there but I'm afraid she's gonna get kicked out. They said if she keeps it up she will.

I've tried role playing and she doesn't seem to get it. The teacher also said I should give her a time out when she gets home for it and talk to her about it. That does not seem realistic for a 2 year old to me. Dd is barely verbal so its hard to talk to her about it.

Help!

[oaktreemama]

Originally Posted by FoxintheSnow

Today was her 3rd day and each day she's been there she has hit and shoved other kids several times. Today her teacher had me sign a write up about it. She told me I need to read magic 123 to address this and that by now she should have impulse control. Is that true? Impulse control at 2? I thought lots of 2 year olds hit and push and need time to grow out of it? I tried to relay to the teacher that she only hits at school so its hard to discipline her for something I don't see her do. I really like the school otherwise and dd likes it there but I'm afraid she's gonna get kicked out. They said if she keeps it up she will.
I've tried role playing and she doesn't seem to get it. The teacher also said I should give her a time out when she gets home for it and talk to her about it. That does not seem realistic for a 2 year old to me. Dd is barely verbal so its hard to talk to her about it.

Help!

1. Signing a write up is par for the course I think. Our daycare calls it an incident report and you get one if your kid hits/bites another child, is hit/bit, or just has a toddler type mishap.

2. I loathe the idea behind 1-2-3 Magic so I am not much help there. But, I would find another book if you are interested in reading. Try Playful Parenting or check the stickies at the top.

3. A two year old with impulse control? On what planet? And especially in a setting with other children-that can be trying for the most gentle perfect two year old in the world.

4. Never once has my dcp threatened to throw a child out for hitting or pushing or even biting. They work to actively help the child and especially spend time figuring out what the trigger is and helping the child learn to work through it. They also set the child up for success. For your daughter maybe the trigger is all the kids together doing something and she feels hemmed in. At our school they would work hard to give her some space while she works on learning to control herself.

5. A time out when you get home? Nah. She will have no idea what she did wrong.

6. You can certainly talk to her about her day, and talk to her about not pushing. Our son had some issues and we talked every day about what he could do instead. And eventually it began to sink in. Not until he was closer to 27 mos though.

Honestly, this teacher sounds kind of clueless and I just find that really odd.

[Rlin]

I have a very verbal 28month-old and he still hits his friend sometimes when she does something he doesn't like. She comes over 3 days a week to be with him and our nanny. They know they're not supposed to hit, they really like each other, but they lack impulse control at 2 years old. Hit first, think later.
DS hit her this morning and immediately told me, "DF is really sad, it hurts when I hit, hitting is not good. I took the baby stroller away from her and now she cries. She had it first but I wanted it". So he knows the "rules", but he just cannot control his impulses. It is slowly getting better, but expecting a two year old not to hit seems a bit strange to me.
We don't do punishments nor time-outs (we do a version of time-in) and I don't know 123magic. I think it has something to do with ignoring your child for a few minutes after they misbehave, like a time out. I wouldn't ignore an adult (but try to show empathy and explain why I don't like the behaviour), so I wouldn't do it to a child.
I do believe that at two years old distraction and a playful approach works really well.