|Shouldn't this say luckily for you because you are the one receiving free childcare from someone who loves your children very much? Honestly, is it possible that your mom senses your frustration which is making her feel unappreciated. She really is doing a huge favor for you, even if you aren't happy with the way she does things. I guess you just need to decide if your differences are deal breakers or not and move on from there.|
I say luckily for her because she gets to stay at home and spend the day with the babies while I'm stuck at work and would much rather be at home raising my kids.
honestly.... I understand this dynamic. My MIL expected me to go to work to support her, so she could stay at home with *my* kids-- and thought I should feel grateful to her for the privilege.
It was a huge, angry making, blood boiling type situation. If we hadn't been living with her, we could have made different choices in regards to home size, groceries, even what vacations we could choose. If we didn't have to support her in terms of old age, health care etc, we could make different decisions in terms of how much risk we could live with for our finances. Then she wants me to go to work, and leave my kids with her, not having any say in how they are raised? Uh uh. This was literally the straw that broke the camels back in my story.
Free loving childcare from an live in grandparent can be a huge boon. A win-win-win for all 3 generations, where all 3 should feel lucky.
And it can also be an enormous strain on all 3 generations. I think that all involved have to be flexible, and respectful of boundaries and roles. You are mom. She is grandma. That's it. In this case, it sounds like your mom is not being respectful at all.
Believe me, I now have a ton of nanny woes-- but I still don't think you are wrong or evil for saying that your mom is lucky.
A huge hug for you.